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Post by monica on Feb 13, 2022 15:35:48 GMT
Hi
I'm apologising now for the late reply - life has been so busy for me that this is the first day that's I've had time to catch up.
You've had it tough by the sounds of it. I'm sorry you caught covid - it's frightening as you dont' know how ill you'll get but I think you've had the vaccine even if not the booster, so I'm sure gave you protection. A source of stress for sure.
How has it been with your father? I know you've said in the past that your relationship with him isn't straightforward and can be difficult. Great idea to have him stay a bit further away then as you said,, both of you can have space.
Try not give up hope - there will be goods times round the corner. Having a baby is so hard - we don't really talk about the difficult side of the whole parenthood experience but it is hard for many to adapt to the new role as a parent. It can put pressure on the strongest of relationships. I hope a new job will help your husband's mood. Do you think he may be a bit depressed? Is there any chance just the two of you can have a bit of time together? Some quality time to reconnect. How is your job going btw? How is your little girl. I bet she's growing fast!
I'm ok thanks just very busy all the time with children, work, home life. Sometimes I like being busy; other times it feels like too much! Maybe I need a holiday. My sister and family have gone to Turkey today for a week. I'd love to see some sunshine!x
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Post by justmommy on Mar 1, 2022 10:53:07 GMT
Hi Monica, I hope your sister and family enjoys Turkey. The weather should be a little better from here i think these days. I can relate very well when u said you prefer to be busy. As an overthinker its just makes me feels worse when i am trying to relax. My girl is growing so fast, she had an ear infection so i took her a doctor, who saw her several times since she has born. He called her feisty 😅 can’t wait her 2 year old tanturums🤦🏻♀️She’s 16 months old already. My husband is little depressed as well. Not really appreciated at work etc. so hopefully if he gets the offer etc his new job might be a change of environment. We wanted to arrange a date night dinner but its not been possible. But i will try to arrange it for this weekend maybe. My girl is so handful and energetic i need to take to more soft play kind of things. And her sleep/nap times are changing as well. Her nap shorter means less time for me to rest of course. I was waiting to get booster but the i got covid and now i don’t know about getting the booster. In Turkey they measure how many anticores you have etc from your bloodtest. If i can do that here it would be lovely but too much hassle in here. When i talk with My husband let’s say i an tired of her shouting or its hard for me to take her outside / out of her stroller and let her walk and follow her. He keeps saying but you are a mom. Its like when i got pregnant i got extra energy boosted in my system ot something. As a father, its ok for him not to have energy or need of sleep. I guess when she starts nursery in november maybe we can have a healthier relationship. I just get angry why people, mothers don’t share the hard times or tells like its like nothing. My rship father is strange. He is more like a distant relative and it hurts from time to time. I want him to have my back, just want to know the feeling, not that i need. But he is not capable of doing it. I feel like i am dispensable for him. If i ask/tell him this, the he would be ahh you are wrong, if u need somethings just ask blah blah. He is 77 years old and feel like he is sometimes more kid like than my daughter. I hope we get more good weather and enjoy our selves Take care
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Post by monica on Mar 3, 2022 17:52:40 GMT
Hi Justmommy
We take relaxation for granted. It can be so hard to do with post natal depression and is a skill you sometimes have to relearn it- at least that was the case in my experience. But I do understand you - when having the time to stop, sometimes it's an automatic reaction to fill that time in with worrying or overthinking.
You poor daughter - ear infections are horrid! Hey feisty is good for later in life - maybe not so much now when you're trying to get her to comply! Tantrums - I could tell you a few stories about that!
I'm sorry to hear about your husband. Hopefully a new job will perk him up. And yes, often men don't understand how hard being the full time carer of a child can be. As much as you love them, it's hard work running after a toddler all day who doesn't listen!! Feeling fed up, tired, frustrated and at times wishing you can have your old life back is entirely normal. And you are completely right - women should talk about that side of things more than they do. It's not all roses. I was lucky with the set of friends I made in the post natal group after my 3rd son was born. We were all open and honest about our experiences of motherhood. Saying that with another group of work friends everybody incl me used to pretend how great our lives were - it was only years later that when we were older and more honest did we talk about the hardship of motherhood, our relationships etc.
It's disappointing that you don't have the relationship you want with your dad. Sadly, mine with my dad isn't great with me and we don't have much of a relationship. I love him enormously but I don't know what to talk about with him and he's always irritated me alot. It was only a few years ago that a boyfriend pointed out to me that my dad was autistic and I realised that I've grown up disappointed in his inability to meet my emotional needs as a daughter and that this wasn't through his selfishness - it's through his inability to behave and understand what my needs were. For some reason, this has affected me but less so my siblings.
Hang on in there - you are doing amazingly in challenging circumstances. ARe you still working?x
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