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Post by monica on Aug 15, 2013 13:14:16 GMT
Your new role sounds perfect and you are defo up to it. Well done! It will be interesting to hear how u te on on the pill so do let us know.
Glad the counselling has helped you. What were those insecurities if u don't mind mme asking? (no pressure)
Monica
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steph
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Post by steph on Aug 17, 2013 20:07:49 GMT
Well all in all I feel as though this week has been going ok. Thoughts still popping in but somehow managing to stop them overwhelming me too much. Been a little tough today as been just me and kids most of the day and hubbys first night shift back in a while so had bedtime routine alone but got through it in one piece! Had lovely cuddle with my little man before bed, I love my monkeys, so so lucky to have them, they are my world. Felt a little teary at points today but my period is due in a few days so putting it down to PMS. Hopefully the pill will help a little more with all that next month! Fingers crossed next few nights go well.
My insecurities I think stem from never knowing my dad (my mum raised me alone and he has no knowledge of me either). I guess I have never felt secure/safe, not that my mum didn't do a fantastic job but I feel that I didn't have that stable family unit growing up. I have also recently re-ignited my search to find him as since having children myself I have realised how important my hubby is in our children's lives and if there is any chance of finding out more about mine I should try. There was another time in my childhood when I was around 8 when I was abused which I have never really spoke about (not even to my mum). My husband knows but I have been opening up about it more with my counsellor so a part of me wonders whether this is where my worst nightmares (dreaded thoughts) stem from where I have never really dealt with it, who knows I think it is a real mix.
Phew, didn't expect to schpeel all that tonight but feels good to write it down, helps to make sense of things a little more!
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Post by Weeble on Aug 18, 2013 19:21:48 GMT
yes those really difficult child hood events are the cause of much mental illness. I am sorry do here about your dad and what happened. counselling can be really tough I have found it really hard too. how did today go?
kat
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Post by monica on Aug 21, 2013 7:20:26 GMT
Hi Steph
I so agree with Kat. Those life events in childhood often can trigger pni but it's great you are opening up and am sure you overcome these obstacles.
It sounds as if you are doing brilliantly. Looking after lo can often be challenging and the fear of it often worse that te realityx
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steph
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Post by steph on Aug 25, 2013 13:55:24 GMT
Hello all Generally feeling like the past week has been a really positive week Definately feel like things are slowly starting to improve. Managing with the thoughts generally as awful as they are, I am trying to just let them float around in the background! Stupid poxy silly thoughts! Period started this week too and strangely haven't been as bad with PMS this month, started taking the pill doctor prescribed anyway just to see if it helps but unlike anti d's at least I can come off it whenever I like. It's my baby girls 5th birthday tomorrow! Cannot believe how grown up she has become, may shed a little tear tomorrow! Sob, sob. We're out for lunch and then she's having her long awaited party in the afternoon so should be a good day. Feeling a little wobbly this afternoon but I think that is because its just me and the kids and we haven't got any plans so I guess I'm worrying about worrying but trying to focus on how well I've been doing the past week or so. No counselling this week due to bank holiday but I'm hoping this week will go well.
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Post by Weeble on Aug 25, 2013 20:42:59 GMT
hi this sounds positive really positive well done. hope the next few days go well
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Post by monica on Aug 29, 2013 11:01:30 GMT
Really positive Steph!
Birthdays can be hard as it's a reminder of this illness and you think back to how hard it has been but that's all normal. Hope the lunch and party went wellx
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steph
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Post by steph on Aug 30, 2013 21:00:36 GMT
My beautifull girl had a lovely birthday on Monday, we all enjoyed it with her. Had a good day. Off this week for last week of summer holidays and its been nice. Been a bit of a mix today and yesterday, felt quite anxious and irrational this morning and early afternoon when it has just been me and my pickle but then I picked up when I was home with hubby and children (my world). Bit unsure as to why I've let things get to me a bit more today. Wondering if its the pill settling in my system, hormones up/down etc. Anyhow, not letting it get to me too much now, new day tomorrow!
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steph
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Post by steph on Aug 31, 2013 12:35:16 GMT
Definitely not feeling quite right at the moment. Feeling very on edge and can feel anxiety niggling at me more whereas I've been able to keep it at bay more recently which has been great. The only thing I can put it down to is the Gedarel pill Ive been on for about 10 days now. Period has just about ended but feeling more like im due on again as have lots of spots/pimples, feeling very emotional and achey boobs etc. Hoping its just where my body is getting used to the adjusted hormones etc and not going the other way and making me worse. Just feel as though I'm unable to rationalise as well as I have been able to these past few weeks. Very frustrating!
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Post by juppster on Aug 31, 2013 20:21:41 GMT
Hmmm, very frustrating but I would imagine its your hormones settling down and getting used to the pill x
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Post by monica on Sept 1, 2013 8:54:04 GMT
Happy birthday to your lo!
Could well be the pill making you blip. Hopefully things will settle. Birthdays can also be a trigger as you think back to when u got this illness and why etc.
Hope today is a good dayx
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steph
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Post by steph on Sept 3, 2013 20:52:37 GMT
Thank you Monica Weekend had a few wobbles where I felt I was moving backwards a little and felt quite deflated but managing to brush my irrationalities (is that a word?) aside a bit more today. Going to continue to battle up to the top of that ladder!!
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steph
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Post by steph on Sept 8, 2013 9:08:48 GMT
Having a hard morning today, feel like I've taken a step back a little Have decided to come off of the pill as I really don't think it is helping at all. I am zoned in at the moment on 'what if' some urge comes over me etc etc and am so frightened of any bodily reaction in case it means something. It's almost like I'm expecting it to happen which makes me feel like a monster Making my time with my children so tough as I so desperately want to enjoy every waking moment with them and not have this hanging over me, these thoughts just feel so wrong as if thinking these things is just as bad as doing them. I'm feeling like a bit of a failure and a bad mum today I really hope this is just the hormones talking and that coming off the pill will get me back on track as really had enough now! Thought things were looking up as had a good few weeks where things were getting easier!
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Post by Weeble on Sept 9, 2013 14:54:54 GMT
I think
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Post by Weeble on Sept 9, 2013 15:57:18 GMT
started typing and my two year old wet himself. hence the odd response
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