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Post by brach24 on Aug 22, 2014 4:16:49 GMT
Assarrrgg!!!
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Post by Weeble on Aug 22, 2014 6:48:18 GMT
Work seems to do you loads of good. Sleep problems are a common symptom of pni. Bur an absolute pain. Have you tried relaxation techniques?
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Post by monica on Aug 22, 2014 17:18:42 GMT
What's up? Frustrating day?
Yesterday sounds v pisitive - brilluant that Will boost u no endx
If today was pants - write it off as a crap day - tomoz is a new onex
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Post by brach24 on Aug 22, 2014 21:50:49 GMT
It was the frustration of being awake in the middle of the night again. I think I'm on edge because of my mum staying so normally when I'd wait and see if the wee one went over again I'm now going through at the slightest sound so it doesn't disturb my mum. I'm so tired this evening i can imagine sleeping through!! Hope it happens xx
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Post by brach24 on Aug 23, 2014 7:41:32 GMT
The day ahead is busier than I'd like with my mum needing help. It's all stuff that the little ones get in the road with so I find it frustrating. It makes me want to ignore them and wish they weren't around so I can get the task done easier. I get like this when they get in the way of me completing a task. It's like I switch off emotionally to their needs and literally could let them cry while I just get on with it. I have to tell myself that I should respond to their needs first. I wish I was more emotionally linked to them and like my friends describe - being unable to do anything else but go to their children when they cry. I feel like I'm broken emotionally sometimes - I can go numb so easily. I do feel bonded with them but in those moments I feel like I'm back in the midst of full blown pni and it scares me. I did have a month or two where I didn't talk to my littlest one if it was just me and her and I felt so detached from her right at the start during that. I have definitely come a long way - I just wish I wasn't so cold hearted at times I hope today that I can be warm with them. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Post by juppster on Aug 23, 2014 7:57:50 GMT
Try not to beat yourself up honey, it's all part of the illness and look how far you've come. It doesn't mean you're cold hearted, it means you're suffering from an illness and doing your best to recover from it. Deep down you know you love your little ones, but to some extent I think you are trying to maintain some kind of self preservation too, which is quite ok and quite normal....try not to be so hard on yourself xx
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Post by Weeble on Aug 23, 2014 10:42:04 GMT
I think it's very normal to focus on tasks and ignore kids I certainly do it. Whenever I have these I am a crap mum things I do three things; firstly I remember that for the vast majority of human existence we were hunter gatherers and what did mum's do then. They almost certainly focused on other things at times. Secondly do I remember times as a child when my mum did it yes and did I mind not really and finally I remember the great things I do.
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Post by brach24 on Aug 24, 2014 20:49:39 GMT
That's really helpful thanks k. I need to find the balance for myself as there are def times when it is called for. I guess I know it goes beyond it at times where I just switch off to them - it's like I get overloaded. He wee one has been feverish for the last 24hrs and I'm not really coping with the tearfulness and clingyness. Normally she just wants to sit on my knee and cuddle if she's not well but she keeps trying to play and gets upset when things are right poor wee sausage. I've had a mega stressful day. A pal has been asking about my birth experience as she's due any day at the same hospital. I've avoided her for days but saw her today and got mega anxious. I ended up just saying I had a bad experience and don't want to talk about it which I hope isn't too upsetting for her. Her mum was asking too in a group setting and I just got up and walked out. It was more dramatic than I hoped but I just needed to get out. I practically ran. Think I'm still pretty traumatised about it all. It's been in my head a lot recently and I feel very angry about it still. I know there's little point having a review after all this time and especially as there will be no notes - they just abandoned me so can't imagine anything was written down. I've been really twitchy today and stuttery. Think some of my friends were a bit shocked as I normally hide it but couldn't today. There was a police helicopter over our area tonight. It's rural so not normal. I got hugely anxious that something horrible was happening and had to reassure myself that my girls were ok. Hope this week is a bit easier. Going to take time off work again this week again. I've got lots of holidays to use up and I just can't face it this week Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Post by quantumrose on Aug 27, 2014 7:35:07 GMT
Dearest Brach, one of the hardest parts of this illness is the worry of what other people think. You did what you had to do to look after yourself, by not talking about upsetting things when you didn't feel safe. That's sensible. How are things today? Xx
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Post by quantumrose on Aug 27, 2014 7:35:47 GMT
How's the wee sausage?! Xx
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Post by Weeble on Aug 27, 2014 20:27:47 GMT
:-) how are you?
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Post by brach24 on Aug 28, 2014 21:43:31 GMT
I've made it to thurs... Phew! It's been pretty intense this week. I've been surprised at how well I've coped though on the whole. The wee one has stopped the fevers and started teething - she was up loads last night and really grumpy today. The big one has a heavy cold and is feeling sorry for herself. She's a drama queen. I loose my patience all the time with her - I'm sooo tired!!! Xx
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Post by brach24 on Aug 29, 2014 3:54:11 GMT
Wide awake again and a full day ahead of me including hopefully my first cbt since June - eek!!
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Post by brach24 on Aug 30, 2014 8:29:52 GMT
Feeling great - my cbt went great yesterday - I was able to see how much progress I've made. Most of it from not being fearful of being anxious. My friends all think I'm loads worse because I'm not hiding anything anymore. I just feel so free. I only got 4hrs sleep last night but only feel sleepy - not down or stressed. I've had pretty constant pain this week but even that hasn't got me down. I'd forgotten what this felt like. I've still a long way to go. I'm not keen to jump into all the responsibility I used to have and I quite like my smaller group of friends. I definitely like not pretending to be strong all the time.
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Post by Weeble on Aug 30, 2014 10:40:27 GMT
Go girl :-)
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