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Hello
Mar 31, 2005 10:48:01 GMT
Post by Lianne on Mar 31, 2005 10:48:01 GMT
Hi I have just found your website. I have 2 boys - the youngest 8 months and the eldest 3 years. I think I am suffering from PND - though it has taken me some time to come to realise / accept this. I am not bad 100% of the time - I have good days when I can get lots done, go out and see friends, average days when I just can't motivate myself and bad days when I feel really low, really alone, want to scream or cry or both. I did not suffer with PND after my first son's birth - in fact I had a great time and was lookind forward to feeling the same again after my second son's birth. I feel robbed of that happiness.
I have not yet gone to see my gp as I keep hoping that this depression with pass but it does not seem to. I have made an appointment to go next week - I hope I don't bottle out and cancel - I did this already once.
My husband is kind but does not really understand what I need - I think he too keeps on just hoping that this time will pass. I try to tell him how I feel and what help I need and often I end up in a terrible state but he doesn't say much (though he sometimes gets angry with me) and just goes off to work the next day as if nothing had happened - I guess he is finding it too difficult to cope with also.
I had a pretty traumatic birth and have not had much help from family since then, my mother-in-law who lives close by but tends to concentrate her efforts on her daughter's family - they have just had another baby (no.3), I don't think she would understand my illness. My own mother lives far away and is caring for my sick father so I can't and don't want to burden her, anyway we are not that close that I could speak to her about this.
I haven't been able to tell any of my friends or family about this - I feel somehow ashamed and anyway many of them have their own problems to deal with. I put on a brave face whenever I see people or else just don't go out when I am low.
I feel that I have lost myself.
It sounds terrible but I would just love to have a holiday away from everybody and everything on my own, to see some beautiful sights, feel warm weather and to try to become optimistic and me again. But I feel guilty thinking these thoughts.
Sorry for such a pitiful introduction - that is the worst bit about this illness - I used to be such an upbeat and optimistic person.
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Hello
Mar 31, 2005 11:08:26 GMT
Post by bam02 on Mar 31, 2005 11:08:26 GMT
Hello Lianne,
I am new here too. But my second child Sarah is 2 1/2 and I still have bad times. I am trying to get help again as I did near her birth and belive me. The help was great - but I guess my probs go nd on. Due to other iilhealth.
But if you can get to your G.P I would. I am 40 and have a10 year old too-with autistic spectrum disorder and I use to work until last year. So I feel fel a bit lost a lot of the time.
Any way Welcome aboard. I only joined three days ago and trying to find my way around. Now I am addicted - must must do some house work. Whilst my little girl is at day nursery she goes one day a week . My son is in his room, School holidays !
Any way. may not been much help - but had to say hello!!
love
Anne-marie
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rach
Full member
Posts: 145
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Hello
Mar 31, 2005 20:36:54 GMT
Post by rach on Mar 31, 2005 20:36:54 GMT
hi lianne
pleased you found us, i have been coming here for a few weeks now and have found the ladies here great,.
i too was ashamed to tell people of my illness and after my son was born i told my hv not to worry as i would not let myself get pni, needless to say it was a while before i sought help howver i found my hv karen a great help and she has held my hand through most of it, also my gp and now i see the community mental health team.
i dont think i really believed there was such a thing as pni as when i worked and before ethan my son i thought it was somthing people said just to have time off, i think this was why i had such a hard time believing i was ill.
any way i still have good and bad days and have been on a number of anti-dep and find these do help.
sorry for going on hope you find the site as helpful as i have and i wish you luck for the doctors.
take care
love and hugs rach
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Hello
Apr 1, 2005 8:05:16 GMT
Post by Lianne on Apr 1, 2005 8:05:16 GMT
Anne-Marie and Rach thanks for your kind words and thoughts - just being able to speak to other women with this condition and being able to put down my thoughts in writing lifted my mood yesterday enough to get me out of the house and play with my sons.
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Hello
Apr 1, 2005 8:50:52 GMT
Post by Veritee on Apr 1, 2005 8:50:52 GMT
Hi Lianne Welcome to the forum, we hope that we can support you here. Please feel free to start a thread on the main board or answer others. There is a thread on there at the moment that is about hiding the fact you have PNI to the world - which may help a bit. click here: veritee.proboards7.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&n=1&thread=1154And I think there are a few women on here at the moment who have more than one child did not have it with the others and have PNI with their last. I only had one child and had PNI so this is all I know of being a new mum but it must be particularly shocking and hurtful when you have experienced how joyful having a new baby can be. I have a real sense of loss even now 15 years later about the happiness myself and my child missed. I am not sure that you can ever get this back, but I am long recovered from PNI - when she was 3 I felt loads better and felt entirely better by another 18 months 2 years - and we have since had many good times together and she is a happy and ‘normal’ teenager – if there is such a thing as a normal teenager? All the best for now Veritee
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Hello
Apr 1, 2005 20:37:53 GMT
Post by monica on Apr 1, 2005 20:37:53 GMT
Hello Lianne
Welcome! I hope you find this site useful - it was really a lifesaver for me to find other people who felt as I did and do.
Much of your story echos fine. I was fine after my first child but this PNI has only hit me after my second.
Your feelings of wanting to escape are just like mine and the guilt - I'd feel like a bad mum for having these thoughts but now I've come to the conclusion that it's simply as I find life so hard to cope with and it doesn't make me a bad mum.
Good luck with your GP. You've taken the first step in the right direction by admitting there's a problem. I waited too long thinking things would go away but they didn't, so well done.
Monica
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rach
Full member
Posts: 145
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Hello
Apr 1, 2005 23:20:29 GMT
Post by rach on Apr 1, 2005 23:20:29 GMT
hi
pleased it made you feel better, hope your still feeling it.
hang on in its gonna get better
love and hugs rach
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Carmen not logged in
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Hello
Apr 2, 2005 6:30:22 GMT
Post by Carmen not logged in on Apr 2, 2005 6:30:22 GMT
Hi Lianne
Please please go to your GP. You sound so much like I was. I didnt have PNI with my first either and found it difficult to accept that I could have PNI with my second. I thought I had everything but PNI!
I didnt go to my GP until I was so desparate and was sure she would tell me I was dying. That was when my bub was 15+ months. He is now 21+ months and although I am still on the AD's I am back to my old self once again. If I had of gone to the GP in the beginning I'm sure I would be well and truely off the AD's by now.
I also used to have that feeling of just wanting to get away from everyone and everything. But someone once told me on this site that even if I did, the PNI would still be there. It doesnt make any difference where you are, PNI is an illness like any other. My sister is a perfect example of this. When she had PNI she went on a holiday to Fiji without her 2 boys. She was expecting to have a fantastic holiday but found she was miserable and missing her boys the whole time!
Let us know how you go with your GP. And come and chat whenever you need it - it really does help.
Take Care Love Carmen
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Jane
Full member
The Long Time Sufferer I'm 38, had pni for 6 yrs & I have 2 gorgeous boys age nearly 4 & 6
Posts: 131
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Hello
Apr 2, 2005 19:04:11 GMT
Post by Jane on Apr 2, 2005 19:04:11 GMT
Hi Lianne, Glad you've found us hun, you're not alone! I've not been a member for long & the girls have been great. Someone has always experienced or is experiencing the thoughts & feelings that you are now, it's normal & you'll find all the help & support you need hun, honestly. Sometimes its nice to get everything off your chest, it helps to talk than to not talk at all. Anyway take care & post soon, Love Jane xx
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Hello
Apr 6, 2005 11:37:58 GMT
Post by time on Apr 6, 2005 11:37:58 GMT
Hi Lianne
Hi and welcome to the site, i hope you find it usefull there are a lovely bunch of ladies on here.
When i had pni for the first time i didnt tell anyone until afterward for the fear that someone would try to take my baby away. i later learnt that these were irrational fears and that people would actually try and help me not penalise me.
I have had pni off and on now for 4 years (i have had three children in the space of 3 years) and so i know what it is like. Luckily i have a wonderful family support network who help me through my bad times which i have to say come and go.
Anyway it does get better it just takes time
Take care Time
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Carmen
Senior Member
2 boys - 5 and 23 months - recovered(but still on AD's)
Posts: 484
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Hello
Apr 14, 2005 3:08:41 GMT
Post by Carmen on Apr 14, 2005 3:08:41 GMT
Hi Lianne
I just wondered how you are?? I hope youre doing OK.
Take Care Love Carmen
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rach
Full member
Posts: 145
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Hello
Apr 25, 2005 22:40:27 GMT
Post by rach on Apr 25, 2005 22:40:27 GMT
hi hun hope your ok
you know where all here if you need us, i hope that things have brighted up for you and thats why you havn't been on for a while
anyway thinking of you love rach
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