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Post by pixie34 on Jan 1, 2004 23:34:48 GMT
Hi! my name is Carol, and I've just spent 4 months in a mother and baby unit with PND. I have a boy age 6 and an 8 month old baby. I've been home for a month now, and its going quite well, despite the DVLA taking my driving licence away, and being stuck indoors with the kids for 24/7 for the duration of christmas!
Some friends asked if I wanted to go skiing at the end of Jan, without the kids, and although my husband is keen for me to go, and will take the time off work to look after the babes, I still feel really guilty. I'm desperate for some time to feel myself, and I know the 6 year old will cope, but I'm worried about the baby, who will be 9 months old when I go. He's quite a happy chappy, and despite everything, we have bonded very well, and I enjoy looking after him, but do you think he will be OK emotionally? I was lucky in that I got admitted to a very good mother and baby unit, and was able to take him with me, so we got to know each other really well, but I don't want to compromise that. Husband (who is a G.P) assures me he will be fine, and that I need time to myself in order to carry on looking after the children as intensively as I do, but I still feel like a bad mother for going. What do thers think?
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Post by Catherine on Jan 2, 2004 10:45:37 GMT
Hi Carol,
I had PND severely and spent a 10 days in a general psychiatric hospital (there were no beds at the mother and baby unit) for observation. This was at my own request as I felt so frightened of the illness. I wish I had been able to attend a mother and baby unit and I hope more will be opened.
Anyway, as for the guilt aspect I think all sufferers must feel a sense of failure and therefore guilt at not (remember temporarily) living up to thier own expectations and aspirations. You have what sounds like a very wonderful husband who is willing to hold the fort while you have a break from the house and chores for a while and that is a really good idea. You will come back refreshed and see things in a different light and after what you have been through you deserve a special treat for getting through it. You must trust your husband to look after your child as it is important for a father to be intimately involved in the rearing and care of what is ,after all ,his own child. Go and enjoy yourself and dont feel guilt, delegate and trust your husband for your own health and that of the family.
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Post by claire on Jan 6, 2004 12:59:51 GMT
Hi Carol
Can i just echo all of what Catherine has said - it is a fantastic opportunity and your husband, both as a GP and by the sounds of it a very insightful and supportive man, is absolutely right to encourage you to go. Guilt is part & parcel of motherhood, we can't avoid it but could do without it too. As you say, you have bonded very well with your baby boy already, and 2 weeks (or a week - whatever!) away will not harm him in the slightest. As Catherine said, fathers need to be intimately involved with every aspect of caring for your children, and this will give him an opportunity to do so (although i'm sure he has already). I'm sure he'll miss you enormously, but i think also he is looking forward to having such an intimate and responsible 2 weeks with his baby. It will also give him a deeper understanding of what the main carer goes through looking after children constantly. He is right to say that you need a break in order to carry on looking after your children as intensively as you do - most mums without PND need that and you need to be gentle with yourself. Your little boy won't remember a thing anyway, and any reassurance he needs he will get from daddy. Put yourself first and go, give yourself some space to mend a little. Please let us all know what you decide to do.....(think gluwien, think open fires, think uninterrupted nights sleep....)
Clairexxx
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Post by skiingpixie on Jan 6, 2004 23:17:28 GMT
Thanks Catherine and Claire for your replies!
I have decided definitely to go, and will be going to Flaine in France for the last week in January!
I went up in the loft today to get some of my old clothes and ski gear out, and it was really weird- when I was pregnant, I remember packing it all away to make room for my maternity clothes, and this morning, retrieving my ski trousers and socks etc, I felt like I was retrieving a part of myself that had got left behind, and I started to feel really excited about going on holiday, getting better, and being a bit more myself again! There is also good snow in Flaine at the moment!
Its funny how you start to feel guilty as soon as that blue line appears on that testing stick isn't it? I imagine its part of being a mother, but it doubled when I was really depressed. I still struggle with guilt now, but I think its getting better! Its a shame Catherine, that you couldn't get onto a mother and baby unit at the time. I found them absolutely wonderful, and really geared up to what I needed. I did spend 4 days on a general psychiatric ward without my baby, while I was waiting for a bed on the M+B and they drugged me up to the eyeballs on antipsychotics!
Anyway, thank-you both for your moral support! Ian is looking forward to his week off work whilst I go skiing - I don't think its quite registered that he has two little helpers yet - Bless him!
I'll let you know how the skiing goes (and the apres ski)
Pixie34
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Post by Catherine on Jan 7, 2004 8:09:23 GMT
Well done Pixie!!
I think there's nothing better for a child to see than happy, adventurous and fun loving parents, after all children learn how to enjoy life through us and by having fun and living life to the full we set a good example for our children and they will know how to love life and make the very best of it when they grow up!!!
Have a great time!
Love Catherine x
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