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Post by monica on Feb 12, 2021 19:32:26 GMT
Hi
Please believe me, what you feel is very common amongst many mums. Baby’s are hard work and can make you feel quite trapped almost mourning the carefree days when your time was your own. My children are 21, 16 and 12 - I love them more than anything but I feel almost suffocated at times, then feel guilty about that.
It sounds like the little spare time you have isn’t really yours! It’s difficult atm as you can’t go anywhere. I’m really hoping the restrictions will ease off soon and we can start to go out a little, and see friends etc . I’m sure that’ll help you a lot.
Fingers crossed you see improvements with the cbt . Remember you always have the option of trying the medication x
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Post by justmommy on Feb 15, 2021 13:55:41 GMT
Hi Please believe me, what you feel is very common amongst many mums. Baby’s are hard work and can make you feel quite trapped almost mourning the carefree days when your time was your own. My children are 21, 16 and 12 - I love them more than anything but I feel almost suffocated at times, then feel guilty about that. It sounds like the little spare time you have isn’t really yours! It’s difficult atm as you can’t go anywhere. I’m really hoping the restrictions will ease off soon and we can start to go out a little, and see friends etc . I’m sure that’ll help you a lot. Fingers crossed you see improvements with the cbt . Remember you always have the option of trying the medication x Thank you Monica. As far as i understand mom’s guilt will be always with me and not being sure if i am enough as a mom to her. If i can socialize (if lockdown eases and feel little more comfortable with covid) then i can be better. I hope cbt works but not really sure. It’s tough to question myself if i was cut off to be a mom😕
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Post by monica on Feb 16, 2021 17:23:13 GMT
Hi Justmommy
How are you? I understand the guilt and inadequacy/doubts at been a good mum that you’re feeling . These are common thoughts to have. I had them too. Post natal illness is such a cruel illness - it robs you of the joy you’re expected to feel as well at confidence in being a mum.
Try to look at it a different way. Due to the anxiety, low mood you see everything in bleak colours. So this becomes the norm for you or as you perceive things to be. Certain negative thought patterns become ingrained like being down on yourself and because of that you lose confidence in your ability as a mum.
You are a brilliant mum! In spite of the fact that this whole experience has been so tough you care for your baby wonderfully - you love her, see you her every need, you pump milk which is hard wirk - you’re amazing! She sounds as if she’s thriving!
Try to focus on the day positively . Each time you think how you’re not good enough for her, instead say something positive about yourself as a mum like I’ve pumped milk for her today, I’ve massages her, I took her for a walk. Try to get into a habit of doing that even if you don’t quite believe it yourself just yet. Saying these positive things will make you feel positive and the way you view the world and most importantly yourself will change! X
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Post by justmommy on Feb 17, 2021 21:27:28 GMT
Hi Justmommy How are you? I understand the guilt and inadequacy/doubts at been a good mum that you’re feeling . These are common thoughts to have. I had them too. Post natal illness is such a cruel illness - it robs you of the joy you’re expected to feel as well at confidence in being a mum. Try to look at it a different way. Due to the anxiety, low mood you see everything in bleak colours. So this becomes the norm for you or as you perceive things to be. Certain negative thought patterns become ingrained like being down on yourself and because of that you lose confidence in your ability as a mum. You are a brilliant mum! In spite of the fact that this whole experience has been so tough you care for your baby wonderfully - you love her, see you her every need, you pump milk which is hard wirk - you’re amazing! She sounds as if she’s thriving! Try to focus on the day positively . Each time you think how you’re not good enough for her, instead say something positive about yourself as a mum like I’ve pumped milk for her today, I’ve massages her, I took her for a walk. Try to get into a habit of doing that even if you don’t quite believe it yourself just yet. Saying these positive things will make you feel positive and the way you view the world and most importantly yourself will change! X Hi Monica, Everyday is feeling harder and harder. Today was my cbt’s second session i am not sure if it is helping. 30min a session is kind of short. It was raining today and it makes worse. I have always questioning myself as a mother. Can’t imagine if i feel this anxious/bad right now how can i do it in the upcoming years/months. I will try to say positive sentences like you said, hopefully it becomes a habit. Thanks again for your support
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Post by monica on Feb 17, 2021 22:03:06 GMT
Hi
I’m sorry things are getting harder. Bleak wet and damp days don’t help mood wise either. If you feel things are getting worse please talk to gp. Maybe health visitor could support you more? Medication is an option. With due respect to your husband, he’s not a professional and doesn’t know about antidepressants. He’s not in your shoes. There are pros and cons but there comes a point when maybe it’s worth trying but do get professional advice. Maybe he could be involved in a conversation with dr.
You say you doubt yourself as a mum. Could you share with me what those doubts consist of? Maybe writing each doubt down and breaking it up might help?
What are you doing on cbt? Also I would tell the therapist how you’re feeling about it. Possibly something different might be better. It’s so personal what helps and what doesn’t .
When you’re feeling low amd in a dark place it’s hard to look into the future and see positivity, indeed how you can get better. Unfortunately it can take a bit of time to find things that work and I’m hopefull once you can start meeting people it’ll give you a natural lift x
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Post by justmommy on Feb 22, 2021 14:33:26 GMT
Hi I’m sorry things are getting harder. Bleak wet and damp days don’t help mood wise either. If you feel things are getting worse please talk to gp. Maybe health visitor could support you more? Medication is an option. With due respect to your husband, he’s not a professional and doesn’t know about antidepressants. He’s not in your shoes. There are pros and cons but there comes a point when maybe it’s worth trying but do get professional advice. Maybe he could be involved in a conversation with dr. You say you doubt yourself as a mum. Could you share with me what those doubts consist of? Maybe writing each doubt down and breaking it up might help? What are you doing on cbt? Also I would tell the therapist how you’re feeling about it. Possibly something different might be better. It’s so personal what helps and what doesn’t . When you’re feeling low amd in a dark place it’s hard to look into the future and see positivity, indeed how you can get better. Unfortunately it can take a bit of time to find things that work and I’m hopefull once you can start meeting people it’ll give you a natural lift x Hi Monica, Not sure what my health visitor can do more? Or anyone else in this matter😕 I am still considering the antidep. Even if he speaks with the doctor, pretty sure he will think the same. In cbt, the therapist did a worry tree exercise and now next one is court case. Since you told me you were translated some cbt i am guessing you know these. My baby is 16 weeks old almost when she cries, it is very loud and like something hurting-but not actially. She’s in her leap 4 i think that’s the case. Her crying makes me question me being a mom, even though i know it really not, but i feel like that. Also when i think future like her weaning, learning to speak etc it looks too much for me not sure if i can do that for her. Also it will be harder when my husband starts to go to work which i dont know when but maybe in september? And of course although i try there is no really me time. When i have it, i feel more anxious, too alert cant relax
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Post by monica on Feb 22, 2021 21:11:16 GMT
Hi
Good to hear from you. I’ve not come across the worry tree but will Google it. In the cbt I’ve heard the therapist has spoken about the link between emotions thoughts and behaviours and breaking the cycle of negative thoughts.this can be really hard so don’t worry if it takes time.
You sound quite overwhelmed and that’s why when your baby cries you feel like you’ve failed as a mum even if logically you know that all babies cry. Also the thought of weaning seems too much. Take small steps forward ...maybe if you can write down the positives for the day no matter how small so you go to bed having noticed what these are.
You mentioned a court case - do you want to talk about this?
I mentioned medication, just keep it in mind. It’s an option and might give you that boost . Hopefully things will ease a little in a month or so amd the weather will improve and you’ll start to puck up.
Monica x
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Post by justmommy on Feb 22, 2021 22:31:53 GMT
Exactly that what cbt therapist is trying to do. Break the bad thoughts . Court case technique is during thr say let’s say you have a specific thought, if you take that thought and try to argue what would be the pros and cons etc at the end the aim is not able to prove the thought as a fact i think. I am overwhelmed yes. This afternoon at one point i was trying to bottlefeed, have a later lunch soup in a mug and continues with breastpumpin still bottlefeeding with time to time loudly crying baby with leap 4. I keep a thankful journal-app for 3 weeks now. Similar your suggestion i guess. Its a small step but maybe at the end, in the future, it will help. I am afraid if i decide to take antidep and it doesnt help what happens next? I wouldnt have patience to give one more chance to another antidep. On some level i think if i can get througj this without antidep i think i will feel little powerful?🤷🏻♀️ But this is a long road, motherhood. Maybe little easing lockdown starting april etc and nice weather might help i really dont know I can sleep nights with lorazapem. Otherwise i afraid i cant sleep and makes me anxious at night Thanks for your replies always appreciate it when i read. Besides my husband and talking with friends time to time i feel kind of alone. Still greatful to have an understanding and helping husband
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Post by monica on Feb 23, 2021 20:32:22 GMT
Hi
It's great you feel supported by your husband and some friends - it's such a horrible time when you can't meet up with people. Saying that you can meet up with one person for a walk - perhaps try to do this if you can? Grab a takeaway coffee or something similar. I'm looking after my sister's dog so have been out quite a lot with the occasional friend and I feel so much better after a chat with a friend.
Wow your day yesterday sounded pretty full on - trying to have lunch, feeding baby and pumping all in a row whilst your baby cried. I'd feel frazzled too!
I am sure if you felt your mood improve your thoughts about the future wouldn't seem so scary and daunting. i hope the cbt techniques help - it can take a bit of time for them to work so don't give up. I understand now regarding the court case - I thought you had a court case coming up! Sorry! I tried that technique though knew it under a different name and I have to say I found it good but we are all different! Seeing things written down in black and white seemed to help me really see that my thoughts were irrational.
Regarding medication, the first ones I took did work - often they do, but if they don't you don't have to take something else,, but again it's an option. Perhaps next time you talk with dr tell them your fears. It's positive to ask questions and get answers.
xx
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Post by justmommy on Feb 25, 2021 14:52:17 GMT
Hi It's great you feel supported by your husband and some friends - it's such a horrible time when you can't meet up with people. Saying that you can meet up with one person for a walk - perhaps try to do this if you can? Grab a takeaway coffee or something similar. I'm looking after my sister's dog so have been out quite a lot with the occasional friend and I feel so much better after a chat with a friend. Wow your day yesterday sounded pretty full on - trying to have lunch, feeding baby and pumping all in a row whilst your baby cried. I'd feel frazzled too! I am sure if you felt your mood improve your thoughts about the future wouldn't seem so scary and daunting. i hope the cbt techniques help - it can take a bit of time for them to work so don't give up. I understand now regarding the court case - I thought you had a court case coming up! Sorry! I tried that technique though knew it under a different name and I have to say I found it good but we are all different! Seeing things written down in black and white seemed to help me really see that my thoughts were irrational. Regarding medication, the first ones I took did work - often they do, but if they don't you don't have to take something else,, but again it's an option. Perhaps next time you talk with dr tell them your fears. It's positive to ask questions and get answers. xx Hi 😏 I take out my baby everday with stroller-to make her sleep and fresh air and i get coffee and cake, i guess that’s the highlight of my day After that day, doing everything at the same almost, I decided to stop my breastmilk. Its already reduced. Next week she has third time vaccination anc she will be 4 months old. Not sure how long it will take to finish it naturally. After that i am not sure if everything will get a little better🤷🏻♀️ Maybe a little physically?then i might start the antidep. A part of me still wants to believe/wishing I could do without it but timewise i feel i don’t have much patience left and also she started to move more- i feel like i need to keep up with her energy. I guess i am bekng self critical again. I had my third cbt, i guess i will have 3 more through nhs and they plan to finish it. Anyhow, today she offered me to di worry session, everyday have a time to worry and then try not to worry rest of the time. I am not sure if i have a time for that or it might make me worse like overdose of worries. I told her this but still i will try it somehow. Yesterday i met a local pregnant lady through an app but she’s like behind me timwewise. Still it was kind of nice, a change to talk with someone new. My husband is really busy with work so i am still,maybe more challenged physically and mentally. I need more support emotionally. He is already doing his best i know but i need the support-which i could have get from my family if they were normal etc. Future scares me, soon she will start fo weaning, crawling, walking; if i am going to be able to manage it myself. I could start reading about weaning bur i dont have time or clear mind to understand it now I just wrote everything in my mind😏
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Post by monica on Feb 27, 2021 21:23:10 GMT
Hi Justmommy
I hope you’re enjoying the sunshine ! I’m loving it and feel so different when it’s bright!
It’s great you get your daily trips out amd coffee and cake sounds like a super pick me up!
Try not to be hard on yourself . If you decide to take meds it’s not some failure. On the contrary, it shows strength in making the decision to do what you feel is best for you. Amd you are very much in control of the decisions you make. Remember this is an illness often more debilitating that a physical one . If you had an infection you wouldn’t hesitate to take antibiotics if the infection wasn’t healing and it’s the same with post natal illness. There’s so much stigma surrounding mental illnesses and there shouldn’t be.
I’ve heard of that worry technique where you allow yourself time to worry. Perhaps give it a go and see how it affects you? There’s lots of techniques so worth giving several ago. I found the court case one you mentioned v good for me and my health anxiety, deep breathing and tending muscles then letting go. I remember trying visualisation to a description of a setting - there was a cottage in a wood, seaside etc. This just didn’t work for me.
I’m glad you made a friend. It’s a distraction and a positive one.
Your fears are really normal and for most mums . Once you feel better and build up confidence won’t seem so daunting x
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Post by justmommy on Mar 1, 2021 14:21:23 GMT
Hi, today again sunny which is good. My baby is going through grow sporuts/leap 4, she’s been fussy and not sleeping well she used to do. And today she had her vaccines. Probably i didn’t do properly the worry time but i didn’t like it it made me again anxious/worrying Its ok to postpone it, or decide if it is a really worry or not. But when i think , in details its not helping. I have been on therapy 2 months and cbt 3 sessions not sure if it is helping or maybe helping for me to hanging on.
I am working on reducuing>finishing natirally my milk, just started. Not sure how it will go My mother in law wanted to come because restirictions and other personal reasons she wasn’t able to come. If they eas things she was planning to come, but too many things+ her health is kind of ok but still needs some stuff to be fixed, i am afraid she won’t able to come. Feeling of loneliness becomes more and more. My hope is that my milk finishes without a problem/mastits and can start antidep. I was thinking i might wait 1-2 weeks to see how it goes, but if my milk doesn’t finish quick, then i shouldn’t be waiting much i guess. Anyhow, trying day by day. Not sure why people are against antidep. Which somehow makes me afraid of it as well. For me its not the easy way out-taking anti dep. but my kind of last resort to be good
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Post by monica on Mar 3, 2021 9:14:07 GMT
Hi
Glad you enjoyed the nice weather - spring is just round the corner!
How has baby's sleep pattern been over the last few days? Things should level out. Unfortunately, from memory things like growth spurts, teething can make babies fall out of routine.
Well done on trying the worrying technique. You gave it a go and that's positive. There are so many techniques out there - some with work and others wont so it's a simple case of trying a few and seeing if you find something that works for you.
I'm sorry to hear your mother in law isn't able to visit you at the moment - it's so hard! When I had pni, my family were over 2 hrs away so they couldn't just 'pop' over when I needed it and it just compounds those feelings of isolation. I really hope and pray that with the vaccine being administered worldwide, life over the next few months can return to some sort of normality and people can travel freely. Hang on in there!
How is you milk supply doing? I think mine dried up pretty quickly after stopping breast feeding, but everyone's different.Also with the change in hormones, some women can feel better. Again, this is such a personal effect, it's hard to predict how you may feel. Keep an eye on what's going on and how you feel.
Regarding antidepressants, please remember this is your choice what to do. I felt very similar to you prior to taking meds. I felt it was only for crazy people (what's that anyway!! We all have a bit of 'crazy' in us) and somehow that I was weak in taking them and a failure. But I did turn to them out of desperation as I had no life whatsoever and I felt I was living this nightmare, so I did take meds and for me, it was the best solution. I mentioned the stigma beforehand, and there is this shame in mental illness in society though in the UK it's improving. People are talking more about it and basically most people in their lives will struggle with mental health. My mother is Polish so I know in Poland the stigma around mental health was awful, so people would rarely talk about how they were suffering. It's improving there too.
I would say as with all meds, there are pros and cons and of course, it depends what place you're at what support you have, how long you are able to wait, how bad you feel. Get the advice you can about meds and it's all up to you. Maybe give yourself 2 weeks and just reassess then. My reticence in taking meds was due to stigma and if I'm honest, lack of knowledge about mental health. And don't forget if you do take them, it's not foreverx
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Post by justmommy on Mar 3, 2021 15:01:25 GMT
Hi again, Today there is heavy rain, we are out just standing under safe place with my husband. Today i started antidep. Unfortunately, as every morning my stomach was not good so i threw up most of it😕 Drying upbreastmilk is little hard. One of my boobs have pain hopefully i am managing right. I put cabbage leaves but it smelled so bad i had to takw out. My doctor told me first week of the antidep might be bad side effect wise , first day is not so good, hopefully i can survive this week Growth spurts is also bad, effecting our sleep and baby’s sleep as well. Beforehand her sleep was good. But not so much these last few days. I just don’t know where to go from this point Taking day by day is getting harder. At least my baby smiles in the day time when she’s not crying
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Post by monica on Mar 4, 2021 11:33:39 GMT
Hi
How has this morning been? How did you manage this mornings tablet? Yes it’s common to feel worse before you feel better - I think I felt worse for about two weeks. Obviously if you struggle, do contact your dr. My gp prescribed me diazepam (muscle relaxant ) to help relax. This was only for short term use but helps to get through that initial period. Saying that I know of others who wrre t troubled by side effects.
If you don’t mind me asking are you often sick in the mornings . You mention stomach issues.
Aghh the weather - it can be horrible with the rain and dampness. And so changeable. I love the warmth and sun!
How are the boobs? Cabbage leaves can be a bit smelly . Maybe massage and warm compresses. I hope it settles down but again, call dr if it doesn’t.
Hey life is tricky atm - but it will improve ! Your baby sounds amazing and clearly happy - you’re doing a great job! X
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