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Hi
Mar 19, 2005 17:45:26 GMT
Post by scanna on Mar 19, 2005 17:45:26 GMT
My name is Anna, I'm 31 and live in Scotland, I have 2 sons Liam-8 and Mackenzie-1. I have suffered from PND right from the start of my second sons birth. I had never experienced it before and this has made it harder for me to understand. Then everytime I feel I'm getting better it starts again and I feel I'm never going to be back to my old self. My biggest fear is death and I have become very paranoid about every symptom I ever experience. I'm not sure why it starts but I had a traumatic delivery 2hrs to dilate 1hr pushing, no pain relief and then episiotomy and ventouse, baby in distress and taken away to begin with. I had a section the first time and had really wanted a natural birth and was quite unprepared for what happened. I have an extremely difficult relationship with my mother-in-law who undermines me and refers to the baby as hers all the time. They live 200 miles away and arrived unannounced after the birth, on the same day she made me so anxious I was readmitted to hospital as I felt so ill, it was aneamia which affected me badly. My first son is not her biological grandson and it shows. I've tried to get my husband to sort it but he can't or won't and this situation has in no way helped. My husband works away 3weeks at a time and this is very stressful for me, I can never relax. I've just applied to work part-time to see if this will help. I've tried counscelling but just fely patronised, the tablets only increase my anxiety and panic attacks. What else can I do? I feel very disappointed as I had always hoped for a larger family but could never put my family through this again. I've lost all confidence and life is mostly dark, I feel I look out of myself from a different place now. My Gran died last week and my husband's away, my family struggle to understand and I try to remain normal for their sake. It's been a relief to me to find this site and hopefully, I can get through this bad patch again without any medication. Too much to say I know but I think it will help me get it off my chest.
Thanks
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Mar 19, 2005 20:40:45 GMT
Post by time on Mar 19, 2005 20:40:45 GMT
Hi Anna and welcome to the site
Glad that you found us and hope that we can help, there are a great bunch of ladies on here all with different experiences and so i am sure that someone will be able to help. I am so sorry to hear about your Gran especially as your hubby is away at the moment poor you. As for your mother-in-law well i dont have much time for my mother-in-law after the way she has treated us. BUT saying that if i were you i would sit down with your hubby and explain ALL of your concerns and feelings and tell him that something has to be said to her, and well, if he wont do it then maybe you could concider having it out with her yourself.It is a big brave step i know but these are YOUR children and NOT hers and so you have every right to say what happens with them. My theory is that if i dont speak up for my children then no one will. I may be out of line saying all of this and i sincerly hope that i dont offend you. If i do then i am really sorry and by all means tell me to but out.
Anyway welcome once again
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Hi
Mar 19, 2005 21:05:32 GMT
Post by Veritee on Mar 19, 2005 21:05:32 GMT
Hello Anna
I am so glad you found us and I hope we can help.
My husband works away (he is a seaman – marine engineer) from between 4 weeks to 3 months at a time and has done before my child was born and all though and still does.
He is in Venezuela right now and I haven not even had a phone call from him for over 2 weeks as his ship is outside anything but radio communications ( they do not let the seamen use the shipping satellite except in emergencies)
It was because he was away working that was part of the reason ( the other was my career) I did in fact work all through my PNI half time as for much of the time it provided me with that much needed break from looking after my child.
If I was working I could legitimately pay someone else to do it for a few hours and had the money to do this. I love my child - and always did - more than I can say , but when I had PNI I had to get away form the role of mum.
As not having my husband at home most of the time - this was the only way I could have this break. But working also brought with it , its own stresses I had a difficult birth too so I hope we can be of help to you.
I did not actually take any medication - although I do think this has to be an individual path and I STONGLY urge those who feel they can take Anti Ds to do so as it does seem to short cut the illness and help you to cope while you have it - so I got through 3 years of severe PNI and another couple of years until I felt quite normal, with no pharmaceutical help.
So if this is what you want to try I trust we can we can help you through this.
You can never say too much on here, I always write loads and whatever you write will help someone, yourself or a reader of your words.
All the best
Veritee
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Hi
Mar 19, 2005 23:42:19 GMT
Post by annag on Mar 19, 2005 23:42:19 GMT
hello anna had to reply a I am also 31 and my name is anna. I live in lancs however and have 3 boys so we cannot be so confused. Bit tired now but would love to speak to u more. welcome to the forum
Anna
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Hi
Mar 20, 2005 10:45:24 GMT
Post by scanna on Mar 20, 2005 10:45:24 GMT
Thank you for your relpies, it's very reassuring to know that there are women out there who understand and care, when I gave birth last year 4 other friends also had babies and luckily for them they never experienced PND and when I was in the worst times they couldn't understand and just commented on how 'different a mother I was the first time and just took it all in my stride then' I think this made me feel even more useless at the time. I just wish to say I love my boys more than anything in the world, it is hard work especially on your own but I would not change what has happened. I do iintend to speak to my mother-in-law but wether she hears what I'm saying is another matter, my husband does not want to offend and neither do I but I can't take much more of her comments. When I told her I had this illness, she told me I don't appreciate what I have and take things for granted, I think she is just of a different generation who do not undertand PND, my own mother is slightly better. I have worked full-time for 14 years and this has put a lot of pressure on us, as I start part-time soon I hope to give the boys a better home life, more organised and less stressful.....
Thanks for listening Take care Anna
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rach
Full member
Posts: 145
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Hi
Mar 20, 2005 21:54:29 GMT
Post by rach on Mar 20, 2005 21:54:29 GMT
hi anna
nice to see another fine lady has found the site, i live in the north east and my in laws are from glasgow and have very much the same opinon of yours mine told me to pull meself together and to get on with it after all we have it so easy she had 4 boys and they didn't have disposable nappys and sterilizers etc etc , and she worked full time.
unfort i have also spoken to my husband about his mum but find that he will never do anything to upset her, luckly we do not see to often, i imagine that you must be lonely with hubby wking away.
i hope you feel better and that you can sort yourself out
love rach
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Mar 21, 2005 7:14:17 GMT
Post by scanna on Mar 21, 2005 7:14:17 GMT
Hi Rach
I live in the North East too and my in-laws are from Glasgow! Is there an East/West difference going on here do you think? At times I'm grateful for the distance between us but at other times I think it may not have become such a stressful situation if we were more familiar with each other. Who knows, just got to keep trying I suppose.
Anna x
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collette
Senior Member
Jacob will be a year on the 1st September!!
Posts: 248
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Hi
Mar 21, 2005 8:19:52 GMT
Post by collette on Mar 21, 2005 8:19:52 GMT
hi anna i too am from scotland. I live in a large village called Newmilns in East Ayrshire.
I had a similar birth experience to you, except mines lasted 9 hours in total.
I just wanted to welcome you to this site. It has been a lifeline for me and you can say whatever you are feeling and not be judged.
Look forward to hearing more from you.
Lol Collettex
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Jane
Full member
The Long Time Sufferer I'm 38, had pni for 6 yrs & I have 2 gorgeous boys age nearly 4 & 6
Posts: 131
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Mar 22, 2005 14:50:39 GMT
Post by Jane on Mar 22, 2005 14:50:39 GMT
Hi Anna, So glad you've found us and hope you find the support you need from all the girls on the site. I can relate to so much of what you say & lots of other woman will do too! I noticed on your reply you're starting part time work, I was full time in a pretty stressful job but went part time a few years ago & it has made a big difference. I've suffered with PNI now for 6 yrs although I do feel I'm getting there!! I still take meds & I call them my wobbly times but they are less severe now than when I started with my 1st boy. I can also relate to your problems with your mother-in-law, only mine is with my mother! She undermines both myself & my partner & as far as she is concerned, she has never seen me as THE MOTHER, but still her daughter. It drives me crazy. I'm not a child anymore I'm approaching 40 but she seems to think she is in charge & its so frustrating. Its got even worse since I lost may father last year. Anyway, I won't go on about me. Welcome & look forward to hearing from you Love Jane xx
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rach
Full member
Posts: 145
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Hi
Mar 23, 2005 2:38:15 GMT
Post by rach on Mar 23, 2005 2:38:15 GMT
hi anna
def divide, mime does not care much for "the english" and has a constant "must be an english thing" phrase i keep telling her we cannot be that bad as 2 of her 4 sons married north east girls and 3 no longer live in glasgow!!!
hope your keeping alright and hope that your well i;m near durham what about you.
luv rach
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Hi
Mar 23, 2005 9:40:52 GMT
Post by scanna on Mar 23, 2005 9:40:52 GMT
Oops Rach, my mistake I must have lost even more brain cells than I thought, I live in the North East of Scotland! Although I think this is still a problem for my mother-in-law who refers to my family as 'cheucters' ie. country bumpkins and we live in the middle of a city and while they live on an island! I'm trying so hard to make it work but I don't believe I can change her opinion of me now. We used to get on so well until I married her son and we had a baby (she didn't want us to, it had to be when she decided it was best for us!) I think she is just a bit jealous and tries to over compensate with the boys for the amount of distance between us. When I was expecting she bought us a video camera (nice I know) but as a surprise so we could video the baby all the time and send them to her, I felt it wasn't appropriate as she phoned my parents first to tell them what she had bought incase they felt her presents were better than theirs. I would love to share my children with a big loving family but when I've been made to feel so inadequate and unworthy of her son it's hard for me to let her share in the good times. My anxiety around her is unbelievable and she just zaps my energy. I think she had a hard time with her mother-in-law and is now taking her revenge which is not fair on me, all we did was marry and have kids nothing else!
Anyway blabbed on a bit now sorry.
Take care Anna x
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