Well ajusted teenager

[Veritee]

I will start this off.

A couple of weeks ago someone remarked that my daughter was one of the nicest and well adjusted teenager she knew.

This had me walking on air.

When I remember the way I agonised about the damage I was scared I was doing to my daughter through having PND – I just can not believe how well she has turned out and how undamaged she is.

She has her issues as does everyone – she is very shy for one – but the fearful emotional damage I was sure would happen because of my illness did not happen.

People often remark about how helpful, well behaved and a joy to be with she is.

This gives me great joy and happiness – I must have done something right despite all!

[Lainey]

Dear Veritee

You must have felt so proud to hear that comment and why not. You have suffered a very traumatic illness and brought up a wonderful little girl!

I worried constantly that my little girl would suffer as a consequence of my illness but I have to say I have the most cheekiest, happiest little 15 month old girl who is confident, good natured and a dream sleeper. I have been through a really tough time as I'm sure every woman on this forum has and I am proud of what I have achieved with my daughter, as should every other person reading this.

I think this forum is an absolute credit to you Veritee. Just being able to talk to fellow sufferers who understand what you are talking about is brilliant. I don't really know what I would have done if I hadn't found this site and I mean that truly.

With best wishes to you.

Elaine
x

[gerik]

my ds is also a very positive credit to pni

he is 3 1/2 and very polite, sometimes boistrous, happy, highly intelligent and at last sociale young man !!

after 3 1/2 he gave his dummy (diddy) up last thursday after dentist told me his teeth were deformed; consequently i cried for the rest of the day!!! (pni never leaves !!) - but the dentist slaughtering me was negative and my clever son has turned it into a positive by dumping his diddy - he used to have it a lot !!

he also a month ago had a poo on pot & loo (the last time he did that was June 2003) and after a yr of poo in nappy now has 3/4 poos on loo a day !!

my mum used to say to me constantly when i was in the depths of despair that babies thrive because of us and not despite us - & she's soooo rite (as always!!)

geri xx

[Jane]

My son Liam who is 2 and a half is also very sociable. I'm so proud of him when I see him mixing with other kids. I have been reprimanded often by my nosey mother-in-law that I should be taking him to toddler group in fear that he will become socially incompetent. However sheltered he may be due to him not mixing often, it is clear that he possesses the social skills he needs. This is so apparent when I take him with me to the Doctors Surgery which is always heaving full of people. He will not rest until he has got a response from everybody, which makes me very smug, when I look at some of the others kids cowering behind their mothers. The other day a friend told me that Liam is the only child that she enjoys having in her house. Even smugger.

It just goes to show that having PNI doesn't rub off on your kids. I think that kids will be what they were meant to be, and I don't think that an unhappy mother equals unhappy kids. In fact my best friend's mum was schizophrenic and very ill. She is and always has been an exceptional person. She is successful, well balanced, popular - and the nicest person I have ever met. And although her mum passed away a few years ago, they had a very special relationship.

Love Jane

[Veritee]

I have a friend like you say. One of the most intelligent and - I know this will seem like a contradiction- most well adjusted person I know.

Having a mental illness like schizophrenic or what my friend has, bi-polar, what used to be known as manic depression does not actually mean you are necessarily unbalanced, etc. In fact my friend can cope with many things I can not, she is resourceful, capable and fun to be with and more than makes up for her occasional periods of illness and her child, a boy of 11 is totally OK, she has always put him first, he knows he is loved and she has always played with him, interacted with him etc.

However I will also say that there is some evidence that PNI can affect children, I am not sure about this and have never really gone into it and personally have not seen much evidence of this in children when they are older.

Deborah knows much more than me on this, she has done a lot of reading about it as it is one of her interests.
However if it can affect children it is not the direct result of the PNI itself at all, but the result of some things that may happen if you have PNI . For instance not interacting enough with your child, not showing physical love towards them etc

I always made sure I gave Caja lots of cuddles, and told her I loved her. I was not really up to playing with her at times but what I did as made sure others played with her as it does not have to be all down to you, as long as they get the stimulation from someone.

From my reading it is the amount of stimulation and interaction as well as physical touch and cuddles which seems to matter at least to young babies and children and this does not have to be from you.
One of the things I did was took Caja to a god nursery when I was working who did more than child minding but put a lot into the activities. I also always went to toddler group and then playgroup as much as I could - there were many times I could not face it but when I could I took her.
I really did not enjoy it but I did it for her so she could play and have stimulation. When my partner was home I relied on him to play with her, take her out and a girl who we once called my foster child – although it was quite unofficial – had had a child of her own a and she was not ill so she would play with my girl a lot,

Anyway I did do something right and I do not feel she has been affected and she is as well adjusted as the next teenager (and they are all a little strange!)

I am sure all your children will be fine as by seeking the support you need you are showing how much you do care and for me the biggest factor I feel in a child’s life is even if things are not good at that time - if they have the underlying knowledge that you do care and you are doing your best, whatever is going on for you, they will be able to cope in the end.

The other thing I will say is that it is never too late.
You many have times when you find the care and love of your child very difficult - but it will not always be like this and it is never to late to turn things around.

All the best


Veritee