Convincing myself

[aura]

I'm feeling terrible today! Somebody please reply to this. Need some reassurance big time. The thoughts have come back. They are so horrible I can barely handle it. Then there's a part of me saying that I'm having them cos I want to do them. That I must just do it cos I am bad. But I'm not! And I don't want to! I hate this! I feel so lost.

[monica]

Youre not bad person! It sounds like you're having a bad blip when all the thoughts, self doubt etc come flooding back. But this is normal in pni, although horrible.

Monica

[juppster]

The thoughts are one of the worst aspects of this illness but I promise you they are just that, thoughts. Have you considered cbt? I have written a little about it in your diary. How's the rest of your day been honey? X

[jessibella]

Oh sweetie. Your having a tough tine aren't you. It does get better I promise.

Agreed CBT could really help.

Remember that you cannot control the thoughts but you do have complete control over your actions. I know it's hard but the thoughts honestly don't mean anything. They are just thoughts xx

[aura]

Hey, sorry for clogging up the forums with all my freakouts and thanks for your support! I'm feeling a bit better but the past two days were rough. Practicing some self-help cbt and that seems to be helping. Thanks so much for the messages back you guys!! They are a real life-saver.

[jessibella]

Glad your feeling a bit better. Stick with the CBT. It takes practice but really helps xx

[aura]

Hmmm, so I am super irritable today and slammed my son's finger in the cupboard door when I was trying to get him away from it. He didn't cry or even get hurt, but I cried! I felt so terrible!!! And all the thoughts are back again. Trying to practice my CBT but sometimes it's almost overwhelming and I just want to cry. Please, please, please let this go away!

[frogface]

Sometimes the more you want thoughts to go away then all you can do is think them. Can you time yourself for five or ten minutes to actually allow yourself to think these terrible things? It sounds nuts but I found if I gave myself permission to have bad thoughts that they stopped becoming so intrusive. As a psych nurse once said to me if I tell myself not to think of polar bears for 30 seconds, then sure the next 30 seconds that will be all I think about! Hope some o; that made sense to you. What a shame about your boys finger, you must have got such a fright. But you were trying to help him. You are a good mum.

[Weeble]

Hi it will go away it just takes time. Great advice from face. Aura has anyone taught you any distraction techniques?

Sent from my GT-I9300 using proboards

[aura]

I've just tried the elastic band one, but not any others. Thanks for the help you guys. This blip is really giving me trouble. I can't even think straight. Like I start thinking one thing and end thinking another, I'm all over the place. I think it's because I'm distracted and anxious, but it's still really scary. Is that normal?

[monica]

Hi

It's normal for your thoughts to be all over the place when having a blip. Keep telling yourself it's just a blip and I assure you nothing more sinister. Blips are horrible thoughx

[frogface]

Yes it's normal but upsetting. I think of those thoughts like fish, you see one and try and grab it but it slips away and suddenly you are looking at a different one. I think it is exhausting to be so anxious and that is what stops us thinking "straight". This happens to me only very occasionally now and usually breathing and counting helps me. (And if not then I take something to knock me out). But I know in the thick of it it feels like it will last forever. It won't. It's temporary and it will calm down eventually. Walking helps a bit too.

[aura]

Thanks a lot, ladies!! This helps a lot. I guess the anxiety is just making me feel completely all over the place. Frogface, your description of the fishes etc. is perfect! That's exactly how it is for me and it's quite scary, especially with the insanity fears etc. This is the worst blip I've had so far. When I went through the actual depression, I had this feeling like I wanted to jump out of my skin I was so anxious and my thoughts were everywhere, my heart pounding etc. This is almost like that, but maybe one step less anxious. Like you're hyped on something. But reading all your advice really helps. And I think I will take a walk, monica suggested it too. xx

[monica]

You will come out of this. I think the fish analogy is perfect FF as that's what it can be likex

[aura]

So last night I went to lie down (quite late after work - 1am) and started dozing off, and for a second I dreamed I was a man. I woke up and freaked out completely. I started worrying what if I believe I'm a man and stressing out about why I had that dream. I know it's completely illogical and I'm guessing it's all to do with being a mom and wanting to be a mom etc. but the self-doubt and weird thoughts and anxiety are such a pain in the ass. I'm tired of doubting everything and not feeling like myself etc. I wonder if anyone else has had anything remotely familiar to this? I guess it's just the self-doubt and depersonalisation. Also noticed that when my mom is home I feel more pressure. Not sure why. I don't blame her for anything and I love her a lot, but I get more anxious when she's around and I can't quite put my finger on why that is. Sorry for rambling here, but I haven't run into the 'man' freak out in the forum and thought maybe somebody else had had a similar crazy thought. Is it more anxiety?