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Post by charlotte1990 on Jul 28, 2014 20:40:12 GMT
Had my hair done this morning. Josh was playing up at first and kept crawling up to the hairdressers hand bag and opening it. My mum did come eventually and took him to the dentist with her. Was nice to just sit and relax child free for an hour. Did feel a bit dizzy this afternoon I was rushing about after josh and he wouldn't stop crying. I often feel overly stressed when josh cries a lot. I find his cry such an awful stressy sound.
Tonight I've managed to pack my case for holiday tomorrow and for a change I could actually think what I needed to take without it being the hardest thing in the world to do. When I went to Ibiza a couple of months ago I didn't know where to start my boyfriend had to pack because I knew I would forget so many things. I just had no idea what we needed.
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Post by charlotte1990 on Jul 28, 2014 20:43:31 GMT
I never really go to tesco, good job too by the sound of it! Its Asda and Aldi that's bad for me but morrisons not so bad☺️ Glad your homework is helping you I look like trying it myself. I wouldn't mind but I live near a place called Meadowhall a big indoor shopping mall and I used to love shopping there but it has the same effect on me as supermarkets. On the plus side I suppose it's saving me money that I'd usually spend on clothes I don't need xx
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Post by charlotte1990 on Jul 29, 2014 21:44:19 GMT
Had to get up early and finish packing. Josh was a pain wouldn't stop crying think he is teething. Mum drove us to Skegness. Felt ok this morning but tired. Felt sad when my boyfriend went to work and I knew I was going away without him for the week.
This afternoon we went for a 3 hour long walk. Josh was laughing and my mum and grandad was making him laugh and they thought it was great and it made them laugh and I felt bad because I just didn't find it funny. I'm his mum I'm supposed to want to make him laugh as I'm walking along. Started having a few chest pains and fuzzy head think it was all the people around. It's packed can tell its the 6 week holidays. My grandad is sleeping in the room with josh tonight I feel uncomfortable about it I felt like I needed to sleep next to him but feel like I can't say anything because it's his caravan.
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Post by Weeble on Jul 30, 2014 6:06:52 GMT
Don't be so tough on yourself. until the last century we would have lived in much bigger family groups and mum's would have had multigenerational help all the time. This is how things were ment to be. As I get older and my babies get bigger I understand why your grand dad wants to be with him sleeping with a child iis precious. When I read your email I thought wow lucky josh to have such a caring family.
K
Sent from my C6903 using proboards
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Post by monica on Jul 30, 2014 16:33:22 GMT
Hi
How r hols going? Perfect week for it for sure!
I agree for Kat - try not to overanalyse things and be hard on urself. Go with the flow . With PNI u probably won't laugh at things that wud normally make u howl - that's the illness not you.
Enjoy having the bed to urself however if if ur lo being with grandad is making u v anxious put him in with u. He's ur child and u can do what u want. Sure ur mum and grandad would understandx
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Post by charlotte1990 on Jul 30, 2014 20:43:16 GMT
Thank you you are both right. I know I'm being daft and he would never hurt Joshua I don't know how I could think that. Do you stop thinking this way eventually when recovered from PNI and not worry as much or will my mind always think this way?
The holiday is going ok thank you. Missing my partner. Night times are a bit boring here we just stay in. Weather has been good but forcast rain rest of week xx
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Post by charlotte1990 on Jul 30, 2014 20:57:43 GMT
Been to fantasy Island market today. As soon as I got there's head instantly felt muggy and my vision went more foggy. Same effect as the supermarket has on me. Think it was because it was so busy could hardly move.
Walked it there and back must have walked about 4 hours today. Walked to the amusements tonight with my Mum. I know I'm sad but I love the 2p machines won 6 chupa chup lollies. Really tired tonight must be from all walking I've done.
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Post by monica on Jul 31, 2014 17:13:30 GMT
My goodness ur doing so much. Hope ur enjoying hols. New situations crowds etc can b especially stressful but I think ur doing so wellx
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Post by charlotte1990 on Jul 31, 2014 22:36:15 GMT
I am enjoying it thank you Monica.
Had a bad night last night. Was woken up at 3am by a woman that was sat on a bench at the side of our caravan and talking loudly on the phone. Don't know why she was sat on the phone outside at that time. Couldn't fall back asleep after that. Thought she was going to break into the caravan. Then I heard my Grandad walking around he must have just been going to the toilet but I had visions in my head that he was either going to kidnap Josh or stab him so then I was listening for the caravan door opening or the kitchen drawer. Of corse when I woke up at 8 this morning Grandad had fed changed and was playing with Josh and I felt guilty for thinking such a awful thing.
Took josh to the seal sanctuary today. Was really good he enjoyed seeing all the animals. Also took him on his first little ride in the amusements. Got some lovely photos. Not felt too bad today but had sore throat, a few headaches and the dodgy vision.
My Grandad bought me take a break magazine back from the shop today. Read it this afternoon and I've never seen so many horrible upsetting stories in a magazine won't be reading it again. Them stories are playing on my mind now as one was about a dad hurting his baby boy.
Had a day of eating sweets, chocolate and buns today. That always makes me feel better even though now I feel like a whale.
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Post by sarajay28 on Aug 1, 2014 7:14:53 GMT
Sounds like you are having a good holiday despite the thoughts and feelings, well done on trying to stay positive as it's very hard. How inconsiderate of that woman! Some people have no manners do they?! On the magazine thing, I used to be an avid reader I loved my magazines but after suffering pni I was the same as you. The stories played on my mind so much that I stopped reading for a long time. It's a common thing with pni. I've since switched to more positive uplifting magazines such as spirit and destiny :-D there are some magazines out there that aren't full of doom and gloom and horrific stories. Enjoy the rest of your holiday x
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Post by monica on Aug 1, 2014 8:57:28 GMT
Hi
You're not alone on the magazine front . I used to avoid things like women's own, news and papers as I couldn't handle. Stick to hello mag for now or anything trashy.
What a nightmare woman. Nights always worse for those time of thoughts especially when woken up.
When do u go home?
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Post by charlotte1990 on Aug 1, 2014 19:45:24 GMT
Glad I'm not the only one then that can't handle magazines. Yes I have enjoyed it thanks sarajay. I am going home tomorrow Monica. Forcast floods and bad rain tomorrow so going to go home a day early. Ready for home now though running out of things to do. Looking forward to a sleep in my own bed and a nice bath
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Post by charlotte1990 on Aug 1, 2014 20:15:27 GMT
Took Josh to the beach this morning. I didn't enjoy it felt like the miserable mum. Never been a fan of sand though. It was freezing josh had sand on his hands and I thought he might eat it. Grandad took josh down to the sea I was scared for his safety as usual. My vision was pretty off and my head felt fuzzy.
Went for a walk into Skegness town. Felt really irratated today. Felt bad because my grandad and my mum have paid for everything this week and my grandad gave me 60 pound for josh to take home (going home with more money that I came with) and only trying to help but I still felt they were telling me what to do and how to look after Josh and trying to take over. Had a argument with Shaun tonight (my boyfriend). We are going home tomorrow because the weather is going to be bad but we was supposed to be going home Sunday. Told Shaun I am coming home tomorrow and he has just been off with me all day. He was going to watch a football match tomorrow and than having a lads night in at our house and having beers and a takeaway and he said he can't do that now cos I will be home. Told him I will stay upstairs with Josh but he says he can't so now I'm paranoid that he is up to something and needs the house to himself because he is either going on a wild night out and he daren't tell me or got a girl coming round. I've turned very insecure also but still he is acting strange. Really annoyed me. He never shows me any affection anymore. Sometimes feel like why do I bother with him feel like just going home and ignoring him. Some days I think he is such a great Dad and Fiancé but others I hate him.
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Post by charlotte1990 on Aug 2, 2014 21:00:44 GMT
Came home this morning. Shaun had gone to watch football so I had Josh all day. I knew Shaun was going out today so couldn't really moan but was hard work. After a week of having my Mum and Grandad helping me with josh he's a real handful on my own. Doesn't make sense either after I was moaning about other people looking after him I know! My physical symptoms not been too bad at all today. Unpacked, got lots of washing done and tidied up along with looking after Josh without too much of a fuzzy head after.
Shaun's Dad turned up this afternoon. Long story but he likes to drink a lot and it annoys me. He said he had walked it so I knew he had had a drink. He had also rang me three times since I got in asking me the same questions. Really annoyed me that he would put himself near Josh when drunk. Of corse I was thinking he was going to drop him! He started asking me if I'd fell out with Shaun and if I was going to watch him play football tomorrow. This got my back up because I thought Shaun had been talking about our row and I thought he would have gave football a miss this week so he could spend day with me and Josh before he goes back to work. Looks like I'll be looking after Josh alone in the morning tomorrow too. Good to be home though had a nice night with Shaun catching up on only way is Essex and Geordie Shore.
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Post by Weeble on Aug 2, 2014 21:01:17 GMT
Get it out girl I think many of us feel and have thoughts like this. All my boys have eaten loads sand It all comes out the other end making very troublesome nappies
K
Sent from my C6903 using proboards
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