Help 😰

[ellie89]

Hello ,

I’m wondering if this sounds like PNI. I have always suffered in my adult life from mild anxiety but I feel now it’s extreme and been taking 5HTP for two weeks with slight improvement.

I had my first son and was very traumatic , 3 day labour and nearly died. I was in an very physically abusive relationship and my ex strangled me until I was unconscious. I fled with my first son and went to refuge.

I left refuge and slowly rebuilt my life. I met my partner who is so loving and caring and within a few years fell pregnant. I was so happy. We’d bought a house and my son loves my partner.

My trouble started when the courts gave my partner contact unsupervised and was told if anything happened to me my ex would get custody. That’s when panic started for my own health. I keep thinking if I can just live until he’s 18 so he wouldn’t have to go live with someone violent and abusive. It sounds mad but we have learnt to cope with his contact alternate weekends. Everytime I see my ex my anxiety is through the roof.

When I had my second son I gave birth in six minutes and still am thinking something must be wrong here to give birth so fast. I felt so happy but plagued with the doom something may happen to me. I called the midwife out as thought I was dying and got myself into hysterics. I got the midwife out twice and then went to to doctor as I thought I had cardiac problems.

Since then I’ve been convinced I have a brain tumour , MS , DVT , stroke , mini stroke ,undiagnosed heart condition , heart attack , childbed fever, postpartum pre eclampsia , anemia , low b12 , Addison’s crisis , bowel cancer, angina , bone cancer , arthritis , osteoporosis to name a few in ten weeks time !

I’ve got tingling in my face now and numbness and I ache all over . I get palpitations and my stomach hurts a lot. I have blurry vision and loads of floaters. I also have a sore throat. Are these anxiety signs ?!? I know this isn’t normal and I love both my babies so much I am just obsessed with becoming poorly and leaving them so much.

[monica]

Welcome!

Your story regarding your past with abusive ex partner is so sad but I'm so pleased you've come out the other end happier and have found someone caring who treats you well.

It's no wonder that your anxiety has gone through the roof at a time when you're so vulnerable having a baby. This type of reaction is common and happened to me after my second child was born. Hormones, previous health anxiety and various things going on in my life created the perfect storm. You have very real and valid reasons to worry about your son's welfare but with Pni women find that the anxiety and associated physical symptoms .

You mentioned 5htp. What does your GP say about managing symptoms?woukd you consider talking therapy?

Monica

[ellie89]

Hello ,

Thankyou for your empathy ! The more I think about things the more severe my symptoms are and how I convince myself I have a brain tumour or cardiac problem ! I know it’s not normal and can challenge what I am thinking I just can’t help my thoughts runnnimg away with me.

I work as a bereavement counsellor and would welcome any talking therapy but I am currently too unwell mentally to practice at the minute as well as being on leave.

I have been reading the chimp paradox book and a self help anxiety book. I’ve been on citralapram before but it didn’t really help. The 5HTP is just as effective. Beta blockers would make my anxiety worse I think over the cardiac worries.

Thankyou for your reply and reassuring me that the physical symptoms are my mind running away with me. I know it’s anxiety but it’s like there’s a little person inside telling me I’m wrong all the time and that I’m ill . I’m 29 now and have a newborn and a 4 year old so I should be loving life but I can’t from constant worry . Thankyou 😰😰😰

[monica]

You're most welcome. I suffered from awful and debilitating physical symptoms like headaches, numb and tingling patches, feeling foggy headed, pressure behind my eyes, exhaustion , problems with eyes. My health anxiety spiralled out of control and I too convinced myself I had some awful illness as couldn't understand how Pni /anxiety could make me feel so ill and like you I had this little voice telling me I felt so ill.

Do keep talking to us - we really do understand. Life with 2 little ones is incredibly hard physically at the best of times x

[ellie89]

Thank

[ellie89]

Thankyou so much. Reading your comment this is exactly me ! I just found myself googling motor neurone disease and stopped myself. It is hard and I’ve made an appointment at my GP for next week. The physical symptoms are one of the hardest things. Thankyou for listening to me and relating. Having someone say they have had practically the same thing is such an relief x

[monica]

Hi

I completely understand you. I found this site about 6 months after I fell ill and it was the first time I found other women who had suffered with the same symptoms.,

It's always recommended that all physical symptoms are ruled out. Problems such as thyroid issues as an example can lead to strange symptoms too.

Good luck with GP - maybe write down symptoms so you don't forget? It can be quite stressful telling GP x

[ellie89]

I have suffered from anemia so I have thought this or low b12. Seriously worried it is lupus or MS though 😰 convinced myself that normal blood tests in pregnancy may rule out anything sinister but then I’m not sure

[monica]

Whilst it's necessary to getvthevogysucsl symptoms checked out it's unlikely to be anything sinister. Why don't you try a different approach - try to manage the anxiety? So try relaxation techniques, make time for you even if it's to have a bath but just by doing something so simple you'll boost your confidence, self worth . Try a hit of exercise. So take brisk walk - maybe time it and watch your times improve / just little challenges like that. The less time you focus on the negative stuff and the more on positives will only positively impact on your wellbeing X

[leanneh]

Hi Ellie,

How are you doing? How did your visit to the GP go? Some areas will have a dedicated perinatal mental earth team who will be able to help you by providing talking therapies specifically tailored for mums in the postnatal period.

I didn't experience physical symptoms myself but can relate to the feelings of anxiety. They are really dreadful but you will get through it I promise. X