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Post by monica on Apr 30, 2014 16:56:10 GMT
How's the day been?
Could u pencil in an hour of me time twice a week before you go to bed? Could u get someone else to put kids to bed whilst u read a book or whatever u fancy. Bedtime can be a real nightmare - kids doing anything not to go to bed! It's funny because I was the same as a child and now would love someone to order me to bed at 930!
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Post by quantumrose on Apr 30, 2014 20:55:52 GMT
Hey, how are you? Early bedtimes and lay ins are the stuff of dreams! I would love to relinquish bedtime responsibilities sometimes but its really tough at the moment. My partner's workmate had a heart attack last week. It's been a huge shock but he's ok. But hubby is now doing two peoples work and is pretty stressed and worried because the two of them run the company together. Im worried because I dont want him to get stressed and I'll too. Im sure its an exaggerated worry but its set my anxiety off. Also, the fall out is that theres less opportunity for' me time', or indeed ANY opportunity. I'm tired, worried and I really want to look after my partner and take the pressure off him. But I'm no good to anyone if I'm a total wreck, so I have to find a balance...
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Post by quantumrose on Apr 30, 2014 21:34:06 GMT
Actually no. I'm not being honest. I'm totally freaking out. The last time I felt like this was when my husband's grandad committed suicide. And I'm so sorry if that is too dark to mention. The details are horrible and best left unsaid but I don't feel good. I feel so selfish that someone is ill and I'm talking about myself, I hope you understand.
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Post by monica on May 1, 2014 7:58:35 GMT
Hugest hugs QR
you have Alot in ur plate ATM and no wonder its triggered off ur anxiety. Remember even non pni ladies would be worrying.
To try and avoid the anxiety running away with you write down each issue - so husband workload , husband stress, your stress, etc. maybe show ur hubby and between u try and see how each worry can be managed. I'm not trying to diminish your concerns but in black and white you'll see there are 5 or 6 issues where as if ur panicking it can feel as if there are thousands. Just an idea.
Do come on here to offload - a problem shared is a problem halved for sure xxx
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Post by quantumrose on May 1, 2014 8:31:54 GMT
HI hun, yes, list is great idea. It's funny how I forget these things when I need them most! Thanks for the hugs and the wise words. Always a great comfort xx
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Post by quantumrose on May 1, 2014 12:21:55 GMT
This is like running a marathon. I am trying so hard to keep on top of my head stuff, as well as usual life stuff and I'm really scared because part of me is feeling less than strong. An increasing part of me is stumbling and really wanting to hide away. I feel like I really need some support in a practical way as well as emotional but I doubt that is possible. Trying really hard to be positive, not anxious, a good mother/ wife/ friend/workmate etc etc. It shouldnt be difficult! People do it everyday! Why is this so hard for ME!
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Post by monica on May 1, 2014 15:29:42 GMT
You are doing brilliantly! The reason things can be a struggle is this horrible illness. Stress , and you have a lot of it, can make u feel like this. Also it's the fear of the unknown , how ur hubby will cope with work etc that's making you feel the way u are feeling ATM . Take each day as it comes. Try not to think into the future and worry about things that haven't happened. Saying that I know that's not easy , but do try to distract yourselfx
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Post by kmum on May 1, 2014 20:55:19 GMT
QR....being a good mother/wife etc isn't easy for anyone. The difference is that you probably are doing a great job but the illness makes you 'think' you aren't! It's just that you have a more negative attitude and perception when the PND takes over! Try to remember this and maybe even write down the reasons why you feel you aren't! You will them see a list that you will know is just because your ill and no other reason.
Concentrate on getting better before worrying about the rest. :-)
K
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Post by quantumrose on May 2, 2014 18:29:23 GMT
Thankyou Kmum and Monica, you are so lovely, hope you're both well xxx I'm in a dark headspace at the moment. I'm tired and stressed which doesn't help and my youngest is really picking up on it, which I obviously feel awful about. He's clingy and wants to feed alot. Everytime I sit down he asks for milk and he so desperately wants ALL my attention. Which today I especially haven't been able to give as much. A person without PNI would handle this better than I have. My health anxiety is sky high and this is the thing I struggle with the most. I think when I'm at my most anxious it's the thing my mind grabs onto- the worst case scenario. So I guess it stands to reason that its the thing im most anxious bout because tge anxiety came first! Anyway, I need a mental fluffy blanket and I'm not very good at giving myself one. I need a mantra maybe "everything will be ok, everything will be ok.....
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Post by RaspberryBeret on May 2, 2014 19:38:25 GMT
You are doing brilliantly especially as you have pni. I know it is hard to pat yourself on the back when you are feeling anxious. My friend said to me 'put down the big stick you mentally hit yourself with and pick up a feather duster!'.
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Post by quantumrose on May 3, 2014 14:28:45 GMT
Hi raspberry, nice to meet you! Feeling (and I say this tentatively!) bit better today. Maybe it's the feather duster ;-) x
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Post by sarajay28 on May 5, 2014 11:13:23 GMT
Hi qr,
I've not written in your diary before but I do read it most days. You cope fantastically well. You said in your post a few days back that - a person without pni would cope so much better. I just wanted to share my own thought on this to try and take a bit of pressure off you. My youngest is nearly 9 and I have been recovered for a long time now but I still have those ups and downs and just this weekend I've felt like I've been having a major blip?! However, my rational mind has told me that I am suffering alot of stress due to my circumstances and this will pass and I will get through it with the help and support of my family, friends and of course the wonderful ladies here. You however are still ill therefore your rational mind does not work the same, it's your illness making you feel like this. So please please don't put more pressure on yourself by telling yourself it's not normal, it totally is normal you are just Ill but recovering and under so much pressure right now. Hope that helps you a little, and like the others say even try to get even just 5 minutes to yourself. Take care xx
Sent from my C6603 using Tapatalk
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Post by quantumrose on May 8, 2014 17:34:09 GMT
Hi sarajay, thanks for taking the time to read my diary, its really nice to meet you x how are you feeling? I've been really struggling today. Feeling very panicky. I went to the Buddhist centre for parent/child meditation this morn and had to leave because little one was playing up. Felt totally gutted. Also massively overwhelmed with housework /general everyday stuff. I have a bad feeling I may be treated to a panic attack later, I've got 'that' feeling. I really wish there was someone to come over and do a load of washing or a tidy up! I know it's little thing but it seems big at the moment. I think I need a good cry...
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Post by monica on May 8, 2014 19:55:19 GMT
Hi
Sorry it's been a bit of a hard day. Do remember though that even non pni people have crappy days when kids play up and you can't seem to get much done.
If u feel overwhelmed by all the chores try and give yourself one goal only and try and do that . I find nowadays and that's without pni, that for me it's the most effective method I knowx
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Post by sarajay28 on May 8, 2014 20:37:47 GMT
Hi
Nice to meet you too, sorry today is a crappy day and you feel overwhelmed. Like Monica said if you feel like this try and give yourself one task a day to do or just don't do any!! I know that sounds crazy but in the midst of my own pni battle I went totally ocd about cleaning and housework and I'll always remember my mum telling me that nothing bad would happen I didn't do the housework for a day or two and you know what? It's true! And it's something that sticks with me all these years later, especially in stressful periods. Did you have a good cry? That works wonders for me too.
I'm struggling still today but I have stuff I need to deal with before I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but I know I will deal with it and I will cope and get through it and I will feel better again soon. One of the plus points of pni (if there is such a thing!) is that it's taught me how strong I am and what my limits are and also when to ask for help. It's really hard to see a bigger picture when your so consumed by pni but I feel it does change alot of women for the better. I've been where you are and never thought I'd come out fighting.....but here I am and so will you be. Have a good cry if you need to and just think tomorrow is one step closer to recovery
Xxx
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