I'm having trust issues

[Habi]

Hi everyone, I am having trust issues with my husband. I have recently given birth to a beautiful girl who is only 11 weeks old. I was fine at first. But just recently I am having trust issues and I desperately need some help. Last week we had a bad fight and he is sleeping separately since then. I wasn't bothered about it. Just to add my mom came to help me out to look after the baby. She wakes up very early and have her breakfast. This morning I saw her going downstairs to the kitchen. She needs to pass the sitting room to go to the kitchen when my hubby is sleeping. I woke up at that time to nurse my baby and waited 15/20 mins and but she didn't come back. So started going downstairs and I heard her quickly coming to the staircase. I asked her what was she doing and she answered having breakfast. I saw my husband awake as well. Since then I m just going crazy thinking that they are doing something behind my back. I feel like crying badly. Don't know what to do. Is it post natal depression and I'm just not thinking right or is there something really happening I don't know. Please someone say something.

[monica]

Welcome Habi

I'm sorry you're going through a difficult time atm. Sadly I can't tell you if anything is going on with your mum and husband although I think it's unlikely.

How have you felt since the birth of your baby. PNI has many symptoms including paranoia, unhappiness, anxiety. Maybe the argument with your husband has triggered this at a time when you're vulnerable just having had a baby. Obviously you must feel hurt if he's sleeping in another room - I would be for sure. Could you sit down and talk to him about it telling him how it's made you feel? Perhaps also talk to your mum about supporting you.

Having a baby can often put a lot of pressure on even the strongest relationships so you're not alone.

Do consider seeing your dr about how you feel. Just talking can help hugely. Do you have friends you could talk to ?x

[Habi]

Hi Monica, I feel okay most of the time. It's just in the morning i have all these thoughts. I know if something is going on I wouldn't be able to stop it .
And if there is nothing, I want to learn how to control my emotions and stop being paranoid. Generally I am a very strong person. But after my delivery it's just got difficult to control my emotions. I don't want to discuss all these with my friends , that's the reason I'm here.

[monica]

Hi

You're really not alone in the way you feel. Mornings for some reason are commonly more difficult for women - not sure why - it might be due to some chemical changes during the night.

If you feel that the thoughts are worse am perhaps get up as soon as you wake and give yourself tasks to do to act as a distraction . Perhaps due something a bit physical - like some sit ups as a bit of exercise can get those endorphins (the feel good chemicals) flowing and perk you up. It's useful life skill to learn which coping techniques work for you. I know you don't feel comfortable sharing how you feel with others but bear in mind that if things get worse Drs are there to help. Being isolated with your thoughts has the potential to make you feel worse.

Try to rationalise why you suspect something between your mum and husband - reasons for and reasons against. Do it on here if you like. If you get it down in black and white it can clarify things and make you see whether you're overreacting or not x

[Habi]

Reasons are: why would she rush upstairs as soon as she heard my footsteps.
I hear them talking sometimes closing the kitchen door. Why she doesn't chat with him while I'm there
My husband cheated on me before. Since then I don't trust him. I wanted get separated but accidentally got pregnant.


Reason against: my moms 50 yrs old. And a very religious women. She wouldn't do something like that.

I asked my husband and didn't say anything about mom, just said I think he is doing something! He promised that he is clean .
I can't think of anything else.
The whole day it's been bugging me.

[monica]

It's hard to recover from someone cheating on you but possible if both parties want to. From what you've said it really doesn't sound as if they're up to anything. Maybe they're both talking over concerns about you? Perhaps talk to your mum about it and say you've overheard then talking and you'd prefer it if they invilved you in any conversation . X

[monica]

My ex partner probably cheated on me - if he didn't it wasn't for lack of trying on his part. The paranoia drove me crazy - it was with me 24/7 - then one day I said 'no more' to myself and the sense of relief was unbelievable. It's hard to stop these thoughts - maybe instead try and examine how your husband is with you and what your relationship is like. I know your baby is very young but possibly start thinking about how you feel about wanting to be with him - it's far healthier for you and helps you feel more in controlx

[Habi]

I know what you are saying. I know it's an unhealthy relationship. We know each other 17 years. And married for 8 years. I tried to leave him at least 10 times for several reason. But every time he came to me sometimes crying sometimes telling me that he loves me more than anything and I m not going to deny, I had weaknesses too. May be I wasn't strong enough to make the decession to leave. Now I'm thinking about the baby. It's very hard to be a single parent.

[monica]

Hi

Yes it is hard being a single mum and your baby is very young atm but life will get easier and you will have new choices and options in the future.

How are you! X

[Habi]

I'm good Monica, thanks. That day I told my husband, you need to come and sleep in the bedroom cause I can not be alone at night and think about you doing something downstairs. He replied 'I am a 36 yrs old guy, I have got other things to do than doing something wrong behind your back. Still if sleeping with you makes you happy, I will do it'. So at the moment I am relaxed a bit. But we both agreed on talking to each other about all the issues once my mom's gone which is on the 5th of august. But I believe I was overthinking at that time and was really tired so may be there wasn't anything going on.

[monica]

So pleased things are better. Communication is key! Onwards and upwards x