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Post by monica on Jun 1, 2021 21:44:20 GMT
I’m sorry you feel the relationship with your husband is strained due to the questioning . Could you talk to him about it? Maybe it’s not intended the way it comes across? Perhaps he doesn’t realise the way it makes you feel? X
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Post by justmommy on Jun 2, 2021 13:38:36 GMT
I tried to talk with him. He thinks someone needs to control/double check everything about the baby. At the end he says i am like this accept me like who i am. But he wasn’t like this before the baby or when he was on paternity leave-maybe i didn’t realise it. I hope his work stress gets lower so maybe he can be more normal
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Post by monica on Jun 3, 2021 7:30:03 GMT
Oh dear! He sounds quite anxious. Having a baby whom you love can make you realise how vulnerable they are and trigger anxiety. Post natal anxiety and other symptoms are common in men too. Possibly the whole working from home has triggered this? Would your husband talk to someone about this?
I meant to ask you, how is your therapy going? How are you? Enjoying the glorious weather? X
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Post by justmommy on Jun 6, 2021 15:14:43 GMT
I agree with you. My therapist recommended we should do couple therapy. Last night we had a huge fight, it’s like i made our baby myself. His reasoning for everything is his work. I don’t know at the moment if i want fo work on our rship, it’s like he won’t understand me at all. Last night baby was little fussy wake up etc. At the end, he wanted her to sleep with us. I didn’t want it. Because i can’t sleep with her. So i said no, in order for me to have energy next day. That’s how our fight mainly started. My therapy is going well, my therapist is happy with my progress. With the fights or being not understood makes me afraid to go back high level of anxiety
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Post by monica on Jun 7, 2021 10:10:06 GMT
Hi
You’ve having a tough time. Arguments are not nice especially if you feel your husband is behaving unreasonably. From what you’ve said it does sound as if baby arriving plus covid has made things v hard for him and that’s why maybe he’s behaving oddly. I hope he can open up to you or someone else - sometimes that can be easier.
It’s difficult for you if you’re relationship feels tough to the point where you’re you’re not sure what you want, either. Having a baby is painted as such a beautiful experience but it can knock relationships sideways. Where there was once just two of you , now there’s three plus baby is very demanding which doesn’t leave much time for your relationship amd at the end of the day that needs nurturing too. Maybe both of you need sometime to reconnect. How was your relationship before baby (you don’t have to answer if yoh don’t want to!)
I remember after my first child was born I almost lost interest in my partner -everything revolved around my baby who was quite demanding. My bond was so tight to the point of obsession. I remember thinking one day how I wasn’t interested in making time for him. Only later did I realise that probably want very healthy.
Would you ask your husband whether he would try couples counselling? X
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Post by justmommy on Jun 7, 2021 11:34:04 GMT
Our rship before baby was fine, he was always little obsses with this work of course. Somehow he always manages to find himself right in the argument that’s one of the reasons why i think he won’t want couole therapy. Also, i don’t feel that i have the energy to have a couple therapy. When I was feeling really bad i told thin he could manage with our baby even if i am not there etc etc (which was my lowest point and don’t have any issues like that atm) yesterday when we arguing he reminded me that in order to defend himself. I thought that was rude/unnecessary, with the hormones, breastfeeding and everything it was just a period. He gets angry just i have a reasoning for everything. Anyway, all these fights made me insecure about my motherhood again. I really afraid to go back my panick attack etc. I am still taking sertlaine, i can dose up to 200mg - my doctor said- but i don’t want to. I dream/wish to quit antidep as soon as possible with doc’s reccomendation whenever is the right time. It’s more weight than we could imagine having a baby i guess. Both of us are struggling with that. I am so tired trying to be the understanding part. But i am sure if u ask my husband he would say the same thing for himself. My baby girl is teething again, so in every angle it’s a tough time.
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Post by monica on Jun 7, 2021 12:27:52 GMT
Hi
You are in a very different place to how you were before . I’m sorry your husband brought up those painful things you felt. Please don’t let it affect the progress you’ve made and the confidence you’ve built up. He lashed out to hurt you probably in the heat of the moment as he was hurt and angry. It wasn’t nice at all though.
You’re a brilliant mum and have always been. And you’re the same even though your dark days have been brought up. Instead of letting those doubts in, remind yourself of how well you’re doing because you really are. Xx
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Post by justmommy on Jun 13, 2021 20:56:43 GMT
Hi You are in a very different place to how you were before . I’m sorry your husband brought up those painful things you felt. Please don’t let it affect the progress you’ve made and the confidence you’ve built up. He lashed out to hurt you probably in the heat of the moment as he was hurt and angry. It wasn’t nice at all though. You’re a brilliant mum and have always been. And you’re the same even though your dark days have been brought up. Instead of letting those doubts in, remind yourself of how well you’re doing because you really are. Xx Hi Monica, Thank you very much for your support. I don’t know why sometimes it feels like a competition for him, he needs to always win an argument😞 Somtimes i think that i should think myself as a single mom in order not to be disappointed. If he helps to take care that’s fine if not i wouldn’t feel this bad maybe🤦🏻♀️ Somehow i need to find a way to protect myself/my mental health I hope u had a great weekend with hot weather
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Post by monica on Jun 15, 2021 8:19:14 GMT
Hi
How are you? I’m loving this good weather and the sunny evenings! Helps my mood hugely!
You mentioned the competitive side of your husband - that’s very male but underneath it it could be insecurity too.
It’s sad you have to feel like a single mum. Maybe try talking about it? Honestly parenthood isn’t bloody hard! Are you meeting more with friends? X
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Post by justmommy on Jun 17, 2021 12:49:08 GMT
Hi How are you? I’m loving this good weather and the sunny evenings! Helps my mood hugely! You mentioned the competitive side of your husband - that’s very male but underneath it it could be insecurity too. It’s sad you have to feel like a single mum. Maybe try talking about it? Honestly parenthood isn’t bloody hard! Are you meeting more with friends? X Hi, i feel like i am living in auto mode, when i start about rship i get upset. I feel like my husband is like a boss- questioning and watching over etc. I might be exagrating a little but this is how i feel and it makes me anxious. My therapy is about the finish with NHS. So let’s see how it goes. Today, i was able to go to a pedicure. Something for me.😀but of course when i return hope i had to be back to being mom in a second
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Post by monica on Jun 19, 2021 23:01:40 GMT
Hi
Your pedicure sounds lovely! What a treat! Yes it’s like that …back home and the usual chores but nice to have a break.
It sounds like your husbands behaviour is really getting to whilst. Whilst it can get upsetting /irritating maybe if you’re not in a great place it can make you feel worse than you might have done ordinarily.
I hope you get a bit of R and R this weekend x
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Post by justmommy on Jun 22, 2021 8:48:18 GMT
Hi, pedicure was nice, hopefully i can arrange manicure for next month. It is really important to be feel like(do things) from pre baby. My weekend was ok. If i was in my few months ago state, it would been really hard with my husband. But still is. Its just makes me angry when he helps -he thinks i should think it as a big favor of something. I was able to rebook my 2nd vaccination for a earlier date, this vaccine center/pharmacy is little far away but still it is better to get it early i guess. Maybe in August we can travel.
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Post by monica on Jun 24, 2021 7:23:29 GMT
Hi
You are right - self care is hugely important. Your pedicure sounded wonderful and manicure even better!
You are managing things v well, you really are. With Pni it’s even harder to manage someone else’s behaviour that’s getting you and I’m glad you can see the progress you’re making.
How’s your daughter doing? What is she doing now? How old is she? X
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Post by monica on Jun 24, 2021 7:24:15 GMT
I’ve had my second vaccine amd felt fine - I had the Astra Zeneca and felt ropey after the first injection x
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Post by justmommy on Jun 29, 2021 11:40:00 GMT
I’ve had my second vaccine amd felt fine - I had the Astra Zeneca and felt ropey after the first injection x I am glad you had your second vaccination and fine; usually i heard second one is little harder. Last Friday, there was a walk in vaccination somewhere close to me, so i got mine too. Instead of waiting a little more. But my husband didn’t get it he thinks its better to put time between to vaccination.8–12 weeks🤷🏻♀️ My husband’s behavouirs really frustrates me. Yesterday i got hima gift, long storu short i got upsey because of something he said, because my face looked sad and upset, he later apologised (that’s a big step for him) and he said he was angry because our baby was shouting. She’s almost 8 months old now. Hopefully her upper teeth comes soon. Her midday sleeps got shorten and unstable. My husband became little control freak about the baby so sometimes i lie if she slept or for how long, instead of dealing with his extra questions. In August, my brother in law is getting engaged and returning from our home country, Turkey, we had to do a hotel quarantine. So my husband suggests my baby and i go somewhere on amber or green list for 10-11 days have holiday and then come back london but i dont want it because it wont be a holiday for me actually it will be very harder for me i think. On thursday i will take a music class for the first time hopefully she behaves
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