hc
New Member
Posts: 17
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Post by hc on Jan 13, 2018 19:41:17 GMT
Hi,
I have a 8 month old daughter, who I love so much
I have thoughts, some days constant, that someone is going to take her and hurt her. Today was quite a good day until bath time where I starting thinking my oh was going to hurt her.
It normally helps me to tell him what is upsetting me but I can’t tell him this one.
I feel like my head is going to explode.
I don’t feel depressed and go out daily
What can I do!!!
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Post by monica on Jan 13, 2018 21:27:50 GMT
Welcome JC
I'm sorry you're struggling with these intrusive thoughts and can see why they are so distressing . We call what is commonly known as postnatal depression as post natal illness as the range of symptoms is quite large and not confined to depression.
The type of thoughts you are dealing with are common so you're not alone. Someone explained them to me as the mothering instinct going into overdrive and that seemed to make since to me. After all our babies are so precious and so vulnerable that with this illness we seem harm coming to them even from the unlikeliest sources. I remember not trusting the childminder I'd used for years - there was no reason whatsoever for this but I even considered giving up my job just so I could watch over my kids and protect them. Irrational thoughts can and do take over your life which can be distressing and draining.
It's great you're able to talk to your husband and share your fears - that really is positive. Have you been to see your dr? I'd really advise it. They can offer you talking therapies (cognitive behavioural therapy is really effective at combatting these thoughts. Medication (antidepresdants) can be really good too.
You Will reciver from there thoughts . Keep talking x
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Post by leanneh on Jan 14, 2018 0:05:57 GMT
Hi JC,
Monica's right - you don't necessarily need to suffer the depression symptoms although it's a common misconception.
It could be worth looking into CBT - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. the mental health team did this with me and I found it really helpful to help me manage my thoughts. It's basically the concept of picking single thoughts and listing the reasons why you believe them to be true. You then challenge those thoughts on paper. I used to then re read these every time I was struggling with a thought. Definitely worth looking into. It could be worth going to see your gp and see if they can refer you to some form of talking therapy or CBT based therapy.
I know it must be really hard to talk to your partner about these thoughts involving him but it sounds like he's been a real pillar of strength until now so I would really try. You can explain to him and maybe show him your post on here so he understands it's the illness and not anything against him. I didn't feel able to confide in my husband or anyone in fact for a long time and it's an incredibly lonely place to be. Once I could talk to him it really helped. Keep talking to us on here as well to get you through it. Xx
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hc
New Member
Posts: 17
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Post by hc on Jan 14, 2018 8:42:58 GMT
Thanks for the responses
I went to my doctor back in September when I was having trouble getting to sleep and she just gave me antidepressants which I haven’t taken and told me to come back in s month. This makes me a little reluctant to go back to her
I am moving closer to family in a month time which I know will help. I am considering taking the anti depressants as want to be on the road to recovery in my new home.
I have found a support group to go to when I move
I just feel so drained trying to fight the thoughts off. I also wake nearly hourly at night, albeit briefly, but am desperate to sleep longer on the occasions my baby lets me
My pregnancy was IVF and I thought for years I wouldn’t have children so I am so lucky to have my little girl. I just want to enjoy every moment and get these thoughts to disappear
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hc
New Member
Posts: 17
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Post by hc on Jan 14, 2018 8:45:16 GMT
How long would it take for the anti depressants to start helping?
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Post by leanneh on Jan 14, 2018 10:41:48 GMT
Mine started to have a noticeable effect on my mood within a week or so although I think they say it can be two-three weeks before you notice a difference. The first type they gave me didn't make much of a difference so they changed the type and that worked much better. Maybe go and see a different gp at the practice and see if you can get one who is a bit more supportive. My gp has been amazing and that really helped. Maybe see if any of them specialise in obstetrics as that may make a difference to the support they give. Also call your health visitor and have a chat to her - they will come out and see you for listening visits where they just talk to you about how you are feeling and how it's changed since they last saw you - they are there to help and I was really grateful for the extra support.
It could be worth speaking to your gp about talking therapies as they will then explore with you where the feelings have come from and whether they're linked to the ivf as well as then giving you tips on changing your thought process.
Sleep is really important and can hugely affect your mood. My GP prescribed me an anti-psychotic which would apparently relax me and help me sleep but it made me feel really unwell so I didn't continue it. She did however give me some Sleeping tablets which she told me to just take every couple of days to kick my body back into a routine. I know a lot of people are recommending the sleepy balm from Lush so maybe give some products like that a try. I always used the Champneys sleep pillow mist and temple balm which helped a bit.
You are making a lot of proactive steps to help yourself and finding the support group is going to be a great support for you. I agree being near family will be really helpful for that support. You will fight this and get through it.x
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hc
New Member
Posts: 17
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Post by hc on Jan 14, 2018 14:52:12 GMT
Thanks for your message Leanne
If I don’t feel down would anti depressants still be beneficial?
I did some exercise today which has helped. I am determined to get through this and soon!
I just ordered the lush sleepy!
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Post by leanneh on Jan 14, 2018 23:13:40 GMT
Hi JC,
I'm not a medical professional so can't be sure but my understanding is that they would reduce your anxiety which in turn would help reduce the constant worrying you are experiencing and also help rationalise the thoughts when they do come. Try and get an appointment at the gp in the morning and have a chat To them about it. There's such a wide range out there so it's just about finding th one which helps you best - do you know if there is a gp who specialises in obstetrics at your surgery? The website should tell you - I know mine did. If you can get in ask about talking therapies too and in particular CBT.
I love your attitude - you will beat this definitely! I did and you will too. You will be so much stronger for it too!xx
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Post by monica on Jan 15, 2018 11:48:00 GMT
How are you?
I found that antids really helped all my symptoms - in fact I don't think i've ever been as chilled out as I was when on taking them. I've always been prone to a bit of ocd about illnesses and found that that did lift.
It's great that the exercise helped you> What did you do? I made exercise a regular part of my routine. When I was recovering I had a fantastic couple of months after the antids kicked in then I had an argument with some builders, something that ordinarily would have upset/angered me for a day or so. But on that occasion with pni it plunged me into horrendous month long depression. I remeber walking into a step class really depressed and came out feeling normal!That was the power of exercise!
You mentioned lush sleepy - I suffer from intermittent insomnia. A friend bought me it and it's amazing! Really makes a difference!
x
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hc
New Member
Posts: 17
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Post by hc on Jan 15, 2018 19:22:03 GMT
Today was a much better day. I took an anti d last night and said stop everytime a thought came into my head. It’s days like today which make me think I don’t need meds but am going to carry on with them and get rid of this illness once and for all
Yesterday, I went for a run. Today I did s little bit of exercise at home. It defo helps.
I still have a few thoughts whizzing round but have managed to stop them escalating for most of the day.
Thanks for all your support so far. I think part of what has helped is viewing it as an illness and not questionning whether it is depression. I can accept its and illness but struggled to see it as depression as didn’t feel down and still got up and did lots
This is the start of my recovery, I look forward to sharing my success and seeking your support on my way there
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Post by monica on Jan 15, 2018 20:22:53 GMT
Fab fab fab! Just so wonderful to hear your positivity! Yes you will beat this shitty illness! And we're here all the way! X
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Post by leanneh on Jan 16, 2018 1:07:11 GMT
Yey so pleased to hear this JC. It is an illness and you will beat it - we are living proof! Monica will tell you how unwell I was last year! Definitely keep taking the medication. I think they recommend 6 months before weaning off and I ended up taking it slower than initially I thought I would. It's not doing you any harm so even if you are on it and you're not sure how much it's helping it can't hurt to keep on until you discuss weaning off with your gp. Also don't suddenly stop them as it can make you really unwell! I noticed it even when dropping slowly x
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hc
New Member
Posts: 17
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Post by hc on Jan 16, 2018 7:23:51 GMT
I had such a bad night sleep. I am used to waking up but normally turn over and go back to sleep but last night I was awake for much longer each time and felt ill. Could that be a side effect of the med?
I find it so annoying when my baby sleeps better than me
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Post by monica on Jan 16, 2018 9:09:34 GMT
Hi
Bad nights sleep - ugh! Horrible - hard to function and feel positive in any shape or form.
I can't say whether this is due to antids or not - I would think that it's unlikely as its only day 2 of meds for you (I think) but I guess everyone reacts differently. Which ones are you taking? You can feel worse before you feel better. It was about 2-3 weeks for me before things started to lift and I did feel worse during that initial period.
Try and rest during the day if you can - yes v frustrating when baby sleeps significantly better that you ! X
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Post by leanneh on Jan 16, 2018 10:41:32 GMT
The lack of sleep is the worst! I'm not sure if it's linked to the meds but I really struggled with my sleep and felt equally as unwell coming off them. I was advised to get up if I couldn't sleep and go and read for 20 mins and then go back to bed and try again - the worst thing you can do is to just lie there and keep trying. Also find some meditation videos maybe on you tube - I find the headspace app really helpful! Just something to help you switch off as your mind is probably working ten to the dozen with all of your thoughts. Try and nap today when baby sleeps and try he above to see what works for you!!xxx
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