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Post by justmommy on Jan 23, 2021 20:43:17 GMT
Hi everyone, I have a 12 week baby girl. I have been diagonosed with postnatal anxiety. I have been having therapy for a month now with my old therapist. Previously I had anxiety attacks. I am living away from my homecountry, here in the UK. My mom passed away almost 4 years ago, so I don’t have any family support ( not from my dad or older brother-don’t have good rships with them) Thanks to covid my husband works from home. But also because of covid (flights are stopped)nobody/friends able to come visit us, or share of joy of having a new baby. In my chest, in the mornings or other times discomfort anxiety etc. Not sleeping well. I can’t sleep during the day when she sleeps because i am too alert. I have been also prescribed with an antidepresssant but my husband doesn’t want to me to take it, he think it will make me more careless and it won’t help me. I am trying everything not take it, and take care of my babygirl although i have zero energy. Is there any good stories that like me and was able to get over it without pills.
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Post by monica on Jan 24, 2021 22:36:01 GMT
Welcome Justmommy
Hugest congratulations on the birth of your baby! I’m sorry you’re suffering with post natal anxiety. As you’ve remarked this pandemic is so tough for many and particularly mums. I’m sorry you don’t have any other support amd you must feel quite isolated if this is not your home country. Do you have close friends here?
It sounds like you’re doing all the right things in talking to dr and seeing your therapist and that’s really positive. Can I ask what has made your husband have such strong views on antidepressants? It’s a very personal choice whether to take them and as with all medication there are pros and cons to taking them. I took antidepressants - my experience was positive. They gave me my life back - I’m happy to share my experience if you’d like to hear it.
Many women, for various reasons m, don’t take antids. Talking therapies can be hugely helpful allowing you to offload and learn techniques to manage anxiety. How is the therapy going for you?
Other things I found useful was exercise (it releases the feel good chemical endorphins), can burn off nervous energy too. Could you manage something? I found cardio particularly good.
Certain vitamins can help but do get professional advice from dr/pharmacist.
Learning relaxation techniques like breathing exercises and distraction techniques can help. It can take practise so don’t get disheartened if they don’t seem to work at first.
Please do keep talking as we really do understand x
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Post by justmommy on Jan 24, 2021 22:59:44 GMT
Welcome Justmommy Hugest congratulations on the birth of your baby! I’m sorry you’re suffering with post natal anxiety. As you’ve remarked this pandemic is so tough for many and particularly mums. I’m sorry you don’t have any other support amd you must feel quite isolated if this is not your home country. Do you have close friends here? It sounds like you’re doing all the right things in talking to dr and seeing your therapist and that’s really positive. Can I ask what has made your husband have such strong views on antidepressants? It’s a very personal choice whether to take them and as with all medication there are pros and cons to taking them. I took antidepressants - my experience was positive. They gave me my life back - I’m happy to share my experience if you’d like to hear it. Many women, for various reasons m, don’t take antids. Talking therapies can be hugely helpful allowing you to offload and learn techniques to manage anxiety. How is the therapy going for you? Other things I found useful was exercise (it releases the feel good chemical endorphins), can burn off nervous energy too. Could you manage something? I found cardio particularly good. Certain vitamins can help but do get professional advice from dr/pharmacist. Learning relaxation techniques like breathing exercises and distraction techniques can help. It can take practise so don’t get disheartened if they don’t seem to work at first. Please do keep talking as we really do understand x Hi Monica thanks for your reply. My husband doesn’t like antidep in general. Doesn’t think it will be a long term solution. I take magnesium, b12 vit. I would love to hear your experience. If possible with relaxing techniques, then I can maybe avoid antidep. What can be the distraction techniques? At first weeks, I was under cultural pressure. Not sure how to describe it. I didn’t feel like a mother from the first moment i thought i would. Also i tried breastfeeding, only first 10-15 days i was able to, then started pumping for few reasons such as mastits. I thought i was less of a mom because of that. Then i became the terms that there are different norms.
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Post by monica on Jan 26, 2021 11:32:47 GMT
Hi
How are you? Have you enjoyed the snow?
Here's a few relaxation techniques - simple things like taking time out for yourself, which I know is hard with a baby, but reading, listening to audio books, watching telly or whatever else. Also starting a hobby perhaps - learning a language, knitting, drawing, and also anything that is a distraction and helps you takes your focus away from the anxiety.
Specific techniques that helped me were breathing techniques. Lie on you back and place your hands on your stomach. Take a deep breath through your stomach (so your stomach fill up with air) and release slowly, focusing on each breath.
Another one that worked for me was tensing all your muscles for 5 secs then releasing them.
There are lots of different techniques on the internet and you tube. I love pilates as I find the regular focused breathing helps as well as toning up my tummy! Give some of these a go. It can take time to master then so don't feel disheartened if they don't appear to work initially.
If you struggle with negative thoughts that you dwell on, then when you feel a negative thought pop into your head and you know you will thinking about it clap and say aloud 'stop'. Or wear an elastic band and flick it. This can shock you into breaking the thought pattern.
I think most cultures put pressure on new mothers to love motherhood. If you don't mind me asking, what is your background? Please don't feel you have to reply to that. Even in UK which is thought to be liberal and open, the media shows motherhood as being natural, joyous. You're expected to adapt to it straightaway, now what youre doing and love it! the reality is that birth can be difficult, motherhood exhausting, isolating and it is quite normal to feel a loss of identity.
Well done for breast feeding at all! You've done brilliantly in managing for as long as you did. Mastitis is horrible so please try to look at your achievements. There is no one scale to measure being a good mum - it sounds to me as if you've doing an amazing job at a very difficult time.
My post natal illness story starts after the birth of my second son. I put huge pressure on myself to be perfect, run a spotless house and didn't think about my own needs. Even though my children were quite good, I felt exhausted and put pressure on myself to compete with a group of friends. I ran myself it to the ground which triggered strange and debilitating physical symptoms and crippling anxiety. I couldn't eat not sleep. Leaving the house became difficult and I would cry all day and night. I couldn't look after my kids. My gp suggested antidepressants. I refused initially as I felt I wasn't crazy and it was only weak people that took them. After a horrific four months when my mental health as well as physical health had deteriorated so much, that I took the decision to start antidepressants out of desperation and for me it was the right decision. I got my life back. It was still a rocky road to recovery but I feel the medication kick started my recovery and was the life jacket I needed to start living again.
What is your husband's experience of antidepressants? I do feel he is quite wrong. This type of medication does not need to be long term. I took meds for about 1/2 years (it is recommended for most antidepressants that you take them for at least 6 months after you feel better. They are not addictive but should not be stopped suddenly and a gradual reduction is advised. It took me a couple of months to come off them. There can be side effects - mine were that I felt worse for 2-3 weeks before I started to feel better, which is very common. My libido plummeted but returned when I came off them and the I used to feel very excited for no reason which is actually quite strange feeling. However, it is entirely up to you what you do, but I would advise you not to discount antidepressant medication as it is an option. Maybe you and your husband could speak to a GP for more information?
Can I ask how you're getting on with the therapist? Can you tell what seems to trigger your anxiety? x
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Post by justmommy on Jan 27, 2021 18:31:38 GMT
Hi , thanks for taking time and reply Snow was a great suprise, wish it stayed a little longer. I can def do the breathing technique and saying stop when my mind wonders I am getting ok with my therapist. She thinks i am really into my freedom and now its taken away fully, which makes me bad. I dont think i can get away and do new hobby😞 Watching telly for a short time is even kind of hard My husband doesnt believe in antidep in general. I guess he thinks its a temp solution and afriads it will make me careless. I am pumping at the moment thats a stressor i guess but alsi not sure if i want to finish my milk. I was aiming her 3rd month now thats around the corner i am thinking I need family support which i cant have, but have friends support. If covid wasnt happenin socialising would have helped I question myself if u can be a mom-and handle it everyday Not sure what triggers anxiety
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Post by monica on Jan 27, 2021 20:27:00 GMT
Hi
Hey you're doing a brilliant job and handling things everyday even if it's hard. That's a huge achievement! So well done - take some time out to congratulate yourself as no one realises how hard motherhood is when you're not feeling your best.
The lockdown has had a dreadful impact on most people. I think this time round I'm finding it a little easier but I really struggled last year. Like most people I need human contact especially with friends and I've just not had that. i try to video call various friends a couple of times a week and have reconnected with people I've not spoken to in ages which is great.
Motherhood can be very isolating - no matter how much you love your child, it can be very boring, frustrating and monotonous without a break to this routine. It doesn't make you a bad person for finding this adjustment difficult. In fact, I think most mums feel this way just don't talk about it!
Wow it's brilliant you're pumping! Though I imagine that's hard. Unfortunately, that never worked for me so it's a real achievement that you're still doing it x
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Post by justmommy on Jan 30, 2021 12:14:33 GMT
This covid made it really isolating and took away the fun parts of the motherhood i think. I hate be the one like everything is happening to be. But i feel like i cant catch a break. As you said everyday is like same. I can’t even find the courage to congratulate myself, as a harsh self critic to myself. I guess its self trust issues My health visitor reffered me to the mental team, my gp called me yesterday and told me mental team is overwhelmed and refused my referral. They don’t even bother to call themselves to tell me. They think i am ok, they suggest the same antidep. I thought they would give me some relaxing techniques etc When i think one-two months later, how i am going to manfe it that scares me a lot Pumping is hard. My breastmilk seems getting low, i was thinking to finishing my milk in order to cut one of the stressor. Now i am not so sure, i feel like she deserves breastmilk.
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Post by monica on Jan 31, 2021 12:12:01 GMT
Hi Justmommy It’s incredibly tough for you atm - you’re right the pleasure of having a baby and getting out and about often which is so crucial to new mums, had been taken away from you. Could you try and hook up with other mums online? Maybe talking to others in a similar position to you and feeling the same way might make you less critical of yourself plus you’ll be able to share experiences good and bad and get to know others? Are you on fb? There’s a huge group called happily (and there’s an app too) that can help you connect with other parents. The link is below if you fancy giving it a try. m.facebook.com/HappityApp/I’m so sorry the local peri mental health team wouldn’t help you. Regardless of their reasons it must make you feel awful. Do you have a health visitor ? There are other organisations that can help so please try not to take it personally . You’ve done brilliantly with pumping. If it’s getting too much maybe you could reduce number of times you do it and give bottle? Not sure if that’s recommended but I mix fed . Keep talking - it will get better x
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Post by justmommy on Jan 31, 2021 22:24:40 GMT
Hi, I added happityapp’s page on facebook also i found and app called mush with local moms. I changed my night pumping times which helped a little. I have a health visitor next time i will ask her if she can reccomend other options than mental health team. I understand mental h team’s being overwhelmed etc but the way they handled and not reaching out to me was not acceptable. How severe i should be for them to talk to me? I teresting I will keep writing here as well, thank you very much. I am trying to set small goals for now, for pumping and getting through. I hope that i can catch a break with maybe more sunny days , eased down lockdown rules or maybe flights openning back so loved ones can come or we can go-but i guess there is 2-3 months for that. I hope i can keep hanging on.
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Post by monica on Feb 1, 2021 11:13:08 GMT
Hi You’re doing all the right things to help yourself and that takes courage and determination- it’s really something to be proud of! Do talk to your health visitor - they often know about different organisations and schemes that you could benefit from. Also maybe a referral from health visitor might add weight with pErinatal mental team. I was referred to Home Start - they are a charity who match you to a volunteer who supports you by weekly visits /contact (I’m not sure how that works during covid but I imagine they’ve never been busier). I had this lovely lady help support me. And you can use the service for as long as you need or want to . www.home-start.org.uk/Please don’t feel you have to try out any of the suggestions I give. It’s entirely up to you! I’m in awe of your pumping - glad the change has benefitted you. Hang on in there. It’s common with this to have good amd bad days. Hopefully with little changes like the ones you’re making, you’ll start to feel better. Also better weather would definately make a difference as well as visiting friends and family. Monica x
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Post by justmommy on Feb 7, 2021 22:30:14 GMT
Hi Monica, I was connected by a link worker, wish she was my mommy buddy and talked with her my first week with baby. She wanted to teach 1:1 massage to my baby, but my baby cried like crazy- she needed to sleep. It took me a while to understand it and stressed a lot because she cried like crazy. And i was excited to make an acitvity with her anyways. My gp also wrote to the mental health team and they called me and they decided to give me a short course of cbt therapy. It will start next week, i have a priortyy because my baby is younger than 1 year old. I hope it works because everyday becomes really hard. I want to find a local mums group but also afraid because of covid-meeting up etc. Late afternoons -nights a little easier but then when i go to bed i am afraid i wont able to sleep. Or like last night i woke up 2 hours later and couldn’t sleep back for 2 hours. I just get angry when i cant sleep when i have the opprtunity. I take magnesium / night tea etc to help me sleep but not reallt works i guess I am trying to take it day by day but its very hard with anxieties. Somehow i need to believe i can survive this
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Post by monica on Feb 8, 2021 10:08:00 GMT
Hi
Great to hear from you. Life sounds really hard but I promise you, you will get through it. It sounds like it might be worth exploring the baby massage again now your baby is older? It's great for so many reasons - bonding, something different, meeting other people even if on video. Would you be able to to contact that link worker again? She helped you a lot.
CBT is very good for combatting negative thought patterns. I am an interpreter also and interpret during cbt sessions. When I had pni I was also taught some interpreting techniques which really helped me. I found writing down my negative thought then making a list of reason for and against it really helped me see how I could rationalise that particular thought. let me know how you get on. I think it might be very useful with your sleep and that you feel worried beforehand that you will not be able to fall asleep.
Regarding local mums' groups, I imagine there aren't any which are currently meeting facing to face but there are probably many who are meeting online. it's worth trying to meet online anyway as you can get to know some faces, and simply chat. It'll make you feel less isolated. Your health visitor should be able to help you with this or maybe contact your local children's centre?
You are really managing so well in spite of feeling so anxious. I hope and pray that soon the lock down will ease and life can return near to normal. I have no doubt that will help you hugely. Hopefully, better sunnier and warmer weather will come too and everyone feels lifted when it's like this!
Monica
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Post by justmommy on Feb 8, 2021 16:57:31 GMT
Hi Monica, My link worker will contact me at the end of this month and i will try it again, go to the children centre, not sure how to arrange timing, because everyday is quite different with timing depending on my baby’s night sleep. I had cbt like 5 years ago when i first moved to the UK, but forgot how was it/what to do. I will learn it again, probably little different with pp. Its just i feel i don’t have time to (let’s say:) meditation/mind exercises. I have time like 1.5-2 hourse before i go to sleep and that time i am tired and don’t want to do anything except lay in front of tv. Every morning i feel like i am not going to able to finish the day etc. This covid and snow cold weather are like trying to push/see my limits over and over, which is already streched. I will ask my h visitor for local mums online chat. I just not sure if i can create the time and do a online group chat😞 Messaging is best i can do, but i know i need a regular online meetups. I guess i can barely keep up with my baby’s schedule if it make sense. I wisg there was something like “it passes in 4th month” amd there’s no such thing Thank you so much for your replies.
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Post by monica on Feb 9, 2021 21:02:54 GMT
Babies are hard work! With some it’s hard to establish routine so you end up feeling that they seem to dictate your energy levels and the whole day. My eldest was like your baby by the sounds of it. He was v demanding on the feeding side of things and he wouldn’t sleep without being on my breast which was exhausting. So I understand when you say you find it difficult to find time. Sometimes I wouldn’t shower for a couple of days as I simply couldn’t find the time.
I do remember though around the 3 month stage it suddenly got a bit easier. Before as soon as he awoke he would scream as he was hungry then one day when I was walking far away from home he woke up - I was panicked as thought he’d be screaming for 30 mins before we got hime and he didn’t!!
Could you get your husband to give you a break during the daytime?
Good luck with the cbt. It’ll be really useful. I keep wondering about signing up to some as I struggle too though my children are much much older!
Really you’re doing so well ! Motherhood is tough and this covid stuff just awful but you’re an amazing mum you really are!! X
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Post by justmommy on Feb 11, 2021 11:58:24 GMT
She’s just over 3months, i have been hoping it would change a little in my anxiety but no My husband takes her to give me time but at that time i either pump, clean/sterilise bottle etc or just sit on the couch for a while. I started cbt yesterday, i have categorize my worries etc. My sleeps are still bad. Although baby is sleeping and so on, which makes me angry, not able to sleep back. Even Near future frightens me on living in this demand. living in the moment is something which i couldnt do ever. Sometimes i really feel lost and cornered with everything. My baby is usually calm and ok but know she figured our her ability to scream its not nice. Also for a few min she can cry like crazy which makes me feel really bad. I cant explain this to my husband.
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