Post by Fairly New Dad on Mar 13, 2004 9:24:42 GMT
Dear All,
We are the proud parents of a 4 month old boy - and until the last couple of weeks I thought we were doing pretty well - well, in fact, we are still doing well, its just I am becoming increasingly worried for my wife.
My wife 'S' has a good pregnancy - no problems at all other than water retention in the latter stages which affected her fingers. The birth however was very traumatic . Our boy arrvived via a ventose delivery, after 'S' suffered a sudden (and very lod) pubic separation during the final push, and 'S' went into understandable panic. After 'S' has been patched back together - she had an episiotomy, her vital signs dipped out and she went into shock - she had lost a lot of blood (this was too scarey for me - she was pretty much out of it). When the Drs stabalised the situation, they realised she had a tear in her cervix and they had to take her off to emergency surgery, leaving one very frightened and scared Dad with newborn son. Anyway, they managed to sort it all out, and thankfully 'S' was OK - within 36 hrs on a general maternity ward without tubes.
The pubic dysfuction was a huge mental problem for the first couple of weeks in particular (as well as physical) - and in fact took over 3 months to get really better, although there was a gradual and noticeable improvement in S's movement, the mental scars were still in evidence from our long conversations after our son went to bed (the only time we had anytime to ourselves!)
I mention all of the above in way of contextualising the problem we have now.
I work away abroad a lot and for three months after our son's birth I didn't travel, but in the last month had to travel for 2 weeks. Just before I went 'S' started getting a recurrance of 'headaches' (actually tightening of the head/ scalp. Around three years ago she bumped her head twice in 2 days in the gym and ending up getting numbness in her face. This all cleared up eventually but she has always worried about it.
While I was away. the problem resurfaced, and S became obsessed that she had a brain tumour, that she was going to die, who would look after her son, coupled with an ongoing realisation of her mortality (understamdably, given the birth experience - having never been in hospital before for anything prior to our boy's birth - healthy person!)
She went to the Dr's - blood tests revealed nothing, although one needs redoing because of a slightly odd results (put down to her post pregnancy body settling). Despite this reassurance from the Dr that there was nothing to worry about this test being out, as the others were fine. this magnified her worries, outlined above.
After I came back, S went to the Drs this week and saw a female GP and broke down in absoulte tears ----> the GP again stressed she had no concerns about head issues, and said BP, tests plus no visual disturance mean v. unlikely, and no numbness in body - but told her she thought 'S' had PND - and wanted to put her on anti-depressants - or think about it, and come back next week. I dont think 'S' believes she has PND, and keeps having panic attacks that she is going to die. Once I get her calmed down again, S seems to relax a bit, but says she cannoy stop obsessing about these thoughts and she thinks she is going mad. From reading around a little on this site and others, to be this seems like some of the hallmarks on PND.
My real worry is that in the next 7 weeks, i have to spend two x two week periods abroad (back for two weeks in between, where I am on leave for two weeks, and in work for 4 days, off for one day the other week), and I'm not there for her to talk to and reassure, help her and share things with, like we have always done - I have always been happy and willing to get up in the night where needed, do late bottles, early bottles, etc etc.
Does anyone else have experiences of this obsession with dying, and being terminally ill, and can anyone offer me any advice?
Many thanks
FND
We are the proud parents of a 4 month old boy - and until the last couple of weeks I thought we were doing pretty well - well, in fact, we are still doing well, its just I am becoming increasingly worried for my wife.
My wife 'S' has a good pregnancy - no problems at all other than water retention in the latter stages which affected her fingers. The birth however was very traumatic . Our boy arrvived via a ventose delivery, after 'S' suffered a sudden (and very lod) pubic separation during the final push, and 'S' went into understandable panic. After 'S' has been patched back together - she had an episiotomy, her vital signs dipped out and she went into shock - she had lost a lot of blood (this was too scarey for me - she was pretty much out of it). When the Drs stabalised the situation, they realised she had a tear in her cervix and they had to take her off to emergency surgery, leaving one very frightened and scared Dad with newborn son. Anyway, they managed to sort it all out, and thankfully 'S' was OK - within 36 hrs on a general maternity ward without tubes.
The pubic dysfuction was a huge mental problem for the first couple of weeks in particular (as well as physical) - and in fact took over 3 months to get really better, although there was a gradual and noticeable improvement in S's movement, the mental scars were still in evidence from our long conversations after our son went to bed (the only time we had anytime to ourselves!)
I mention all of the above in way of contextualising the problem we have now.
I work away abroad a lot and for three months after our son's birth I didn't travel, but in the last month had to travel for 2 weeks. Just before I went 'S' started getting a recurrance of 'headaches' (actually tightening of the head/ scalp. Around three years ago she bumped her head twice in 2 days in the gym and ending up getting numbness in her face. This all cleared up eventually but she has always worried about it.
While I was away. the problem resurfaced, and S became obsessed that she had a brain tumour, that she was going to die, who would look after her son, coupled with an ongoing realisation of her mortality (understamdably, given the birth experience - having never been in hospital before for anything prior to our boy's birth - healthy person!)
She went to the Dr's - blood tests revealed nothing, although one needs redoing because of a slightly odd results (put down to her post pregnancy body settling). Despite this reassurance from the Dr that there was nothing to worry about this test being out, as the others were fine. this magnified her worries, outlined above.
After I came back, S went to the Drs this week and saw a female GP and broke down in absoulte tears ----> the GP again stressed she had no concerns about head issues, and said BP, tests plus no visual disturance mean v. unlikely, and no numbness in body - but told her she thought 'S' had PND - and wanted to put her on anti-depressants - or think about it, and come back next week. I dont think 'S' believes she has PND, and keeps having panic attacks that she is going to die. Once I get her calmed down again, S seems to relax a bit, but says she cannoy stop obsessing about these thoughts and she thinks she is going mad. From reading around a little on this site and others, to be this seems like some of the hallmarks on PND.
My real worry is that in the next 7 weeks, i have to spend two x two week periods abroad (back for two weeks in between, where I am on leave for two weeks, and in work for 4 days, off for one day the other week), and I'm not there for her to talk to and reassure, help her and share things with, like we have always done - I have always been happy and willing to get up in the night where needed, do late bottles, early bottles, etc etc.
Does anyone else have experiences of this obsession with dying, and being terminally ill, and can anyone offer me any advice?
Many thanks
FND
