Post by motherofboys on Mar 23, 2018 20:54:51 GMT
Hi,
I’ve never honestly spoke about these thoughts before coz if I did my oh would leave me, people would think I was a terrible mother or report me to ss.
I have 2 yr old twins and a 1 yr old! I’ve never had any form of mental illness before the kids. After my third was born I struggled with angry outbursts and felt like I was cracking up. I felt like I wanted to hurt my twins at time a.. I never acted out on it but the feelings of anger and rage were olverwhelming me. The dr said pnd I said no way. I brushed it off as something every mum goes through! I muddled through for another 4 months or so and felt awful so decided to bk to go.. I got AD and that was that!
I now have good days and bad days but the bad days are awful when they come! I shout at them like a maniac... I get so mad I can feel my grip tighten when I pick them up to put them on time out! One of my twins, I feel so bad for thinking like this.. well sometimes I can’t syand him, I have always felt this way towards him.. intolerant of him. I feel like there isn’t the same bond there as there is with his brothers. He annoys me daily and has his Whineyscreech that makes my tense up! I feel so bad admitting this but I honestly want to slap his face sometimes!
Today’s been a terrible day and he’s just been a little shithead. I broke down in tears earlier coz I smacked my other twin and my oh came in I was having all sorts of thoughts! I know by screaming at them and smacking them I’m just teaching them awful things and damaging them.. hence why cried for about 3 hrs tonight! On reflection of today I feel devastate tahtbthey got me as their mum and just think they deserve someone much better and kinder! I can’t seem to get it out my head that I’ve ootwntially damaged them for the rest of their lives! I hate myself for the person I’ve become!
I’ve never honestly spoke about these thoughts before coz if I did my oh would leave me, people would think I was a terrible mother or report me to ss.
I have 2 yr old twins and a 1 yr old! I’ve never had any form of mental illness before the kids. After my third was born I struggled with angry outbursts and felt like I was cracking up. I felt like I wanted to hurt my twins at time a.. I never acted out on it but the feelings of anger and rage were olverwhelming me. The dr said pnd I said no way. I brushed it off as something every mum goes through! I muddled through for another 4 months or so and felt awful so decided to bk to go.. I got AD and that was that!
I now have good days and bad days but the bad days are awful when they come! I shout at them like a maniac... I get so mad I can feel my grip tighten when I pick them up to put them on time out! One of my twins, I feel so bad for thinking like this.. well sometimes I can’t syand him, I have always felt this way towards him.. intolerant of him. I feel like there isn’t the same bond there as there is with his brothers. He annoys me daily and has his Whineyscreech that makes my tense up! I feel so bad admitting this but I honestly want to slap his face sometimes!
Today’s been a terrible day and he’s just been a little shithead. I broke down in tears earlier coz I smacked my other twin and my oh came in I was having all sorts of thoughts! I know by screaming at them and smacking them I’m just teaching them awful things and damaging them.. hence why cried for about 3 hrs tonight! On reflection of today I feel devastate tahtbthey got me as their mum and just think they deserve someone much better and kinder! I can’t seem to get it out my head that I’ve ootwntially damaged them for the rest of their lives! I hate myself for the person I’ve become!