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Post by brach24 on Jul 10, 2014 21:57:04 GMT
Feeling on edge tonight. Desperate for a cigarette but haven't smoked in years!! Finding it hard to reduce my hours - the work hasn't reduced any so end up staying till it's done. So tired too. Not sleeping well. Really fed up and grumpy with the family. Wish I could have a day off from them. Sounds horrible but I just need some headspace.
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Post by brach24 on Jul 11, 2014 0:42:21 GMT
^ I mean my extended family - I'm feeling more love for my hubby and girls these last few weeks.
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willo
Full member
Posts: 36
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Post by willo on Jul 11, 2014 21:10:02 GMT
Can you make some excuses to pop out on your own without making a big thing of it? Eg. Back in 20mins, I'm just quickly popping to the.... shop / post office / hairdresser / need to drop something off at a friend's house etc
Hugs x
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Post by brach24 on Jul 11, 2014 23:19:59 GMT
Thanks for your reply willo. I have been trying to be stronger and not feel bad about saying no. It was pretty obvious they wanted to be invited to ours for dinner tonight but I stayed strong and didn't ask. They came over after dinner for coffee - uninvited - and said "we hope we'll get an invite soon". I actually don't mind their company but I feel so trapped and hate having other people decide what I'm doing. It's been a stressful day all round. Was looking at houses for my mum to buy and think I've seen one that she'll like. It feels like a heavy responsibility to be advising her on such a big issue. I'm looking forward to her living nearer though. Work was really bad yesterday. Got a text from a colleague today basically telling me to but out of her stuff. Not sure I can - will have to speak to boss. I hate any kind of personal tension. It's making me so anxious I'm just not thinking about it as when I do I get really low and have even thought of self harm today because of it. I haven't thought of that in a while. Quite disappointed. Didn't act on it though which is positive. Going to try and get some me-time tomorrow
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Post by brach24 on Jul 12, 2014 0:27:22 GMT
Lying awake worrying about work. So glad I'm on reduced hours. I hate this.
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Post by brach24 on Jul 12, 2014 10:11:59 GMT
Have decided I want to be a bit more open about having pnd - wanted to put something on Facebook but not sure what. I "liked" the pandas page but trying to think of something more clear. I texted the girl back and managed to just say ok see you later kind of thing. I didn't want to discuss the issue by text but I didn't want to not reply and have her think I'm pissed off... Which if I'm honest I am. I could really have done without this. Work was turning into a bit of a haven for me. Personal tensions seem to be a kryptonite to me. I'm bit due into work until Tuesday and here I am panicking about it already. She won't even be there!!! Ugh.
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Post by sarajay28 on Jul 12, 2014 11:38:17 GMT
Hi, I've just read the last few posts here and wow I could have written it all myself! The 'should' feeling - I hate that! The finances, it's a tough one. The family stuff :-( I hate that my mum n stepdad turn up uninvited, usually at teatime! Grr. Anyway its not about me but you....it's no wonder you feel anxious, stressed, tight throat etc etc. I have been recovered for a long time now and still have off days but I'm able to cope with these - in the midst of pni I didn't cope! I wanted to be looked after, safe, all the things you describe so please please don't be too hard on yourself. It's natural for you to feel overwhelmed, the added work stress doesn't help either. I'm very jealous of your comfy chair space! Make the most of it, especially whilst family are with you :-) you are doing so well, I know it doesn't feel like it but you are. Just by resisting the urge to self harm shows this! Keep talking, keep going to that special place xx
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Post by brach24 on Jul 12, 2014 20:29:35 GMT
Thanks sarajay, it's good to not feel so alone. Today was another difficult one. I feel so overwhelmed at times - when I need to make decisions and the world closes in and I feel trapped and unable to decide but can't move past it. I just melt down. I could really do with some good sleep - I know that sleep deprivation makes everything harder.
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Post by brach24 on Jul 13, 2014 2:30:54 GMT
Ugh been awake for an hour now. The baby needed settled but I just can't get over again. I know using my phone doesn't help but it's better than lying thinking right now. Am wondering how linked to my hormones this all is. I'm on my period just now. Cbt tells me it's all to do with wrong thoughts but it does just feel so hormonal at times. If it is hormonal would it be worth getting tubes tied or something. I'm not sure I'm ready to say no more but if it got rid of this id def think about it. Wonder how I could record to see if it is hormonal. Any good apps out there?
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Post by sarajay28 on Jul 13, 2014 3:50:42 GMT
Yes sleep deprivation has more of an impact than you'd ever think! I've never been a great sleeper either so I know how you feel, one thing I did get was an ion curve wrist band (Google it) and I don't know how much is psychological but I definitely sleep better since having it and I never ever take it off! Lol. On the hormone thing, I never suffered particularly bad pmt before pni but afterwards it seemed to be that horrendous every month so there could be something in your theory, I know from this site it seems to be a common after effect. I think I wrote about it once, I'll see if I can find the thread. I actually ended up getting the copper coil fitted so that my body could be totally 'fake hormone' free as I'd previously had the mirena coil. It worked wonders for me. Hope you've managed to fall back to sleep. I'm wide awake as I had my bedroom window open because it was so warm but now been woken by the birds!! Grrr lol. Xx
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Post by sarajay28 on Jul 13, 2014 3:59:52 GMT
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Post by brach24 on Jul 14, 2014 15:53:53 GMT
Thanks for sharing this. It's helpful. You mentioned keeping mood charts. I want to do that - how do u do it? I found a big help in stopping. Cerazette but still not better I was mega anxious this morning. Shaking and twitching . Couldn't pin point why. It's very annoying as I'm supposed to write about my thoughts for cbt but literally couldn't work out any bad though shay would cause that level of anxiety! Maybe it was the 5.30 start to the day!!! Anyway - having 11 of us tonight as have succumbed and invited the family for a BBQ ... It's now raining :/ Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Post by sarajay28 on Jul 14, 2014 17:50:57 GMT
Glad you found it helpful, if I remember rightly I had mood charts printed out of the Internet, try googling it. They definitely helped me. Hmm the 5.30 start coupled with 11 people to feed would be enough for any busy mum!!! Try to remember to be kind to yourself, someone on here once told me that and even now I ask myself if I'm being too hard on myself... We all like to think we are superwoman, unfortunately we aren't lol. Take care and try and enjoy tonight x
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Post by monica on Jul 14, 2014 19:43:48 GMT
Lots of stress for you. Re work can u sit down with the woman who texted you and discuss whatever issue she has. Is there anyone u could talk to your boss and get them to sort of mediate . I hate this type is stress and I think it's the unknown that makes these situations so much worse.
I'm with sarah - prior to pni I rarely suffered with pmt then after getting it - wham every month pmt was dreadful. Defo some hormonal link there.
Hope the BBQ went well - u must be shattered. Hope u get ur family to clean up. Try and get some 'me' time to r&r over the next few daysx
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Post by brach24 on Jul 16, 2014 19:06:43 GMT
I spoke to my boss yesterday and even read him part of the text as I didn't want to be over-reacting. The woman is away for 2 weeks so hopefully I can just pull back from having to interact with her for a while. It's not a good attitude but I just think stuff you. Had a good shift yesterday I did a few hours then went for a walk with a friend then went back and did a few more hours. It really helped. My concentration is very bad and my memory awful. I also feel very detached from the world in general. I've had to take 2 naps today. It's a very weird head feeling and I'm wondering if I'm coming down with something, if my autoimmune disease is flaring or if it's the citalopram as I've been on the upped dose for a few weeks now. I'm already beginning to panic about my gp appointment on Monday. I may just cancel as it wasn't for anything specific. Haven't seen anyone since feb so had been feeling i should and cbt lady made it my homework for July. Just not sure I can manage it at the moment.
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