Post by emily1985 on Nov 8, 2017 17:43:54 GMT
Hi all, I’m not entirely sure how to put into words how I’m feeling.
My baby is nearly 3 weeks old (I know I haven’t given my hormones much time to settle). At first, I put it down to the ‘baby blues’. But I know it’s more than that.
I’ve suffered with anxiety and depression in the past and have been medicated for it, but throughout my pregnancy I felt fine. However, I wake up every day now with a sense of dread in the pit of my stomach. I panic every time baby is awake: because I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to look after him. I feel completely and utterly incapable and useless, which in turn makes me feel incredibly guilty because my husband just seems to be able to do everything with ease (which isn’t fair on him because I’m expecting him to do it all). My husband went back to work today after paternity leave and I’ve spent most of the day either in tears or wanting to cry.
The midwife came out to visit me today and has arranged to visit again tomorrow. I know it’s supposed to be a supportive measure but it just serves to make me feel even more useless, like they’re checking up on me.
I’m absolutely terrified that my baby will start crying and not stop (I know he will eventually, but I mean for an extended period of time). I feel anxious to my very core every time he even so much as murmurs. I’m terrified beyond all measure that he will develop colic and that I will descend into an even deeper pit than the one I am already in. I’m terrified too that he will be awake all night, that neither my husband nor I will get any sleep, and that we’ll both have to exist in a state of constant exhaustion. I’m so very guilty that my husband is having to care for me as well as a newborn, in addition to having to work full time.
Everyone tells me that this is supposed to be a joyful time, but all I can do is resent the fact that my old life is gone and that the new reality I’m faced with makes me feel so bloody awful.
I know I’ve ranted here but it’s so difficult to put everything into words. I just need to know that it gets better, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
My baby is nearly 3 weeks old (I know I haven’t given my hormones much time to settle). At first, I put it down to the ‘baby blues’. But I know it’s more than that.
I’ve suffered with anxiety and depression in the past and have been medicated for it, but throughout my pregnancy I felt fine. However, I wake up every day now with a sense of dread in the pit of my stomach. I panic every time baby is awake: because I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to look after him. I feel completely and utterly incapable and useless, which in turn makes me feel incredibly guilty because my husband just seems to be able to do everything with ease (which isn’t fair on him because I’m expecting him to do it all). My husband went back to work today after paternity leave and I’ve spent most of the day either in tears or wanting to cry.
The midwife came out to visit me today and has arranged to visit again tomorrow. I know it’s supposed to be a supportive measure but it just serves to make me feel even more useless, like they’re checking up on me.
I’m absolutely terrified that my baby will start crying and not stop (I know he will eventually, but I mean for an extended period of time). I feel anxious to my very core every time he even so much as murmurs. I’m terrified beyond all measure that he will develop colic and that I will descend into an even deeper pit than the one I am already in. I’m terrified too that he will be awake all night, that neither my husband nor I will get any sleep, and that we’ll both have to exist in a state of constant exhaustion. I’m so very guilty that my husband is having to care for me as well as a newborn, in addition to having to work full time.
Everyone tells me that this is supposed to be a joyful time, but all I can do is resent the fact that my old life is gone and that the new reality I’m faced with makes me feel so bloody awful.
I know I’ve ranted here but it’s so difficult to put everything into words. I just need to know that it gets better, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.