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Post by monica on Jan 30, 2018 23:09:03 GMT
How are you Emily? Hope things ha e been better today! X
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Post by leanneh on Feb 1, 2018 16:04:55 GMT
Hi Emily, try not to worry. You are doing an amazing job. I may be wrong but I'm sure round here family support workers are totally separate to social workers and are actually just linked to the health visiting team. I'm sure they are like the equivalent of the Community Nurses you get in the perinatal teams and so they come and see you and chat to you, see how you are getting on, let you be able to talk in a safe space and help where they can. They aren't qualified the same way as the health visitors so are cheaper for them to employ and have more time to spend with you. Don't quote me on it as I may be writ but that was my understanding of it.
I totally understand where you're coming From as I spent a lot of time avoiding help from People when it was offered mainly because I was scared of what it meant but everyone is there to help and that help will be a lot more valuable than you realise xxx
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Post by emily1985 on Feb 4, 2018 19:05:49 GMT
Hi ladies. So since I last wrote, I decided not to make use of the family support offered to me. It felt like a step back if I accepted that help and therefore do more harm than good.
I haven’t felt too low over the past few days, but S has started waking in the night when he was previously sleeping through, and I know for me that tiredness really affects my mood. I’m hoping that he settles down again soon because otherwise I think the lack of sleep will catch up with me and really affect my mental state. He nearly 16 weeks old now though and I’ve read about the 4 month sleep regression which seems to have become my new anxious obsession. For weeks it was colic, then his injections, and now teething and the sleep regression. I seem to get over one worry and another one soon replaces it. It’s more than just worry, too. I become absolutely obsessed to the point those worries are all I can think about. I drive myself insane trying to come up with solutions when in reality as we all know, babies will do whatever the hell they like.
Something new has been happening over the past week too. I keep imagining I hear S crying, but when I check on him, he’s fast asleep. I hear him when I’m in bed, when I’m showering, wherever really. It’s so bizarre because I hear the crying as loud and as clear as day. I then check on him time and time again because the crying doesn’t always stop straight away, and every time he’s peaceful and asleep. I wonder if that’s my anxiety over his crying getting the better of me.
Thank you all for your continued support.
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Post by monica on Feb 5, 2018 10:25:15 GMT
Hi
I'm not entirely sure about hearing noises and it's cause - but I do get this from time to time and think it's a combination of tiredness and anxiety. Perhaps try to ignore it ? With anxiety learning how to ignore and bat away symptoms helps get rid of them.
Do you think the rumination over potential issues with baby stem from your fear and ultimately lack of confidence? The fear will go as the confidence comes....you are a brill mum , your son is thriving and that is down to you x
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frogface
Private Board (R) Member
Posts: 938
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Post by frogface on Feb 5, 2018 14:22:46 GMT
I'd be everso tempted to chuck out that book if it's giving you more to worry about. Hearing the baby cry might well be exhaustion but don't be afraid to mention it at your next review, even just to put your mind at rest. Keep talking.
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Post by leanneh on Feb 6, 2018 20:04:34 GMT
Is that the wonder weeks app Emily? I know people swear by it and I was tempted to get it but was worried it would just be another stick to beat myself with so didn't bother. I'm glad I didn't because I never noticed particular sleep regressions. He may have had the odd night where he was less settled but I never noticed a huge pattern.
Try to stay away from anything like that. I found Facebook groups and books just made me ruminate more and best myself up more and I would find a link between reading things and my lows x
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Post by monica on Feb 8, 2018 14:57:40 GMT
How are you keeping? x
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Post by monica on Mar 5, 2018 17:26:15 GMT
Just wondering how you have been Emily? Hope things have been going well for you x
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Post by emily1985 on Mar 6, 2018 7:05:52 GMT
Hi Monica. So sorry I haven’t written in a while; life gets in the way, as I’m sure you know!
Things have been up and down. The therapy sessions aren’t proving too useful to be honest. I don’t find the process of having to lead the sessions particularly useful, because I don’t really know how to verbalise what I’m feeling and thinking most of the time. Also, I want the therapist to offer her opinion, to tell me what’s going on - but she won’t do that. She wants me to come to a conclusion on my own and I don’t feel that I can do that.
I’m still taking the 150mg of Sertraline, and I think I will do for quite some time to come. I worry about coming off it and going back to how I felt when S was first born, which was a hundred times worse than I feel now.
I’m going back to work in 6 weeks and the thought both terrifies and excites me. I can’t imagine leaving S with a total stranger and I can’t imagine being away from him for hours at a time every day. But I’m also excited to get a sense of routine and my own life back a bit. I’m hoping that work will be able to lull me back in gently, but I’m also suspicious that I’m going to be thrown in at the deep end.
Thank you for asking after me x
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Post by monica on Mar 6, 2018 13:22:44 GMT
Hi
Great to hear from you and don't apologise for not posting.,this is your place to come and go as you please - I was just checking up.
Things sound well for you. It's normal to feel apprehensive about returning to work. Who will look after s? Maybe have a couple of trial runs beforehand so both of you can get used to it. Going back to work helped me hugely. It was a distraction from my thoughts and I could be someone other than mum. I hope you can be eased into your role gently - do keep in touch with work about that.
Don't worry yet about meds. I got to a point when I felt ready to come off meds. I almost felt s little high in them and was in a much better place. When you're ready set up a plan with GP and just wean yourself off them slowly. A cpn recommended vit B and evening primrose oil supplements as well.
How's S doing? X
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Post by leanneh on Mar 9, 2018 14:20:12 GMT
Hi Emily,
Lovely to hear from you! As monica said try not to think about coming off the medication yet. I am just coming off the Sertraline now. When I first got ill I used to be desperate to come off them but when it came to it I felt quite nervous. I reduced them very slowly going from 200 to 150g and then staying on it a month before reviewing with gp and going down to 100mg. At 100 I struggled a bit with side effects and dips but the dips felt different and not like I was going backwards but just getting used to regulating my own emotions again without them. At the month review I decided it would be irresponsible to reduce again without things settling down so stayed on 100 for another Couple of months before going down to 50. Even then to avoid potentially struggling with that drop too the gp suggested doing 100 one day and 50 the next. I did that for a month and found the drip fine. After a month of that I am now on 50 every day for two weeks And next week will do 50 every other day for two weeks. That should then be it! Having the plan in place really helped me feel in control of it so try not to worry about it. I initially thought I would only be on them 6 months but it's been almost 2 years now.
I also found going back to work really helpful.85 gave me headspace away from my son to have time for me and brought back a little of the old me. If you aren't sure then maybe try a phased return? That's what my psychologist suggested to me although I didn't end up doing that!
With the sessions are they with a counsellor? They sound more counselling where they like you to be in control and make the decisions for yourself. Like you I would have been totally incapable of doing that. I needed to be told what I could do to help myself and for someone to make sense of how I was feeling for me. The psychologist did this a lot more than a counsellor. Are you in a dedicated perinatal team? Is there a different person you could see? X
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Post by emily1985 on Mar 15, 2018 9:29:59 GMT
Hi again ladies.
In terms of who will be looking after S when I go back to work in a month, my dad is having him a couple of days a week and we will have to put him in nursery the other 3 days. It is far from ideal and so expensive but we don’t really have much choice. I worry a little that my dad will struggle with him, because after all it’s been a good few years since my dad had to take care of a baby. With the nursery, what if S hates it? And what if they can’t cope with him? I imagine most if not all parents have these worries, but they are constantly on my mind.
I’m not even contemplating coming off the Sertraline any time soon. I’m still very anxious a lot of the time now but nowhere near as bad as I was, and I have the Sertraline at least in part to thank for that. I know I can’t be on it forever though, so I’m wondering how I will cope when I do stop taking it.
I’m finding the counselling/therapy sessions more of a struggle than beneficial. The last couple of sessions involved recording S and I interacting and then discussing the recording, finding evidence of our developing bond. It just feels so forced and unrealistic though. I don’t want to have to say ‘oh look he’s smiling at me, everything is great’ because I just don’t find that helpful. I want someone to tell me why I feel so anxious and how to deal with it. I’m doing my best for S and I do love him, but it doesn’t stop me being incredibly anxious all the time. I barely have any space in my head for anything other than worry.
Additionally, we’re going through the process of trying to sell our house and buy a new one. That’s proving stressful also, and I’ve been suffering with physical symptoms of that stress (at least I think that’s what it is) - headaches, chest pain, exhaustion, aching. I just need a break!x
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Post by monica on Mar 15, 2018 18:25:32 GMT
Hi
You have so much going on in your head and lots of worries floating around - no wonder you're having these symptoms and these are real concerns to you. I'll give you my thoughts - they're not necessarily right but hopefully will help you think more positively. I'm sure others will have ideas too.
Remember too you're not alone in having these worries.
1. Coming off meds
Don't even worry about this ! This is still early days in recovery terms - as hard as it might be to imagine, you will feel better in the future and a time will come when you'll be ready to come off the meds. I had Pni moderately and picked up quite quickly after taking antids yet I still took them for nearly two years (my GP recommended a year after feeling well). There came a point when I almost felt a little high and excited all the time. And I too was in a position like you when I could never envisage feeling 'normal' but it did happen!
2. Nursery - I have no doubt baby will be fine - he's used to seeing other people and being babysat so it'll be fine. At nurseries they are used to babies and kids finding it hard and have techniques to soothe them. If (and I doubt this) there are issues they will tell you. To soothe you try to ha e a few sessions beforehand and do something nice whilst baby is there. This is time for you to unwind!
Re your dad, just play it by ear. I'm sure he'll love it but agree with him to be honest if he finds it too much then you'll know and maybe have to make alternative arrangements but give it a go anyway. It'll be cheaper and it'll be good for grandad and grandson to bond - something that your son will treasure forever.
3. Talk to the counsellor! They can adapt the methods used and it is t a case of one size fits all. There are loads of techniques that can be used. Could you talk about the anxiety and lack of confidence? Perhaps things to tackle that might be more useful to you. Or maybe the counsellor has an end goal which isn't apparent . Either way communication is the key!
4. House move - it doesn't get more stressful than that! Talk to hubby - perhaps he could take over the admin stuff , just for now? Or maybe consider postponing house move for now? Would that be an option?
Big hugs - this is a hard time but will improve! You're doing an amazing job x
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Post by leanneh on Mar 20, 2018 12:43:14 GMT
Hi Emily,
Going back to work is so so tough. Even now if I think back to that time I can remember how hard it was. The reality was so much easier than the build up though. My son absolutely loves nursery and gets so much out of it. They are always doing messy play and playing in the garden and he adores being around other children. Sometimes I now worry his days with me are too boring for him! Dont get me wrong, it wasnt always like this. He cried the first few times but you can always call after an hour or so and check they have settled. They should also do some settling in sessions with you so ask about these. My lb went once with me for an hour a few weeks before he started and then did an hour on his own, then two hours on his own the week before he started properly. I used to tell myself that he was always having fun when I collected him and was never crying which meant he obviously got used to it soon after I left. A year on he now walks in quite happily and the highlight of my day is seeing the smile on his face when I collect him!
My mum also helps once a week and I didn't know how she would get on at first as her advice was so dated and she never seemed to take anything in I told her (I lost count of the number of times I had to tell her to place him to sleep on his back because she kept insisting it wasn't done that way when I was little!!!) She does listen however and he loves going there now - often shuts the door in my face and they both have a whale of a time! I've been back almost a year now and our routine feels normal and works really well!
I have been coming off Sertraline for about five months now. On the months I've found it harder to adjust I have just spent longer on that dose before reducing any further. I know I would have stayed on that dose or gone back up again but there is no rush for this. Like Monica I was on them for almost two years before I started reducing down. I only came off them because I felt I didn't need them anymore otherwise I would have stayed on them. It doesn't matter if you are on them three or four years, if they help just stay on them until you feel ready!
Who is it who provides you with the sessions? Is it a specialist perinatal team? I have heard of the therapy you are receiving. It is called Video Interactive Guidance and is very popular at treating bonding issues however arguably, whilst I am no expert, you would be better off receiving help with your thought processes and this in term I think would help your mood. I am no medical expert so cant be sure but it could be worth having the conversation. Whereabouts are you from if you don't mind me asking? I can try and find out what set up your area as with regards to a perinatal team (I am quite closely linked to ours so have a few contacts) and then I may be able to help you push for something that is right for you.
I am a conveyancing solicitor and ours is currently on the market. I really cant cope with the stress and I do it every day so that is totally normal! Feel free to offload here to someone who knows it inside out!
Stick with it. You will get there! xx
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Post by emily1985 on Apr 1, 2018 20:12:23 GMT
Apologies for not writing for a while, ladies. Life has been so busy, recently. We’ve sold our house and had an offer accepted on another, so we’re waiting for solicitors to get moving. I go back to work in a fortnight so I’m busy trying to prepare - mentally as much as anything - for that.
We’ve got a few nursery settling in sessions over the next couple of weeks so I’m looking forward to being able to help S get comfortable and work out how things will be. It’s a frightening thought but I’ve just got to get on with it.
Whilst I would say any depression I had has subsided, my anxiety is very much there. It lurks behind every thought. It’s like it’s just waiting behind a wall and whenever I think that things are getting easier and I’m even starting to enjoy something, I almost talk myself out of it, and imagine all the ways that that situation could fall apart. I’m constantly imagining the worst case scenario and when I’ve imagined that, it consumes me. It’s exhausting trying to function sometimes when I’ve got it all going on in my head. S is now 5 and a half months old and there’s have been moments where I’ve enjoyed being a mum, but I worry all the time about things that haven’t happened yet and I just don’t know how to stop.
I don’t know how other people avoid these worries. When I meet other mums at a baby group they all seem to just be getting on with things, whereas I struggle. They turn up and laugh ‘ho ho we got a solid 4 hours’ sleep last night! Who’d have a baby eh?!’ and seem to think it’s a great joke, whereas I’ve likely spent every single night of S’s life panicking that he isn’t going to sleep. Logically I know it won’t kill me - it’ll just make me a bit tired for a while - but I feel a rising sense of dread about it that I just can’t explain.
The counselling I’m having I just don’t find helpful, because I don’t really think I need to develop a bond with S. I think the way I feel isn’t really down to our relationship. I’ve tried to tell the counsellor this, but haven’t really got very far. She seems to think it’s useful for me because she says it’s good for me to have some space and time for myself. I disagree, but am worried that if I stop going there’ll be a red flag raised and I’ll become a child protection concern in the system or something.
There’s no winning! X
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