SarahO
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Feb 24, 2004 12:13:18 GMT
Post by SarahO on Feb 24, 2004 12:13:18 GMT
Hi
Im Sarah, Im 23 and I have a beautiful daughter who is now 1, I work and have a loving partner, but no matter how idea my situation may seem to some friends im never happy. Ive lost a good friend over it recently as she said I was being selfish and "miserable" but its hard to explain to people who are not in the same position how youre being cut up inside with terrible thoughts when your baby cries. All my thoughts seem to revolve round how many different ways my baby can be hurt or how i can hurt her, and it scares me that I can think this way. Id never do anything to hurt her, but the fact that I can imagine myself throwing her against the wall when she cries really upsets me and has a knock on effect with my well being. I am constantly miserable and my partner finds it hard to understand. I dont want to end up pushing him away and i dont want to loose any more friends. I have just this week been to the doctor who told me to try st johns wort before she put me on the anti depressants. I know nothing about anti depressants or st johns wort and was hopeing for advice- is it helpful? i dont expect miracle cures, but Id like to be able to get my smile back! A friend told me not to go onto anti depressants if possible- but if they help then I should consider it as an option shouldn't i? I just feel very alone and scared. I used to be such a happy person, but now everyone just comments on how miserable i am!
Sarah x
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Feb 24, 2004 16:22:21 GMT
Post by claire on Feb 24, 2004 16:22:21 GMT
sarah
there are lots of women on this site who are going through what you are, it does sound like classic post-natal depression, especially the frightening thoughts that go with it which you describe. it sounds like you have been given no real advice as to what post-natal depression actually is, and you are also getting unhelpful advice from "friends" - maybe these frineds have no experience of this so just don't understand. You say you have recently lost a friend over this - she plainly has no idea what PND is or how you are suffering.
You don't suffer from PND because you are a bad mother, or don't love your child, or cannot cope with being a parent - that's all rubbish. don't ever sit there and think "i have no excuse, what is my problem?" it is an illness which 1 in 9 women suffer from varying degrees after childbirth.
i did myself so much damage by thinking i was a failure by having it, by thinking exactley what i said above " what is my excuse? i'm not a single parent, i have a nice home, i'm not a victim of abuse, i have a fully supportive partner" - i had excuses and reasons coming out of my ears, and yet i was very badly depressed, i like you, and like so many others, had these awful intrusive and dsiturbing thoughts entering my head, particulalry at stressful times. it's all part and parcel of this illness and you will get better, as i have.
There is a lot of stigma and ignorance around when it comes to anti-depressants, and that included me. i have had no previous experience of any kind of depression, and i thught that to take them was some kind of admission that i was weak, that i had failed to do this "on my own", and that i was now "one of those people" you read about. now i've come to realise that it's an illness like any other - if you had a broken leg (i've used this analogy many times now!) you wouldn't say "you know what? i'll see how i go on without the cast, and while you're at it, hold on the crutches too" - you just wouldn't, but when it comes to treatment for the mental health side of things, people tend to be horrified at the thought. i finally went for treatment when my daughter was 15 months old, and for me, although i was very reluctant to do so, deciding to take the anti-depressants was the best decision i ever made. it's the chemical in the brain, serotonin, which the body stops making after childbirth sometimes, which is a big cause of PND. the tablets simply put it back. Yes the first couple of weeks i felt mauseous, the first week i felt very tired and had trouble sleeping, but once that bit had passed, i felt my old self re-surface gradually. i wasn't "numbed", i didn't feel disconnected like i was afraid i would, i just felt "me" coming back, and that awful feeling of sadness and misery lift. i would really encourage you to try it. i haven't personally had experience of st johns wort but maybe others here have (any of you reading this who have, please chip in here??)
in addition to that, how do you get on with your health visitor? maybe speak to her, tell her you are new to all this and have been recently diagnosed - she may be able to point you towards a mum & baby group with other women feeling like you do that you can share with, and also for your husband to speak to your HV to so he can get a clearer understanding of what is happenning to you an dhow he can help you. Also, if you look at the "books" section on the left hand side here, there are a good few books which may help you too. At the end of the day you aren't alone, you must be terribly hurt over losing a friend, but it is clear that they had no understanding of PND and to be honest they don't sound particulalry supportive anyway! What i found helpful was to bring myself to tell my close circle of friends what i actually had, why there was this change in me, so they could understand why i wasn't myself (but you soon will be) - if they are true frineds, there is no way they will turn there backs on you when you need them most - and if they do, they weren't worth your gift of friendship.
Please keep us updated on how you are getting on,
Claire
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Feb 24, 2004 19:30:19 GMT
Post by Elaine on Feb 24, 2004 19:30:19 GMT
Hi Sarah
I totally agree with all the wise words written by Claire. PND is so misunderstood and because people don't understand it they tend to shy away from it and not want to get involved.
Everything you talk about regarding your awful thoughts are a sympton of PND. I too had these as have many of the girls on this website. Just reading their stories and knowing you are not alone is very reassuring.
I too was very against taking anti-d's as nothing was explained to me about how they worked and what they did. I was just given the tablets - end of story. But believe me, taking them was the light at the end of my gloomy, dark tunnel. Yes it does take time for them to kick in (usually between 3-4 weeks) but the lift they give you is what you need to get your spirits up. And once you start to feel brighter, the anxiety and bizzare thoughts start to fade.
I believe St John's Wort is helpful for depression. But I really believe PND needs more than just a herbal remedy from the Chemists (not saying that is the case for everyone of course) if it was that effective Doctors would not need to prescribe anti-d's. Don't feel ashamed of taking anti'd's, people take tablets for high blood pressure, angina, heart problems etc etc. PND is an illness and needs treatment on most occasions.
Keep posting here - you will get great comfort from this site - just knowing you are not alone will make you feel more positive.
Please keep in touch.
Best wishes
Love
Elaine x
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Feb 24, 2004 21:28:29 GMT
Post by deborah on Feb 24, 2004 21:28:29 GMT
Hi Sarah,
Everything the women have written in response to your situation is very true. Forget St John's Wort. The dose is so ''hit and miss' and it is not the right treatment for you. Change your GP. Find one who has training about Postnatal Illness and will refer you to a specialist in this area of medicine. You say your daughter is now 1 year old. Have you had these symptoms for a year? Can you remember when they first started? This is important as your GP/specialist in the area of PNI will want to know as this determines the type of treatment you may require. If you've felt this way for a year PNI will be a bit harder to treat. The only person who can fully determine this is a PNI specialist. There is usually one Mother & baby Centre in your area or if there isn't, ask your (new) GP to try another county around where you live. If you can't face doing this get your husband or someone you know and trust to do it for you. Your PNI needs real treatment and now if its gone on for a six months to a year, so make sure you see a specialist. Take care and good luck Deborah x
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SarahO
New Member
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Posts: 7
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Feb 25, 2004 10:59:19 GMT
Post by SarahO on Feb 25, 2004 10:59:19 GMT
Thankyou so much for the replies. Its funny cos although youre aware that PND affects millions of women, it still feels very lonley. I will go back to my GP as suggested and ask to try anti depressants. I think I do need that extra help. In reply to Deborah, i cant quite put a finger on when I started to feel this way, but I am pretty sure it was straight after the birth, I always wondered why I never felt overwhelmed when I held my baby for the first time- i remember feeling more like "So youre the little so and so thats been kicking my ribs for the past 2 months!" I am now fully aware I have pnd, and need help. I do have alot of support from my mother and other close friends. I will look for some books as suggested too for my partner to read.
again thank you very much for the suggestions and the support. Im really glad I found this web site now! I just needed to speak to people who know. as i said earlier, it feels very lonely sometimes.
Sarah x
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Feb 25, 2004 13:36:50 GMT
Post by deborah on Feb 25, 2004 13:36:50 GMT
Dear Sarah, i'm so glad you found the info useful! You must tell your doctor about the illness starting from birth as you really will need alot of help as i said as PNI gets a grip of you when its left for so long.
A couple of books i would recommend are: for a general overall read, not to heavy but informative-The NCT book of postnatal depression by health Welford. The second one is Cara Aitkin- Surviving postnatal depression- at home no-one hears you scream. Its a good book with some interesting information in it, case studies/stories and recommended advice to help you get well. All i would say is be careful when you read the mother's stories as they can make you feel worse if your feeling low or vunerable that day. Read them when you feel not so bad. Otherwise dip into the advice she offers. Its very good. I recommend both books to my group pf mums when they ask. I've bought alot of books about PNI for our library but those 2 i feel are the best for someone starting off and getting on their feet emotionally speaking. See if there are any groups for helping mums with PNI. Ask your Health Visitor or Council for Voluntary Service CVS in your area they will know of any run by a mum who has had PNI.
Best of luck Deborah xx
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Feb 25, 2004 14:03:27 GMT
Post by deborah on Feb 25, 2004 14:03:27 GMT
On reading my reply i should have put: NCT Book of postnatal deprssion by Heather Welford. Not health!!
deborah
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