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Post by Weeble on Mar 16, 2013 7:33:07 GMT
Hi all
For those of you who don't know me, I have been ill with postnatal depression since my middle son was born in August 2009. My recovery journey has been long and is ongoing. I am going through a really important phase in recovery at the moment I still take my drugs, however I am having a year of psychodynamic therapy and my cpn is focusing on helping me change my coping mechanisms and thought processes to help me maintain myself and avoid anymore catastrophic blips.
So I thought I would start this thread, in it I am going to share what I am learning in case it's of any use to anyone in the future.
So today I am going to talk about looking sideways;
When I am feeling low something has triggered me and I am low, angry or scared. I need to look sideways, instead i am inclined to look straight down the path. So let's say something at work pisses me off I focus on the thing that pisses me off. I need to catch myself and look at the meadows on the side and what's in the fields and meadows; sitting there is all the great things in life. Simple pleasures time with friends, my little boys, a planned holiday , the chance to make a tasty supper.
So my message to you all is look sideways, when you are low, ruminating or coping with something someone else has done to you. Look sideways.
Kat
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Post by sarajay28 on Mar 16, 2013 9:16:33 GMT
Excellent idea Kat! I for one will be reading with interest x
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Post by juppster on Mar 16, 2013 13:05:25 GMT
Great advice mate x
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Post by wanagetoverthis on Mar 16, 2013 18:31:31 GMT
Great advice Kat xxx
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Post by Weeble on Mar 16, 2013 22:30:48 GMT
Tent poles is my next learning. I am like a tent, I am tethered to the ground by things external to me that make me value myself. My children, my husband and my work. However, those tethers weaken at times, they are not enough without the tent pole. I am missing my tent pole that is why I got pni.
Tent poles are the way you value yourself, they are your internal strength. I have not worked out how to build my tent pole yet. But I know I need one.
So my next learning from my recovery is stop worrying about the tethers, and focus on the tent poles, they matter much more.
Hope that made sense and if anyone knows how to build new tent poles let me know
Kat
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frogface
Private Board (R) Member
Posts: 938
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Post by frogface on Mar 16, 2013 22:48:40 GMT
I think my tent poles are the things I do that I enjoy, that I am good at and that are just for me eg playing piano. The only difficulty sometimes is finding the energy to go and do these things. Please keep writing the things you are learning.
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Post by Weeble on Mar 17, 2013 9:08:25 GMT
Tent poles and look sideways, today I am going to talk about crossroads. Crossroads are points where your life path touches someone very important and valuable in your life.
Here are a few examples: I wake up in the morning and in bed next to be is my husband, our paths have combined and we are at a crossroad. In a few mins I will jump out of bed and go on my path and him his. So I create a crossroad that makes me happy; I reach over for a cuddle and a kiss, I tell him I love him and how grateful I am for his love and I ask how his nights sleep was.
Another is when someone in the family goes out or returns from a journey. I used to just yell hello. I know actively move towards the door, actively welcome them home, give them a kiss, say how pleased I am to see them and ask them how they are and can I help with anything.
I have tried this for about two weeks, I don't get it right all the time, but I have noticed my husband is starting to do the same thing back.
So my next learning is take advantage of crossroads to reaffirm your love for people ; not just with words, but through the way you behave and the questions you ask
Kat
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Post by sarajay28 on Mar 17, 2013 11:40:53 GMT
on the tent pole thing, i can relate to this very much as i used to rely so much on the 'tethers' to make me feel valued - my dad was a biggie for me - he needed me alot but at times i felt he didn't need me i felt unloved and useless - i built much of my life around his needs and when his needs were being met by others (carers/other family/home care housing etc) then i felt out of control and irrational about myself - i needed that purpose to survive, does that make sense? I learnt, with the help of a counsellor, that this needn't be the case, that i could have my own life and not fall apart if my 'tethers' weakened! I quickly came to realise that my family weren't happy and content if i wasn't so i made some changes to include 'me' in my day and although its took a long time, i know what makes me happy and what doesn't and if i am ticking along nicely then so are my tethers - the kids are happier, i can go to work and deal with any issues there and then leave them there, my husband is happy if i am happy. So yeah i agree you need to get that inner strength for all the other parts to work - the tent won't work without its pole Can you remember the things you enjoyed/valued before you had children? Even just simple little things? Ever since i was little i have adored reading, a simple thing to many but a huge part of my life - in my first marriage my husband didn't read so therefore never understood my love of books and reading and made me feel it was a stupid thing to do, a waste of time so i did very little of it, when the kids came along i used them as an excuse (how stupid that sounds now) to visit libraries and bookshops - he didn't berate that as much?! I always felt it was a hidden passion of mine and this hurt alot, that i had to hide something i felt so strongly about just because he didn't agree/understand. Now my family and my husband (and he isn't a reader at all) understand this is one of my few passions in life and they allow me to do it without judgement - without making me feel its wrong/stupid/waste of time etc. It gives me great pleasure in my life and its something i do for ME. I suppose what i'm trying to say (in a long winded kinda way!) is that no matter how small or trivial your hidden passions seem, try to re-discover them as these will help to rebuild that tent pole xx
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Post by monica on Mar 19, 2013 14:12:53 GMT
Really great idea Kat and will help many incl me on our journy through life. Thing doing things for yourself like Sarajay has suggested can help build on your strength. Think I need to do that too at this juncture f my life. What do I actually enjoy as an individual. As mums, our lives revolve around home, kids and work.
Will also think about this. Thanksx
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butterfly
Private Board (R) Member
Posts: 1,432
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Post by butterfly on Mar 19, 2013 17:19:27 GMT
Tent polls cross roads....... I've been away from you lot for too long!! Missed you all but I'm back!!!
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Post by Weeble on Mar 20, 2013 21:28:21 GMT
Hi girls
Stop calculating. And no I don't mean stop doing maths.
Will explain more when I have found an example
Kat
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Post by Weeble on Mar 24, 2013 10:05:41 GMT
so stop calculating is about not counting up what has gone before and adding up if you are worse or better off than you are today.
been hassled off by T so back later
Kat
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Post by amers333 on Sept 1, 2014 17:45:27 GMT
I love all this crossroads & tent poles stuff it's great xxx
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Post by Weeble on Sept 1, 2014 19:04:36 GMT
Lol
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Post by brach24 on Sept 1, 2014 21:58:28 GMT
Love it! Thanks for sharing. X
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