Not the life I wanted

[rosemcg]

Hiya, I’m 18 years old and my baby girl is 12 weeks. Falling pregnant was a shock and was not planned at all (I was taking the contraceptive pill) but keeping our daughter seemed like the only right thing that me and my boyfriend could do. I do not regret our decision, my baby is my life and the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, but I can’t help but keep on thinking about the life I lost and could have had if I had not become pregnant.
I fell pregnant during my final A level year and finished my exams at 37 weeks pregnant! Results day was a success and I got into uni, although I will now be going to one closer to home next year. Despite this however, all my friends have moved away to go to uni, are making lots of new friends and are just being independent and partying all the time. I feel so left behind as that is what I had always planned to do I know I have a baby to focus on but being a young mum is isolating enough without having no friends nearby.
My boyfriend is very loving and supportive and I couldn’t ask for anyone better. However, I feel envious of him because he still has friends here, and is able to work every day whilst I am stuck at home on my own losing my mind. I also feel like our relationship has aged years since having a baby, I miss being independent, care free and having time on my own.
My self esteem has never been the best, but since having a baby I feel so ugly and inferior to everyone and that’s all I seem to focus on. Whenever I’m content, my brain finds away to focus on the negative which makes me feel bad about my life and myself again.

Any suggestions on what to do?

[monica]

Welcome!

My first thought after reading your post was complete admiration for the maturity and determination you have shown at what must have been quite a shocking surprise. In spite of this you've completed your A levels , going to Uni and clearly are a wonderful and loving mum and girlfriend. I hope you can see this.

I think your reaction maybe your grief to the life your not able to live is entirely understandable. It's common for 'adult' women, by that I mean ladies who might have 'lived' their lives as single women without these responsibilities you have, to also miss being able to do what and when you want and have the outside stimulation a baby , no matter how much loved, can't give.

Perhaps you could try to keep in touch with your friends still and even have the odd night night. I think it's important you can still enjoy being a teenager and having even a little bit of time for yourself. Your boyfriend sounds wonderful too.,

From what you've said, it doesn't sound as if you have Pni but I'm not a health care practitioner. however it's no bad thing to perhaps talk to your health visitor about how you feel. She will have had experience of other mums in your position and I'm sure can give advice as well as keep an eye on you. What do you think?

However if you feel these thoughts are becoming overwhelming and too much for you, you're becoming detached from baby, depressed, anxious or any other symptoms I would urge you to get medical advice.

Please feel free to keep talking on here - we will certainly support you X

[monica]

Hi

I was just wondering how you were? X