tinab
New Member
Posts: 2
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Post by tinab on Apr 8, 2021 14:40:11 GMT
Hello everyone! I'm new to this forum and to the motherhood. I had a great pregnancy and a beautiful birth experience. My handsome 6m old boy is clever and reaching all the milestones on time or even early... But I feel like he deserves a better mother. I've been fighting depression way before he was born and been on meds for a few years. In my second trimester I weaned off the meds on advice of my doctor. Everything seemed just perfect until hormones run the game. But few months back I started feeling depressed and angry again. I didn't want to admit to myself and my husband that I have PPD and put it all down to sleep deprivation. To be honest, my boy (still!) Wakes up every hour during the night and most of the time only has contact naps... It's absolutely draining and I feel like I'm constantly running on fumes. Currently my boy and I are staying at my parents' abroad as my dad got very ill recently and I wanted him to meet his grandson asap. I don't have anyone to talk to about how I feel and noone to leave my boy with for a few hours (my mum has to take care of my dad and their farm). So, I feel completely exhausted, but I can't get help from my GP until I get back to London (in about a month). I don't really know how to cope in the meantime. I get so angry at my beautiful boy for not sleeping and afterwards I feel guilty for feeling so angry... I'm going insane! Any advice for a quick fix? I'm desperate.
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Post by Hopeful on Apr 10, 2021 18:44:53 GMT
Hi Tinab, Welcome to the Forum and I am so sorry that you feel so sad and desperate. What I can say, is that you are not alone and may of us have felt this way (my children are grown up now). I can only say that you must try to be kind to yourself and to remember that you feel this way because you are a caring and loving mother. This is a safe place and it is definitely good talk - so talk away. Mutual support really can help, Hopeful x
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Post by monica on Apr 10, 2021 19:55:03 GMT
Hello Tinab
Welcome! I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It's really postive that you have such insight into how you feel and are very honest about it, something I struggled with. It must be a dfficult time for you dealing with your ill father and not being able to access GP.
Is there any chance you could maybe speak to your GP over the phone? Would that be possible? At least you could get things in place for when you return.
Sleep deprivation is just awful. The feelings of resentment and angry and are not unusual. My youngest in particular was not a good sleeper either and I remember being exhausted and saying to him at night when he's tired during the day I was going to keep him up! Not helpful and irraltional but I was shattered! Perhaps when you feel this way, you could hand him over to your mum even for 30 mins? Are there any other family members of friends about who could give you a breather with the baby. If there is noone, may be place the baby safely in his cot and just walk away for a few mins, take deep breaths just to calm your self. A break even if little can really help. Also do you know why he wakes up so frequently? Does he take a dummy for instance?
Some ladies like to keep a diary - you are welcome to do this here or anywhere else - just a place to offload. As hopeful said this is safe place to talk and we really do understand.
Please keep talking - youRE doing an amazing job as a mum x
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tinab
New Member
Posts: 2
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Post by tinab on Apr 11, 2021 14:39:38 GMT
Dear Hopeful and Monica, thank you so much for replying. I was really desperate the other day and it's nice to know that there's someone listening. My mood goes up and down every few days, also depending on hours of sleep I manage to get during the night. I'll try to contact my GP and see what we can do before my return. I'll also ask my mum if there's any work she can miss out. Monica, you mentioned your LO was and sleeper too. May I ask when it got better for you? I know all babies are different, but I like to hear from mums that are familiar with sleep derivation that lasts longer than the first few months of baby's life. I'm not really sure why my boy wakes up so often. I tried many things already (different beds, temperatures, clothes, sounds, lights, formula/boob/bottle/solids, co-sleeping, sleeping in his bed, in the room with me, with husband, we have a bed time/nap routine...) and now gave up guessing. He might be teething. Or have separation anxiety. Or maybe we tried to many things or not tried them for long enough... He had dummy for first couple of months, but then started refusing it. Every night for the last few months I hope I'll soon have one of those One-Night-It-Suddenly-Stopped stories to tell
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Post by monica on Apr 11, 2021 18:03:35 GMT
Hi Tinab
Lovely to hear from you! I’m sure there’s be a link between the amount of sleep you get and your mood. I find that even nowadays and I’m many years post partum.
Looking back , I think my son had silent reflux and that was the cause. He had dreadful colic in the evenings (a cranial osteopath worked miracles), sometimes after formula he would throw everything back up and at night would cry a lot. I think it was quite bad until he started being weaned so I guess around the 6 month stage. When you get back to Uk perhaps have a chat with health visitor. They have lots of experience so should give you ideas !
You are definitely not alone in how you’re feeling. It sounds like you’re doing such an amazing job x
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