Stuck in a downward spiral :(

[vicky4567]

I had my little girl 3 months ago and I felt fine and all of the sudden I’ve been hit with depression this week and I’m struggling. I’ve had depression in the past but it was a very long time ago. I’m a single mum but I’m also dyspraxic.

My pregnancy was fine apart from gestational diabetes so I had to be induced 2 weeks early. During the birth I couldn’t get past 3cm so I had to go for an emergency c-section as I couldn’t breathe at all through the contractions. I didn’t want one at all as I’ve had surgery before and I know how hard operations are. It still upsets me now that I wasn’t the first to hold my baby; my mum was. Also there was a horrible nurse on the ward that made me feel like I was the worlds worst mum. At the time the norovirus and flu was going about so there was restrictions on visitors which I understood but I kept telling them my mum was my birthing partner and no one would still let her in apart from the 1 hour visiting time after the birth and I just couldn’t stop crying I felt so alone.

I don’t really see anyone apart from my mum and dad and occasionally my sister when she’s not at work. I have no friends that I can go and see. I have thought about groups to go to but because of my dyspraxia I go into panic mode and just want to have a little melt down. It would just be nice to talk to someone other than my mum and dad

Sorry for the long babble I just don’t know what to do I don’t want to be down because then I’m not 100% for my daughter :’(

[monica]

Welcome!

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. I'm sorry you've been knocked for six this week. It really is positive you've recognised you're not feeling well. As you've been feeling like this for a week it might be hormones or just a dip? What do you think? It sounds as if your baby's start in life was difficult due to the emetgency c section and you felt quite abandoned. These things are commonly triggers for Pni, so it's always best to nip these negative feelings in the bud. Do consider a trip to your Drs. They can help with talking therapies , support groups and medication can be an option.

Your family sound wonderful and it's great to hear they are supporting you. You sound quite isolated though and maybe not quite confident enough to try groups. There is a fantastic group called Homestart volunteer visits you but you decide what kind of support you'd like. So maybe getting out with a volunteer or together going to a baby group might be an option? Could you consider this? - I used this service and the lady was just wonderful and so supportive. Making friends with other mums will be so helpful . Also maybe your parents or sister could accompany you?

www.home-start.org.uk

Can I ask how the dyspraxia affects you ? You sound like an intelligent articulate and a fantastic mum. For many these types of groups are scary but often mums will feel just like you and are really nice.

So pleased you've found us! Do keep talking x

[leanneh]

Hi Vicky,

Your story sounds really similar to mine! I had a birth experience which, although not terribly traumatic on paper, really affected me and I'm sure it was the cause of my PND. My son was born by forceps and like you I didn't get to hold him and had no skin to skin. Whereabouts are you based if you don't mind me asking? The local perinatal team arranged for me to have some birth trauma treatment and you can also do something called birth listening with your local maternity department where you meet wou a midwife to debrief on the birth. I found this really useful for processing all that had happened.

As Monica said it's great that you have realised there is a problem. Have you spoken to your health visitor about it? They usually offer listening visits where they come and be a friendly ear whilst you talk about your concerns and they can then help to point you in the right direction and also assist with attending groups at your local children's centre. Mine was great and used to meet me at the door which helped me make the first step to get there.x