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Post by katharine87 on Jul 20, 2016 10:12:17 GMT
Ive been constantly looking over this site for the last month. And have only just got around to registering. Its been a blessing to find this online.
Ive found that the most distressing part of my pni is the physical effects and the anxiety has zoned in mainly on my health.. but also the health of my children. And having to keep trying to convince myself that this IS pni and im not dying. Which (5 weeks into my medication) im still finding the hardest to accept. Mainly because i feel that if i wasnt dizzy and apaced out and having all the other symptoms i would be fine, and definitely not depressed.. but my doctor has reassured me that my health is good and thats she believes that it is pni. I really do go around in circles with this..
Yesterday i was an absolute mess feeling spaced out with blurry vission, foggy, depressed and crying my eyes out believing it was a deadly disease AGAIN! ended up trying to sleep most of the day and had an early night.
Today im feeling normal-ish. I had a few moments where i felt spaced out for a bit when i was out, but came good quickly. And apart from a pesky small headache i have felt ok..
See what tomorrow brings.
Currently on 30mg escitalopram Week 5 on meds
Feeling really happy to have a diary now to record this!
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Post by monica on Jul 20, 2016 11:29:56 GMT
Welcome to the diary section!
Your posts sound exactly like mine a decade ago. PNI for me started with weird physical symptoms - the longer it when on the more my health anxiety worsened until I was a wreck. Like you I became obsessed with how I felt because I felt so ill. With meds things did improve and many of my symptoms disappeared like headaches tingling and numb patches. Others like a pressure behind one of my eyes lingered ( feeling spaced out would come and go). Like you no one could show me evidence this was PNI there wasn't a blood test which could give me hard evidence that the cause of my illness was PNI - but ultimately it was.
It's hard to control the anxiety especially when you can't predict when ur symptoms are going to appear. All I would say is try to ride out the crappy days - learn tips on dealing with anxiety, be super kind to urself, rest when you can , eat properly and try and exercise. You will get through thisx
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Post by katharine87 on Jul 21, 2016 2:21:41 GMT
So ive seen my dr and she wants me to get the ct scan now to rule anything out. She explained that it is just a routine procedure that they do when cases of new depression surface. Im also getting my bloods for my thyroid done to rule out all medical possibilities. Because i keep going in circles thinking it could be something else. I think this will give me the reassurance that i need at the moment. Now im just going to have to anxiously wait for the results. Makes me feel a little bit sick in my stomach.. i cant bare the thought of having a horrible illness and leaving my children without their mother. I could just cry thinking about it. My dr did say that she believes all it is is classic post natal depression. But because its all so physical for me she wants me to have the reassurance so i can move forward. She did not increase the medication any further which is good. Still ahve this horrible headache that wont leave me alone Hate whats happening to me at the moment
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Post by katharine87 on Jul 21, 2016 6:29:34 GMT
That nearly made me sick.. but the ct scan came out clear. Im so relieved
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Post by monica on Jul 21, 2016 8:14:49 GMT
Wonderful wonderful news! So pleased for you - I hope this can really help you move forward. It is quite unblievable how pni can make anyone feel so ill.
It's absolutely no problem to use this site if you're in Australia or anywhere else in the world for that matter. It's fantastic you could access such diagnostic testing so rapidly - is this done privately? It's really interesting to hear how the medical system works abroad.
I hoep you really have a great day - you deserve it!
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Post by monica on Jul 25, 2016 10:21:35 GMT
How r u doing? X
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Post by katharine87 on Jul 29, 2016 3:13:22 GMT
Hi Monica, have had a rough couple of days but feeling steadily better and better. I was surprised that i was able to get the scan so quick too! My dr just gave me a form and there was a list of places on the back i could call to make an appointment. The first place i called had a free time that afternoon so i booked in and i could collect my results within the hour!! Definitely not private, strange thing is with this country is if it was private id probably have to pay..?!! So strange..
Anyway i think im developing those negative thought patterns.. as you did. Im freaking out over every minute thing about my health.. ive been coughing up phlegm in the mornings and ive been looking it up over the internet for hours obsessively.
I will start seeing the psychologist on the 11th August so i hope that that will help xx
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Post by katharine87 on Jul 29, 2016 3:46:26 GMT
Just saw your reply to the abusive ex. He was horrible to him the last time we tried to organise access for my son. Yelling at him that he wasnt his father and his body language was being really threatening. I dont believe he will physically hurt Jake but he has been telling him things that have made his behaviour really hard to deal with. My ex tells him things that arent true, like im trying to keep him away from him. Tells him that my husband isnt his dad (jake decided when he was 3 to call him dad) and not to kiss or hug him. A lot of things like this.. when i brought it up with him he got abusive on the phone. Being aggressive and telling me that im not teaching jake properly and that he is his real dad (he dosent pay any child support and does not do anything to help in raising him) my husband loves jake and provides everything for him and us as a family. My ex had a drug problem when we were together,and once our son was born that was why i left him as his perception of the world is warped. I believe hes doing drugs again. And everytime i think about the situation my chest gets tight and i get that spaced out feeling. As well as obsess worry about everything. My life feels a little like hell at the moment
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Post by monica on Jul 29, 2016 9:25:34 GMT
Health anxiety is horrible ( as are any other forms of anxiety). My advice would be to stop looking things up - inevitably if you google simple cold symptoms it'll churn up some horrible disease so just don't look. I used to do this and would be doubly freaked out . I'm sure your psychology appt will help tackle this. Given that youvecsuffered from such physicsl symptomy its no wonder you have Health anxiety but in time it will go.
Glad you're feeling better. Really hope you manage to minimise the time your son spends with his dad. I'm sure social services equivalent in Australia can help. It is worrying though X
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Post by monica on Aug 8, 2016 9:29:17 GMT
Hi Kat
Just wondering how you are
Monica
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Post by katharine87 on Aug 13, 2016 7:40:39 GMT
Hi Monica
Good sometimes. And bad sometimes. Right now im full of anger its making me shake. I feel like i want to quit. Run away. Im so tired all the time. I feel like my husband gets so much free time and i dont. And i hate him for it. I have the kids 24/7 and this stupid illness that makes it hard. Sick of this. Hate this
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Post by monica on Aug 13, 2016 8:28:33 GMT
Hugs . Doing anything 24/7 is tough. Have you spoken to your husband about this? If not I guarantee it hasn't occurred to him that maybe you need some 'me' time. Tell him and factor in something for just yourself. What do you enjoy doing? X
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Post by katharine87 on Aug 13, 2016 10:42:42 GMT
Yes i have.. hes really great and says anytime i want to have some me time to let him know. I think im angry at the illness more than anything. Feel like ive had a good run the last two weeks. Probably over did it with catching up with people and chores.. and now im falling in a heap. The organised 'mediation' for my ex to get more access for my eldest som is coming up. And im feeling so stressed about it. Its probably triggering the anxiety. Have a massive headache and my head is feeling off balance. I really just want to feel strong again. To be able to face a challenge clearly and sensibly. Not get all these side effects of the pni. Im guessing anger is maybe linked. Was like i was seeing red..
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Post by Kirsty on Aug 13, 2016 16:44:11 GMT
I know how you feel Hun! I am so fed up with it! So so fed up! I just want to feel better and enjoy my life again. I hate waking up everyday at the moment because I know it's another day full of horrible thoughts and upset! I bet the anger is a part of the PNI I have heard other people say their anger has gotten bad since having it. Hugs to you xx
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Post by monica on Aug 18, 2016 10:40:55 GMT
You've got a lot on your plate plus overdoing it can make you struggle. Anger can well be the reaction to all of what's going on. I remember absolutely hating my partner with such passion - it wasn't all his fault but I seemed so full of rage st times.
Perhaps channel that anger into something positive. Doing exercise can really absorb it. I hope things have calmed over the past few days. Sorry keep meaning to reply but perpetually busyx
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