frogface
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Post by frogface on Oct 3, 2016 9:31:29 GMT
It doesn't last forever, but it feels like it will. I had that lightheaded dizzy disconnected feeling a lot. Meds helped me but it took a while to find the right medication and the right dose. Coming off them wasn't nearly as hard as I feared after reading all the horror stories. It took me a long time to accept they were what I needed and that was probably the biggest stumbling block to my recovery. Your baby is not even a year old. I had a traumatic birth also. It never disappears but I hardly think about it these days. This is the most horrendous illness but it doesn't last forever and you must remind yourself of that every day. 'There is light at the end of the tunnel'.
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Post by monica on Oct 3, 2016 15:28:05 GMT
How are you doing? X
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Post by newmom on Oct 3, 2016 16:02:22 GMT
Thank you for asking. Not doing well. Maybe some moments that are better than others but overall a crappy sickly feeling. Weird lightheaded feeling a lot, get tired easily like a dreadful fatigue coming over me ( had dozens of blood work , complete thyroid panel dozens of times already..all is ok). My psychiatrist suggested using St John Worte so I started this several days ago. Also feel weird head buzzing , which was one of the first physicsl symptoms when all this started back in April .. Some symptoms disappear for weeks then come back . My baby is 7 months old and I've been dealing with when she was 2 months old... 5 months feeling like my life is over
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Post by Amanda89 on Oct 9, 2016 22:15:44 GMT
I'm so sorry you are going through such an awful time. I had a similar experience of having such severe physical symptoms that I even convinced doctors there was something physical wrong with me (which was confusing for them I suppose, as I was hospitalised for complications anyway aside from the PNI) I spent all my savings on a brilliant psychologist/counsellor. I was on the NHS waiting list with no date in sight, so the little money I had I went private. I felt a huge difference with just a few sessions. I did try antidepressants whilst I was waiting for counselling, however I didn't react well to them to stopped them pretty quickly. People do get better with or without medication. Or with both. My doctor strongly suggested I start medication immediately, but I found talking therapy much more beneficial. What I would say is that, if you haven't had counselling, do consider it. I learned tools that not only cured my PNI, it also saved my life. The horrible thing about anxiety is that it makes you feel that you will never get better. That's just a symptoms of it, it's not the reality. Hold on, and get yourself the help you need. In whatever form that works for you. A year ago I never would have believed I would get better, and you may not believe me when I say it, but you WILL get better. Get the help you need. The physical symptoms are awful, but they are a temporary symptom of an illness that is 100% treatable. Xx
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Post by newmom on Oct 10, 2016 15:53:37 GMT
Thank you Amanda so much fur the encouraging words. I have tried counseling , 2 different therapists for almost 2 months but they didn't really help me. It's hard to find someone who is really trully qualified in postpartum issues and also compassionate.
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Post by monica on Oct 10, 2016 17:43:00 GMT
Unfortunately there aren't many PNI specialists. Ironically I saw a specialist pnd nurse who didn't have kids herself; she was amazing and I felt she completely got what I was going through.
How is the St. John's wort going? X
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Post by newmom on Oct 11, 2016 13:23:25 GMT
Feeling so so weak and tired today, debilitating and dreadfull fatigue . It's horrendous. I'm so lost in all of this . So sad and discouraged. Yesterday, for half a day I got some relief from the symptoms , especially relief from the dizziness. The fatigue I'm having now tends to come and go, but it's so frightening. I absaloutly do not believe that something that feels so bad and awful can go away... It will never go away for me. How do I live like this? What about my baby growing up with a mother that can't function? I'm so sad , it's beyond words. She'll be 8 months in about 2 weeks.
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frogface
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Post by frogface on Oct 11, 2016 13:28:08 GMT
Your baby will be fine please don't worry, once you are there, that's the main thing she needs. My daughter is five now and I was mentally absent for the first nearly two years of her life. It will get easier, I promise. Part of the terror is in thinking it will never end. But first you will have a good couple of hours, then a day here and there and suddenly without knowing it the good times overtake the bad. Your baby needs you beside her, she doesn't feel what you are feeling. Take slow deep breaths when it feels like it's all too much and keep writing and talking.
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Post by newmom on Oct 11, 2016 13:39:24 GMT
I've been dealing with this since mid April...almost 6 months and no end in sight. I'm afraid it's not postpartum related anymore but maybe I'm developing a chronic mental disorder or something. I never had mental issues in the past but maybe this is it for me I cannot believe I'll be able to handle this much longer. I feel sorry it took you 2 years to overcome this. Not everybody recovers from this illness... I'm sure I'm one of these women who will never recover from PNI.
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frogface
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Post by frogface on Oct 11, 2016 13:48:17 GMT
I'd never had any mental health issues before my second child was born.. Part of being unwell with this horrible thing is being convinced you've lost your mind and there is no road to recovery. These thought themselves make us feel worse and they are exhausting. Is there any opportunity for you to talk this out with a professional?
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Post by newmom on Oct 11, 2016 13:54:42 GMT
I have tried counseling , 2 different therapists for almost 2 months but they didn't really help me. It's hard to find someone who is really trully qualified in postpartum issues and also compassionate. I did so much talking already with therapists ,doctors, psychiatrists etc No one was able to convince me that this will go away. The more they try to convince me the more horror I feel. I'm the only on who knows how I really feel, they can't put themselves in my shoes... I feel so horrific there's no way no way it will go. It's embaded in me and been like this since April.
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frogface
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Post by frogface on Oct 11, 2016 14:02:06 GMT
Therapy was very helpful for me but only after I found the right medication. Before that I was suffocating. But had to reach the decision myself to take it. Before that I felt forced to take pills and that was almost the worst time of all.
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Post by newmom on Oct 11, 2016 14:08:47 GMT
I only use Xanax (anti-anxiety) very sporadically because it's highly addictive. I reacted really bad to antids. My psychiatrist says I have more anxiety /panic than depression. Just a touch of depression because the amxiety is not going away. When I have moments when the physical anxiety symptoms are less severe, then I dont even feel the touch of depression, it lifts right away . But when the physical symptoms return then sadness and frustration set in again . I'm feeling like I'm suffocating and dying slowly each and every day that goes by .
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frogface
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Post by frogface on Oct 11, 2016 14:12:33 GMT
I do hear you. It's the worst feeling imaginable. I'm so sorry you're going through it.
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Post by newmom on Oct 11, 2016 14:19:47 GMT
Yes , it's the worst feeling in the world . Especially when I Look at my beautiful baby girl and see how well she's doing ( almost sitting up ) and I'm so debilitated and will never be able to fully enjoy her because I'm dead inside.
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