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Post by Weeble on Jul 22, 2014 20:52:23 GMT
Oh dear poor you
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Post by brach24 on Jul 22, 2014 22:44:45 GMT
Thanks Katrina, my head is thumping and I feel nauseous and your post reminded me that it's prob just the meds and it will pass. I get a bit of health anxiety at times and assume it's some major problem. My bp is 89/67 which is low even for me. Was supposed to make a nurse appointment after gp but couldn't so will try again tomorrow. I'm feeling a bit anxious about posting on here - is there loads of folk who read and don't post? I really need a place to open up just now - I have no appts for next few weeks and feel like I really want someone to care and to plan to meet me. I saw my midwife yesterday and she asked so nicely about how I was and even asked if I was eating etc as I've lost weight. She looked after me well anti-natally and it was nice to speak to someone who knows me how I was before all this. Bit embarrassed for how much it mattered to me that she cared. In those moments I feel so vulnerable and so much relief. I feel like a weirdo!!
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Post by brach24 on Jul 24, 2014 2:07:23 GMT
Wide awake at 4am again. Makes me worry that I'll be bad tomorrow. I long for a day in the house so much. We go away for the weekend on fri morning and we haven't organised kennels let alone packing and I'm working - ugh!
Feeling pretty pissed off at the visiting family - they still haven't asked me about my pnd despite me mentioning it in an email and by text before. I've brought it up in context eg I think what you're suggesting is too much for me just now - I need some extra headspace just now etc
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Post by brach24 on Jul 24, 2014 2:41:00 GMT
Just re-read it was 2am not 4am although it's almost that now. I know I should turn my phone off but hate lying wake wih my thoughts.
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Post by juppster on Jul 24, 2014 6:48:09 GMT
Hi brach24
Argh, insomnia is horrid, I hope you managed to get a few hours sleep in the end?
I think there probably are quite a few people that read posts but don't respond. It may be that they're not feeling brave enough, might not think their opinion matters or may not feel they have anything beneficial to say because of their own thoughts and feelings at the time. What I can tell you though is that the majority of people that do read your posts will not judge you or think any less of you....the only reason they would be reading is because they are or have been experiencing very similar things to you so would only have empathy for you xx
Sounds like it's going to be a busy weekend for you...are you off anywhere nice? Xxx
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Post by monica on Jul 24, 2014 8:36:33 GMT
Hi
Insomnia sucks - I'm prone to it too. Hope u got off back to sleep.
Hope it's a good day for you. Try and bat away the health anxiety thoughts . Not always easy especially if ur tired. X
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Post by Weeble on Jul 25, 2014 17:40:03 GMT
I used to too. Now I take horse tablets from the psych and sleep too much of for a happy medium
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Post by brach24 on Jul 26, 2014 3:46:15 GMT
Thanks for your replies. They mean a lot just now. I've had a difficult few days. Busy and also having to be organised which I find really difficult with my anxiety. Today I've been twitchy and stuttery while ordering coffee at a shop - it really threw me. There was no reason to be more anxious than normal. I also did a thing where the words just don't come out at all. It used to happen lots but then the stuttering started - that was a relief because at least I was making a noise. People assume you're not replying or speak over you when you're not making noise.
My anxiety about other people reading this is not about being judged but about being recognised. I know the chances are slim and it is pretty irrational but I guess that's what anxiety disorder is!!
Got a wedding tomorrow - eek - hope the little one behaves! It's a long journey there and back (3hrs each way) so should prob get some zzzz
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Post by monica on Jul 26, 2014 4:02:59 GMT
Hi
With u on the insomnia front - can't bloody sleep . Hey try not to worry about the stuttering . U had a bad night before and that can make anxiety symptoms lots worse. Then u start dwelling on it which makes it worse again . I've noticed when tired my train of thoughts goes completely and I talk carp mix up prepositions etc.
Enjoy the wedding ! I love them although don't have any due! Hope the weather is goodx
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Post by Weeble on Jul 26, 2014 7:18:44 GMT
Hope today goes well. Be kind to yourself don't expect to much
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Post by brach24 on Jul 28, 2014 2:46:02 GMT
Wedding went well. The wee one was a real handful. The table next to ours were really lovely chatting to her and one of the ladies said "it brings back memories" and talked about when her kids left home and she thought about all the little details she missed like how her girl sucked strawberries!! It really really hit me hard. I don't think I even notice that stuff I'm so in my head all the time. I do what my kids need but often the rest of my thoughts are about me. How selfish!! The lady said "and you look so calm" I nearly spat my water in her face. I must do a very good impression of calm. I know I do because when I tell people I have a pn anxiety disorder they don't believe me because I tell them so calmly - only when they see me stutter or twitch does it look real to them. There are a few people who have been honest with me and said they didn't understand what i was talking about till they saw me at a time when I was stuttering. Have had a good day today - it helped to get a bit tipsy this evening although now my tummy feels rotten! But I managed to chat more with people and even have fun. I looked at my kids and felt and thought I really love these kids and wanted to hug them tight. I wish I felt that all the time. When getting changed today it ended up me needing to pick up my littlest with both of us naked. It reminded me of all the bonding stuff I tried to do when she was little and how scared I was the we wouldn't bond. I still fear that but i don't obsess over it like before... Well not as much.
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Post by brach24 on Jul 28, 2014 2:46:54 GMT
Meant to say thanks for the comments they were both very helpful x
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Post by monica on Jul 28, 2014 9:41:15 GMT
Glad u had a great day ! Take everything that lady said as a compliment - in spite of feeling so unwell you are doing a brilliant job! Hope the rest of the week goes wellx
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Post by monica on Jul 28, 2014 9:43:10 GMT
Also meant to add that even non pni mums lead such hectic lives that they forget to enjoy and love their kids - that's certainly the case with me. I just think with pni mums carry so much guilt that feeling this way is an automatic response!
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Post by sarajay28 on Jul 28, 2014 14:25:36 GMT
I agree with what Monica says, even us mums that have recovered feel this way but like you said because you are so in your head time just passes you by. I remember my health visitor telling me once what a fantastic actress I'd make!!! Because I hid my illness so well and it's true people don't understand what they can't see. You are doing great and I'm so glad you enjoyed your day, definitely a sign of getting better xx
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