Post by bambi1991 on Nov 10, 2016 16:38:24 GMT
My beautiful girl is 10 weeks tomorrow. I struggled to feel a connection whilst I was pregnant and if I'm being truthful I struggled when she was first born.
I don't really know where to start but I guess it will help me to type away even if nobody replies or reads this.
At this very moment I feel like a failure. I feel like I have 100% let my daughter and failed as a mother. I have days where I am really struggling- I just feel blank or my anxiety hits the roof. I occasionally go through stages where I am obsessed with my health and that I think I am dying- I don't know why I do this but it just happens.
Being a mum is a whole new world to me and I am very nervous around other mums. I guess its just part of being a new mum.
My main problem this week is my mother in law. Myself and my partner lived with her for the best part of my pregnancy. She would often make it out to be about her, for example, I ended up being admitted to hospital due to a bleed and I had not felt baby move much that day. I thankfully had the all clear from the hospital, once home she told us how worried and upset she was whilst at work and that she couldn't lose someone (the baby). When we found out we were having a little girl she didn't react, she would tell us ''you need to have a boy'' ''you need to have a boy next for me'' so these little comments carried on throughout the time we lived with her. I learnt to ignore them and try my best to get on.
Before we had our little girl we moved into our own home. It was fantastic. Now my in law would come round without asking, which was fine to begin with, however I was exhausted and very heavily pregnant. Little things started from doing whatever she wanted in our home like smoking. ''You haven't banned smoking have you'' whilst lighting up a fag- I had no choice and felt I couldn't say anything in my own home. One evening we had BBQ and my OH told his mother that she wasn't to smoke in our home anymore- she flipped and shouted abuse! I again felt so awkward and couldn't say anything.
After a while it settled down and we all got over it but now its all about when she wants to see our baby. It had been about a week since she had seen her, she messaged me asking if she could come round to ''see MY granddaugher'' I that day had already made plans to meet up with another mum for the very first time. I was leaving the house with the baby on my own to a public place which was a big deal for me. My in law did NOT like hearing ''no'' I offered to see her the following day but it wasn't good enough. She went off on a tangent saying she wasn't going to beg to see her and we can decided if we want her in our daughters life. She was extremely rude. I thought this was a brilliant time to set boundaries! The fact was she didn't like what she heard. She wanted me to drop my plans when she is free and not working.
I struggle as it is to get myself out there.
Last week we went round for Sunday dinner- she was very short and abrupt. Little side comments ''OH I'm starved of her'' which really really wound me up as I had been going out my way to go round to her house to make sure we didn't have any drama and that she would see the baby (all on her bloody terms!)
She told us to leave our baby in the livingroom which neither myself or my OH felt comfortable with but we literally had no choice- she was VERY forceful. We sat down eating our dinner when we heard our girly crying, I went to get up and my in law put her hand on my shoulder and said ''Shes fine''... I kept telling her no, I'm going to go see her. Again this caused tention because I was doing something against what she wanted me to do. I am not leaving my child to cry just because she has told me to.
I have a massive issue with her smoking yet she still does it and she will hold our baby, kissing and cuddling her. She doesn't respect me as a mother one bit.
She also suggested to other week that I hold my 9 week baby on my lap whist she drove us home because I didn't have the car seat. She was shocked when I said no....!!!
Other comments such as ''Shes so boring why is she sleeping'' ''wake up!'' ''Do they starve you!'' ''poke her an wake her up'' they all just get to me so much. Yet I stay silent.
I feel like a massive failure. Its bad enough that I let her get away with how she treats me but now with my daughter she makes me feel so small and worthless.
I feel like I'm not allowed to speak up when it comes to my daughter Its so sad. I have no interest in going round my in laws house at the moment and I am really avoiding it.
I'm struggling as it is without her doing this to me.
I hope I don't sound silly or petty. I am not very good at explaining what is going on and to be honest that's just a little part of it.
I don't really know where to start but I guess it will help me to type away even if nobody replies or reads this.
At this very moment I feel like a failure. I feel like I have 100% let my daughter and failed as a mother. I have days where I am really struggling- I just feel blank or my anxiety hits the roof. I occasionally go through stages where I am obsessed with my health and that I think I am dying- I don't know why I do this but it just happens.
Being a mum is a whole new world to me and I am very nervous around other mums. I guess its just part of being a new mum.
My main problem this week is my mother in law. Myself and my partner lived with her for the best part of my pregnancy. She would often make it out to be about her, for example, I ended up being admitted to hospital due to a bleed and I had not felt baby move much that day. I thankfully had the all clear from the hospital, once home she told us how worried and upset she was whilst at work and that she couldn't lose someone (the baby). When we found out we were having a little girl she didn't react, she would tell us ''you need to have a boy'' ''you need to have a boy next for me'' so these little comments carried on throughout the time we lived with her. I learnt to ignore them and try my best to get on.
Before we had our little girl we moved into our own home. It was fantastic. Now my in law would come round without asking, which was fine to begin with, however I was exhausted and very heavily pregnant. Little things started from doing whatever she wanted in our home like smoking. ''You haven't banned smoking have you'' whilst lighting up a fag- I had no choice and felt I couldn't say anything in my own home. One evening we had BBQ and my OH told his mother that she wasn't to smoke in our home anymore- she flipped and shouted abuse! I again felt so awkward and couldn't say anything.
After a while it settled down and we all got over it but now its all about when she wants to see our baby. It had been about a week since she had seen her, she messaged me asking if she could come round to ''see MY granddaugher'' I that day had already made plans to meet up with another mum for the very first time. I was leaving the house with the baby on my own to a public place which was a big deal for me. My in law did NOT like hearing ''no'' I offered to see her the following day but it wasn't good enough. She went off on a tangent saying she wasn't going to beg to see her and we can decided if we want her in our daughters life. She was extremely rude. I thought this was a brilliant time to set boundaries! The fact was she didn't like what she heard. She wanted me to drop my plans when she is free and not working.
I struggle as it is to get myself out there.
Last week we went round for Sunday dinner- she was very short and abrupt. Little side comments ''OH I'm starved of her'' which really really wound me up as I had been going out my way to go round to her house to make sure we didn't have any drama and that she would see the baby (all on her bloody terms!)
She told us to leave our baby in the livingroom which neither myself or my OH felt comfortable with but we literally had no choice- she was VERY forceful. We sat down eating our dinner when we heard our girly crying, I went to get up and my in law put her hand on my shoulder and said ''Shes fine''... I kept telling her no, I'm going to go see her. Again this caused tention because I was doing something against what she wanted me to do. I am not leaving my child to cry just because she has told me to.
I have a massive issue with her smoking yet she still does it and she will hold our baby, kissing and cuddling her. She doesn't respect me as a mother one bit.
She also suggested to other week that I hold my 9 week baby on my lap whist she drove us home because I didn't have the car seat. She was shocked when I said no....!!!
Other comments such as ''Shes so boring why is she sleeping'' ''wake up!'' ''Do they starve you!'' ''poke her an wake her up'' they all just get to me so much. Yet I stay silent.
I feel like a massive failure. Its bad enough that I let her get away with how she treats me but now with my daughter she makes me feel so small and worthless.
I feel like I'm not allowed to speak up when it comes to my daughter Its so sad. I have no interest in going round my in laws house at the moment and I am really avoiding it.
I'm struggling as it is without her doing this to me.
I hope I don't sound silly or petty. I am not very good at explaining what is going on and to be honest that's just a little part of it.
