|
Post by kmum on May 16, 2014 20:07:48 GMT
Not been on for a while! Was trying to get back to routine and normality but finding it tough. I'm at work 4 days a week now and find the responsibility ovwhelming. But yet I am stubborn and want to so desperately feel like my old self again. But I guess my old self will never be possible! Feel like I'm mourning my old dreams and ambitions. I look 10 years older and have put back on the stone I lost in Jan/Feb when I stopped eating!
I was so proud of myself and trying so hard to be a normal mummy. Surely working 4 days with an 11 month old shouldn't be that hard! Loads of mums do it. I just have to knuckle down and wise up and get on with it! But yet all I think if is the anxiousness and lack of sleep. The overwhelming worry and vicious circle of thoughts I get! The sadness and regrets. The upset and not bonding with son in those earlier days.
Iv been so busy trying to progress my career iv not realised that I can't actually do both like I presumed I would! I'm fighting being that 'stereotypical' mummy sort that don't want anything else in life other than looking after the home! Gasp! Sounds rude but iv honestly felt like the breadwinner and am usually so driven! I can't give it all up or il just turn into an old woman and start knitting!!!
But here lies my problem! I can't cope with the stresses of work and baby. It's a fact! But I feel like I do have an illness which prevents me from chasing my dream!
Selfish moaning Minnie! That's how I feel. I used to be fresh and confident but the PND has turned my works upside down. Just watched Eastenders and burst into tears!!! Now I'm weeping on the couch with a ginger nut and cuppa while snot runs down onto my top! Do I even care? Nope!! :-(
|
|
|
Post by kmum on May 16, 2014 21:42:57 GMT
Totally enjoying reading new posts and hearing from new members. Can relate to so many if them and even months on...I still need reminded that this feeling is normal!!!! ;-)
|
|
|
Post by monica on May 17, 2014 21:21:33 GMT
Hugs Kmum - don't be so hard on urself. Working 4 days and having a baby is a massive workload for anyone but being ill with pni does make u more prone to tiredness and things get intop of you. Additionally it may feel as if ul never get ur old self back but just give it time, it's still early daysx
|
|
|
Post by Weeble on May 17, 2014 21:48:58 GMT
Agree with Monica I am only just starting to cope and my youngest is 3.5 yeats
Sent from my C6903 using proboards
|
|
|
Post by monica on May 20, 2014 20:28:17 GMT
Hi
How ru doing?
Monica
|
|
|
Post by quantumrose on May 30, 2014 12:45:23 GMT
Hey kmum, how are you? X
|
|
|
Post by kmum on Jun 1, 2014 22:10:31 GMT
Hey sorry it's been so long. Iv been working so much and so exhausted at night that I literally fall into bed! Still seeing CBT guy which keeps me topped up with all the techniques and to remind me that I'm normal! My little boy turns 1 in just 2 weeks. Crazy!!!! Been desperately all over the place and low. Emotional and anxious. Again, my work doesn't help and had to work last week on my agreed day off as one of the girls was off sick! Wel before that I worked my day off too because baby was sick so had to stay at home! Hubby has been working tons and all weekend so iv felt a bit lonely and tired with dealing with little man and no break! Can't get over how I still get jittery and shaky and clench my jaw!!! Really must try the breathing techniques CBT guy gave me! Anyone tried them before? How are you girls doing?
|
|
|
Post by monica on Jun 2, 2014 9:06:55 GMT
Great to hear from you but don't apologise for not being on here. That's the beauty if the site. You come on here as suits YOU!
My word you have been busy. That in itself could account for the ups and downs . Child's birthdays can be very tough. Lets face it its the ultimate reminder of this horrible illness but try not to dwell on the negatives - there are many valuable positives as you have come so far in terms of recovery.
I'm very prone to the jaw clenching when stressed - I even have a mouth guard for the night! One tip I found good was to clench your jaw for 5-10 secs then release and do this few times several times a day. Hope that helps!
|
|
|
Post by quantumrose on Jun 3, 2014 7:38:57 GMT
Kmum, hi! We just had lo birthday party, just a little one, but it felt quite stressful before! I think when you've got other things to cope with, like pni, things can seem harder. As for breathing techniques, one that I find works for me is breath in for 4 sec, hold for 7 and breath out for 8. Apparently it resets your breathing pattern to a relaxed one. How you feeling today? X
|
|
|
Post by brach24 on Jun 11, 2014 9:54:57 GMT
Hi kmum, hope you don't mind me posting - I'm new on here. Just saw on the other thread that you were seeing the midwife counsellor today. I hope that goes really well x
|
|
|
Post by monica on Jun 24, 2014 15:05:15 GMT
How ru doing kmum?x
|
|
|
Post by kmum on Jun 24, 2014 21:51:19 GMT
Hey girls. Sorry iv not had the chance to post. To be honest iv been so busy and exhausted with work and babies 1st birthday last few weeks iv not had time. Can hardly believe it's nearly July already. So I had another session with midwife counsellor at the hospital a few weeks ago. Got to hear and read the nitty gritty facts of what happened after my labour last June! Was quite emotional but weirdly didn't affect me the way I feared! In fact my therapist thinks iv in some way managed to use these sessions to reset the experience in my head to a more factual based one which has probably allowed me to reprocess it and made it less dramatic when I think about it. So am pleased about that? Been doing ok at work. Iv had my moments and confidence still isn't where it used to be!!! Still issues with biz partner being a complete bitch which isn't helping!
|
|
|
Post by quantumrose on Jun 25, 2014 20:38:39 GMT
Hey hun! Wow, things sound pretty good. Going through the birth is good in many ways, not least of which you don't have to fill in the gaps anymore. Happy birthday to your little one, hope you all had a lovely day and you managed to enjoy it inbetween the organising! Sorry your business partner is being nasty, thats the last thing you need.
|
|
|
Post by brach24 on Jun 27, 2014 7:25:03 GMT
Glad the appoint was useful. Hope things are on the up. Do you think you should be calling your business partner on her issues? X
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
|
|
|
Post by kmum on Jun 29, 2014 22:57:00 GMT
Hey, the issues with business partner are long overdue, very complicated and to be quite honest unbearable to get into with her. I can't believe someone can be this way and so unsympathetic but then again I should have seen it coming. I should have realised as iv known her for nearly ten years and see how she has been with other people in the past! She dislikes women! Has a thing about men and basically likes to be centre of attention. A spoiled girl really and one I'm not keen to stay working along side if I can help it. We are in talks with another company who are considering buying us out! So finally I feel there is light at end of tunnel but it leaves so many raw feelings and creates more anxiety and low mood!!! It would mean the end if my career!!! What will I do??!!! Financially can we afford?? It's like when I allow myself to think about it I get so overwhelmed and panicky and the anxiety and 'running away' type feelings come flooding back! It scares me a lot as I have lots more difficult decisions and times ahead!!!
Doing 4 days a week and feel very very guilty as still send LO to childminder and don't tell her I'm not going to work! I tell her I'm working at home that day!!!! But it's time I genuinely need alone! For example, my hubby is just home at 8 pm tonight and iv literally not seen him since 5 am Friday morning! He works every other weekend solid and I have the baby on my own! I love spending quality time with him but I get literally no break! I do t wind down and when I'm heading back into work Monday....I'm shattered and can't switch off! Talking of which...nearly midnight and iv an early start!!! Nighty
Thanks for listening :-)
|
|