moving to England

[caroline]

Hello,

I'm Caroline from Germany and I'm suffering from PND since my son was about six weeks old (now 8 months). Bad days swiftly follow good days and recently the cloud doesn't seem to lift a bit. I (could) cry constantly and am desperately in need of a friend or someone understanding to talk to, someone who doesn't think I'm crazy and exaggerating. I live in Frankfurt since 1 1/2 years and unfortunately haven't really made any close friends. Luckily I found(ed) a PND group whom I hate to leave behind very soon, because we (=husband, son and I)'re moving to London in the next few months.
Can anyone give me any advice of whom to contact once I arrive there? For instance, how do I find a support/PND group in London?
I'm really torn into two parts: One part is hopeful and sees London as a promising new start (I like England very much), the other is very anxious and hesitant because of the huge change in my life and environment- especially since while suffering from PND everyone advises you not to undertake huge changes in your life...
Who can help or comfort me?

Take care,
Caroline

[Lainey]

Hello Caroline

Wow, moving to England, that is an upheaval for anyone let alone someone suffering from PND. You must be feeling so many emotions at the moment, leaving your homeland and moving to a different country. I must say your written English is brilliant and makes me feel very bad that I cannot speak a foreign language!

This site will be a great comfort to you. The girls on here are just wonderful and so supportive. I have been suffering from PND for just over a year and although I do feel that I almost recovered, I still get those bad days which are not nice, so I am very grateful for this website.

Regarding support in London, there is a website called www.apni.org which is an excellent site and I am sure they will be able to put you in contact with groups and support in the London area. Where abouts in London are you going to live?

I hope everything goes okay for you Caroline. You are most definitely not crazy and every woman on this site, me included, know exactly what you are going through. PND is a wicked illness and support and understanding is exactly what you need right now.

Keep in touch

Best wishes and all the best with your move

Love Elaine

[Caroline]

Thank you so much, Elaine,
kind words feel like warm embrace to me !I'll definitely get in touch with the apni in London and hope to find a group near where I live. Unfortunately we don't know yet where that is (finding a good and affordable flat is harder than I thought).
As you rightly pointed out I'm in great turmoil at the moment, not only because of our removal, great mood swings, and yesterday was the worst day for a long time. All dark around me, bad conscience, feelings of guilt no matter what I did and above all (which I hate most, apart from the isolation): the feeling of being totally out of control, having no grip of my life (as I knew it before) and seeing no end to it. When my husband discovered in what state I was, close to saying "I'll kill myself unless this stops", he offered to make a night off possible for me; that means he returns home before six - usually he comes home between seven and eight, whoich leaves me alone with my little son for about elven hours in a row, adding to my depression- and I can go out- doing shopping or maybe watch a film. No fundamental solution but a small relief, for this day at least.
Are any mothers (with or without PPD) currently living in London reading this? How can I survive there with a toddler who can't even walk yet? Any tips?
Well, Elaine, I will keep in touch via this really good forum or maybe even via email? I don't know if I'm asking too much.

That's it for today, take care,
Caroline

[Lainey]

Hi Caroline

Of course you are not asking too much with regards to email. Feel free to email me on [e-mail] anytime you want to. I really admire you for what you are doing, you are bound to feel anxious and fretful. It is good that your husband can give you some time. It is so important for you to have that break. You do spend a lot of time on your own and it can be really lonely especially with the hours your husband does.

PND does make you feel totally out of control and very frightened but you are not alone and not mad at all, just suffering from a very horrible illness and we all understand just what you are saying.

Hope tomorrow is a better day for you Caroline.

Love

Elaikne
xx