frogface
Private Board (R) Member
Posts: 938
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Post by frogface on Apr 2, 2018 21:41:57 GMT
If your counsellor isn't listening to you can you find a different one? It sounds like things are much better for you - moving house is super stressful apart from anything else. As for the carefree mums, you just don't know how hard they sob when they get home. I found anxiety remained after my depression lifted. Be sure to keep your Gp informed of anxiety and sleep as it's possible your medication can be adapted. Always remember to be kind to yourself and see how far you've come. You're a great woman and mother.
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Post by monica on Apr 3, 2018 8:03:16 GMT
Hi
Can't add much to FF's brilliant reply ! Talk to counsellor - you're not being instructive just objective. Bonding isn't a problem the anxiety is so change of approach is needed as they're completely two different issues which need a different approach. You are perfectly within your rights to say that.
You're doing a fantastic job . House move is hugely stressful not to mention going back to work. Anxiety like any type of negative thought pattern very quickly becomes ingrained in our thought patterns so they become an automatic response. Try techniques to deescalate the anxiety - so I find deep breathing through stomach, distraction techniques and exercise hugely help. I also suspect that going back to work though stressful initially , will be the best distraction so hopefully that will help volumes x
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Post by leanneh on Apr 4, 2018 13:24:57 GMT
Hi Emily,
I have to agree with Monica and FF and if you can't see the counsellor helping I would push for something else. Who actually referred you to the counsellor? Is it through the NHS? Is it a specialist Perinatal team? Do you have a specialist Perinatal team? I'm just thinking the cut off for them is usually 6 months so if you can get into one they need to sort this for you sooner rather than later!
Please don't worry about the other mums - I was one of those mums who laughed and joked and put on a mask around my friends and baby groups but inside I was falling apart! NCT have an interesting campaign around this at the moment called the hidden half. This is the idea that every mum has a 'hidden half' which is struggling and which they don't let on to others. Maybe google it and have a read and it may help you see that these other mums aren't being entirely honest!xx
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Post by monica on Apr 26, 2018 15:59:08 GMT
Hey Emily
Just wondering how you were doing? No pressure in replying!
Monica
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Post by emily1985 on Apr 28, 2018 8:47:14 GMT
Hi all. Thank you for asking after me!
I’ve been back at work for a couple of weeks now and although I’m exhausted it does feel good to be back in many ways. I slotted back in easily enough and it’s like I never left to be honest! It’s nice to get back into a routine and now I’m doing it I’m not worrying about it if that makes sense.
I’ve found it very difficult leaving S at nursery and with my dad though. I’ve had an immense sense of guilt but I’m told that this is normal. He seems happy enough so I guess it isn’t doing him any harm, but I feel like we had a baby and now I’m just palming him off on everyone. I’m due to go on a hen do next weekend and the thought makes me feel a bit sick! I can’t contamplate being away from him for a while long weekend. I suppose, though, that these feelings mean we now have a much stronger bond than we did at first.
We’re still attending the therapy sessions but I think I’ll knock them on the head before too long. I don’t really feel that I’m getting much out of them, and I know I feel so much better than I did a few months ago. There’s still hard days, but they’re now few and far between.x
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Post by monica on May 3, 2018 7:42:59 GMT
Hey
Great to hear from you and that you're doing so well! (Yes you are!) everything you've described is quite normal for mums. The feelings of guilt apprehension etc. I remember having a night out with my then partner when our son was about 5 months old - it was so stressful!
I have no doubt work if pitched correctly will accelerate your recovery - the distraction of it all, and just being you with adult interaction will boost you and your self confidence ! Enjoy the hen do! Your son will be fine and you can always Skype/ face time x
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Post by leanneh on May 15, 2018 10:34:58 GMT
Hi Emily,
So pleased to hear that work is going well for you. I've been back a year now just last week and I feel like I've never been away!
What is it about the counselling that's not working for you? Do you feel like you could do with something different or do you feel like you don't really need the extra support? Great news if you don't feel like you need it anymore but just wanted to remind you not to be afraid to push for he right kind of help if you feel it would be useful! You deserve it! X
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Post by leanneh on May 15, 2018 10:37:05 GMT
How was the hen do by the way? I've had two in the last month and cried the last time I left him! Don't worry it's totally normal. My friend was the same on this last one and her eldest is four this year! It's all part of being a mum I guess! I found it easier after I had done the first one and once I was there things did get easier! X
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Post by monica on Jun 11, 2018 9:27:07 GMT
Hi
How are you doing Emily? Hope everything is going well !
Monica
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Post by emily1985 on Jun 18, 2018 7:58:51 GMT
Hi ladies. Sorry for the silence of late - it’s been so very manic recently. We’re going through the process of selling our house and buying a new one, and I’ve got a promotion at work which is great but does mean I’m being pulled in even more directions.
We’re still going to the therapy sessions and my husband comes too, but he doesn’t really have much input into them to be honest.
I have good and bad days. Some days I’m so happy to have my baby and I actually enjoy being a mum - something I never thought I’d say a few months ago. But some days are still really challenging. My anxiety on some days can be nearly as bad as it ever was. My latest worry is that my son doesn’t love me as much as his dad. He seems to always reach for my husband over me and cries unless he is with his dad. It makes me feel very incapable and quite bitter since I spent the first 6 months of his life caring for him whilst my husband was at work. Maybe I did some damage to our bond during the first few weeks of his life because I was such a mess?
I’m still on meds - 100mg Sertraline currently, which I dropped myself from 150mg. I don’t want to be on it forever and feel like I’m overall more balanced, but nor do I want to stop taking it completely. It’s become a bit of a safety blanket I think.
Thank you for being supportive - hope you guys are all ok x
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Post by leanneh on Jun 23, 2018 21:19:59 GMT
Hi Emily,
Lovely to hear from you! Glad work is going well and congratulations on the promotion!!
I used to worry all the time that certain things meant my son loved his dad more than me. Also I still do now sometimes. I think we all have a little bit of that in us!! Try to remind yourself that actually it's ok to feel like that sometimes and have these thoughts. Maybe try some CBT on them to try and turn the thought around - i.e. The thought is he loves his dad more than me so put down all of your reasons why you believe that to be true. Then on the other side of the paper think of all the reasons why deep down you know it not to be true. Then every time you have the thought read it and it will help ease the thoughts!xx
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Post by monica on Jun 24, 2018 16:25:05 GMT
Great to hear from you Emily! Life sounds pretty good even if st times a bit overwhelming.
Congrats on your promotion - that's brilliant! Hope it's boosted you too!
It does sound as if there's less anxiety even if the tough days feel challenging. You are really managing so well, bringing up your baby fantastically. Moving house and new role are both hugely stressful events and anyone would find it like that.
Do you think the counselling is helping? Is the same as before? I know you didn't feel you were getting much from it then as it was to do with bonding and that was going well.
Don't worry about your baby seeming to favour dad. They all go through phases and I'm sure the parent who s around less makes them very exciting but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you equally x
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Post by emily1985 on Aug 13, 2018 19:02:01 GMT
Apologies for the silence of late ladies - you were all so helpful and supportive during some of my darkest times.
Generally, things are great in terms of my relationship with S now. I’ve got one more counselling/therapy session and that’s as a ‘goodbye’ or ‘reflection’ and then I’m being ‘signed off’ as it were. I’m very much enjoying the summer holidays with him and it’s great having my husband off (for the most part haha) too. The house sale is proving to be the most stressful thing of all at the moment but I’m fairly sure it’s normal to feel anxious about that, especially as we’re living out of boxes! This is after being told an exchange date was being arranged two weeks ago and now more documents are being asked for. Nothing is ever easy!!
I weaned myself off the Sertraline about 2/3 weeks ago. I know it isn’t advisable to do it yourself but I’ve done it before with the GP’s help so thought I’d probably be ok. I have been getting pins and needles and weird dizzy spells which I’m fairly certain are because of withdrawal? I’ve looked online and think they’re called ‘brain zaps’ by some people. I’m hoping these symptoms disappear before long as they are pretty crap. I’ve also had a VERY short temper but that could be a combination of everything.
Hope you’re all well too and thank you for doing the amazing job you all continue to do supporting us all xx
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Post by monica on Aug 15, 2018 10:20:11 GMT
Hi Emily
Great to hear from you and it’s just wonderful to hear that you’re doing amazingly well. The brain zaps sound unpleasant - could you ask dr or pharmacist about them? I know of people who’ve had this symptom so it’s highly probable it’s coming off meds that’s caused this. Isss advised to take vitB/evening primrose supplements when coming off meds as this can help to counteract side effects . Might be worth a go?
Good luck with house move - it’s one of the top stress sources so no wonder you’re feeling frazzled! It will happen I’m sure!
So pleased you’re loving life with S. You’ve come so far and are now a brilliant (which you always were!) and confident mum! So so happy! This gives so much hope to other mums who are arecstruggling out there and are in a place they can’t imagine enjoying motherhood .
Enjoy the rest of the summer and feel free to visit the site whenever you want to x
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Post by leanneh on Aug 20, 2018 22:10:57 GMT
Hi Emily,
It's so so lovely to hear from you and I'm so glad you're doing so well!! I had side effects coming off the Sertraline too and I couldn't have come off more slowly if I had tried!! Maybe slow down how quickly you are coming off them - I even noticed a difference when dropping to 50mg every other day from every day!! How have you come off them? I did 50mg every month and I still suffered!
You are proof to every woman out there struggling that there is light at the end of the tunnel - you should be really proud of how far you have come!!
Moving house is incredibly stressful! I am a Solicitor and I deal with conveyancing sometimes and yet I still can't cope with the stress of my house which we are currently selling!!! Xx
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