Am I too impatient?

[Cmum2020]

Hi,
This is my first time here and I'm hoping for some reassurance. I have a 16 week old and a 3 year old and I am struggling to move past how awful childbirth was. With my first it was a feeling of being out of control and a long long labour. She also needed some help when she was born due to meconium but nothing serious. I went through my notes when she was 9 months with a midwife which helped a bit. My baby boy however had a traumatic birth with shoulder dystocia after a quite long labour and the cord around his neck twice. His apgar score was zero when he was born and he needed resuscitation and spent 2 days in nicu. I didn't get to even touch him for 12 hours. He is fine now thank goodness.

So now I am regularly remembering things from their births and it makes me sad and scared each time. Then I feel silly as it's all turned out fine. I also feel really disgusted by some of the processes of labour which feels really stupid.

I wouldn't say this is having much impact on my day to day but it's also not going away. Am I just too impatient? Will it likely pass in time?
Thank you for reading what turned out really long!

[monica]

Welcome Cmum2020

Congratulations on the birth of your baby. I'm sorry you're struggling at the moment with these flashbacks of what sounds like a very traumatic experience for you. It doesn't get much more frightening than your baby having to be resuscitated and it's no real wonder this has impacted on you now.

Have you spoken to anybody else about this? Perhaps friend, partner? Also Dr or health visitor? I would advise you to contact your GP and or health visitor as I have no doubt you'll be able to come to terms with the experience without it haunting you in the way it is now. From what you've said it's lingering a while and not going away. You're not being impatient at all at having to relive this really difficult experience. It's not pleasant and you don't have to struggle with it.

You mentioned that going over your notes with the midwife really helped after the birth of your first child - is this something you could do this time, too? Perhaps it'd be a cathartic experience for you this time? At my local hospital, they have a birth reflections section where mums can do this. I imagine you could contact the maternity ward for information. Either way, I would recommend approaching your GP/health visitor for support and advice. Often talking therapy can help hugely by helping you to come to terms with the birth. Support can help a lot too. Often just offloading can really feel like a burden has been lifted. How would you feel about this? It is positive that you're managing well day to day.

Here for you

Monica