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Post by Kirsty on Apr 8, 2016 12:51:13 GMT
So I'm here outside my counsellors house waiting to go in! My first private appointment and I have got a referral through my GP for CBT too next week! I'm absolutely terrified! I can't believe this has happened to me!! I just want to get better for me my husband and daughter! I just want to enjoy life again be happy and wake up not feeling anxious! All I keep asking myself is WHY?!?! What have I ever done to deserve this?! We tried for our little girl for so long and I can't believe I feel no happiness at the moment! What is bloody wrong with me?!?!? ARGH!!
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Post by monica on Apr 8, 2016 18:10:17 GMT
How did the counselling go? Hope it was positive but at the same time it can be hard talking about how you're feeling even though talking about it can make a huge difference.
As to why - it could be hormonal and simply the changes in these can trigger it especially if you're prone to anxiety. I'm sure the trigger will become apparent in time. PNI is a cruel illness that doesn't discriminate . It affects women from all walks of life and from all backgrounds . There are triggers and you can be more prone to it due to a variety of factors .
Focus on getting better - the normal trajectory is feeling up and down as you recover but as long as overall you're improving that's the main thingx
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Post by Kirsty on Apr 9, 2016 4:48:52 GMT
It went well I think! Was very very emotional and I did leave crying my eyes out which continued for about an hour when I got home however I felt better after! She has booked me in for 6 sessions now so hopefully we can sort this out! Having a bad night with the little one! Can't settle her she is just crying crying crying! No matter what I do I can't settle her!! Bad mother alert!!!!!!!
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Post by monica on Apr 9, 2016 9:19:05 GMT
Not bad mother alert - new born baby alert! Sometimes you can't settle them regardless of what you do! Hope you get a bit of R&R in today.
I'm really pleased the counselling has helped. Yes it can be tough but facing it all is the way forwardx
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Post by Kirsty on Apr 9, 2016 12:38:39 GMT
I'm feeling very up and down today! One hour I'm happy and counting my blessings and the next I'm crying feeling like I want to run away! Is this normal?!? Why can't I just be happy with the life and family I have?! So frustrating!!!! Xx
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Post by Kirsty on Apr 11, 2016 9:19:33 GMT
Going back to the doctors today to review meds! The last 4 days have been horrible with anxiety and low mood! Hoping this will end soon!!!!!!!!!! I want to be a good mum to my girl and enjoy every moment
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Post by monica on Apr 11, 2016 13:54:18 GMT
How did drs go? It's normal (although horrible!) to feel worse for up to several weeks when starting meds. If you can get through it it's worth persevering, but definitely something to discuss with dr. Soemtimes dr can prescribe something to ease the anxiety in the short term until the meds kick in . Let us know how you get onx
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Post by Kirsty on Apr 11, 2016 19:19:32 GMT
She wants me to continue on with it at the moment! I have got my appointment with the mental health team tomorrow (was meant to be a week Wednesday) but they bought it forward after my crash this morning. I know I keep saying it but I just want to have hope that I will get better! All my hope has gone and today I actually felt like I didn't want to wake up! Scary thought! I'm in a complete mess! All I keep thinking is that I don't want my baby but i also know underneath it that I do and I love her so how can I be so conflicted with my feelings and thoughts?!? Does it mean that I don't want my baby? X
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Post by monica on Apr 11, 2016 20:18:46 GMT
Hi
You do love your baby! That is so clear. With PNI your feelings are all jumbled up and can fluctuate wildly which is confusing. Honestly you will get better - don't lose hope. I suspect you feel so bad because of the meds but hopefully in a week or two you will start to pick up. What meds are you on? X
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Post by Kirsty on Apr 11, 2016 21:08:53 GMT
I really hope so Monica! I can't keep feeling like this about her! It breaks my heart when I look at her sometimes! I'm on Fluoxetine x
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Post by monica on Apr 12, 2016 8:04:36 GMT
Hi
How are you this morning?
You'll see in time these fleeting negative feelings towards your daughter will go - and you'll accept them forvwhat they are - just confused thoughts dependant on how you're feeling and not in any shape or form a reflection of your love for your daughter .
When a negative thought pops into your head say STOP aloud or clap your hands. This can shock you into breaking the negative thought process. Give it a gox
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Post by Kirsty on Apr 12, 2016 8:37:46 GMT
Morning Monica,
Feeling a little better this morning but anxious about my appointment this afternoon! How are you? Thank you for you advice! Xx
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Post by Kirsty on Apr 12, 2016 15:37:31 GMT
Turns out it isn't Cbt I'm going to have! They have referred me to the postnatal depression specialists to help me through! Here's hoping! Got my private counselling tomorrow! X
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Post by monica on Apr 12, 2016 16:47:41 GMT
Oh wow a team who specialises in pnd. I'm sure that will be very good, I attended a pnd course run by a nurse who specialised in pnd and for me it was fantastic . It taught me a lot about the illness and what I was going through. Getting this clinical info really brought home that it was an illness which in turn helped me stop being so hard on myself aiding my recovery.
Do let us know how you get onx
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Post by Kirsty on Apr 12, 2016 17:09:41 GMT
Yeah it should be good! It started a recovery diary at home and hoping that helps too! As I've said I'm desperate to beat this and get through it!
Monica do you still have struggles now or have you recovered fully and can shrug off the negativity??
Xx
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