WILL WE EVER FEEL NORMAL AGAIN?

[JANE LTS]

I JUST HAD TOO ASK IF THERE WAS ANYONE OUT THERE THAT HAS OVERCOME PND? THOSE OF YOU THAT HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH PND FOR YRS, DO YOU WISH YOU WERE THE PERSON YOU WERE BEFORE! I USED TO BE SUCH A FUN LOVING,LAUGH A MINUTE WOMAN. ALTHOUGH MY BOUTS ARE LESS FREQUENT, I DON'T KNOW IF THE MEDICATION HELPS (OTHER THAN THAT I FALL TO PIECES WHEN I TRY & COME OFF THE VALIUM) I WORK PART TIME NOW & TRY TO ACT LIKE THE PERSON I WAS, WHEN I KNOW I'M NOT REALLY! (IF THAT MAKES SENSE!) I SOMETIMES WONDER IF THERE IS AN IN BALANCE WITH MY HORMONES. I READ AN ARTICLE ESPECIALLY TO DO WITH THE LACK OF SEX DRIVE! & IT MENTIONED SOMETHING ABOUT TAKING TESTOSTERONE. I ASKED MY DOCTOR ABOUT TAKING THIS BUT THE SIDE EFFECTS COULD MEAN SHAVING REGULARLY!(I DIDN'T FANCY A BEARD SOMEHOW I DON'T THINK IT WOULD SUIT ME!) I AM HAPPY AT TIMES, THE BOUTS I MANAGE TO GET THREW WHEN THEY DESCEND,I LEAD A NORMAL LIFE AS MUCH AS I CAN BUT MY SEX DRIVE NEEDS A GOOD BOOST & TESTOSTERONE IS SUPPOSE TO HELP! THIS WOULD DEFINATELY MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO THE WAY YOU FEEL WHEN YOU CAN MAKE LOVE, ENJOY IT, & FEEL AT ONE WITH YOUR PARTNER, WHO IF HE IS LIKE MINE?SUFFERED WITH ME & WANTS THE WOMAN HE MET, BACK!

[wendabell]

jane,
Hi im still suffering im afraid.I thought i was doing good but as my hubby recently pointed out to me im not.
Yes my hubby is suffering too.Yes he too wants the person he first met back and to be honest i dont know why he sticks with me.We argue a lot but i dont know what about.He says i critisise him and i say he is patronising but each of us cant see our own faults.
Ive had this for quite a few years now i feel its part of my life.I want me back but i can hardly remember what i was like.
I too used to be fun loving and care free.I know becoming a parent does give you responcibilitys and does change you to some extent but but not this much surely.
SEX.....dont even mention that one too me. Fake a lot of the times just to make him happy but to be honest i just dont bother these days.Its like someone has removed that part of me physically
To be honest i thought now i was back on meds i was doing ok but i guess imjust functioning, coping,but not really feeling.I still get emotional over the stupidest of things.
Sorry this is turning more in to a rant for me and its not meant to i just wanted you to know that i have had this for some time too and i still dont feel me.May be it does take longer for some than for others.There are women out there that have got their lives back and enjoying again,i guess we just have to take time.You say your still on medication, so you still need that support at the moment.Dont be dishartned we will get there in time,its a great healer.
Have you tried councilling?
Please keep talking about it and dont bottle it up your not alone in these feelings.
Join us on the forum and have a chat if you need to you are more than welcome.
keep in touch
love wendy x.x.x

[Jane]

Hi Wendy,
Sorry, I've just seen your reply hun. I'm still trying to find my way around the site. You sound so similar to me & I suppose lots of others out there too.
I feel the same, & ask the same questions too, why aren't I ok yet! Others have recovered, so why not me?
I don't know if you've read a few of my posts yet (probably in the wrong place, yes my brain doesn't always function the way I tell it!)I have seen lots of people & found some helpful.
Reassurance that other people have made it helps, so I'm sure I/we will one day!
Thanks, & take care love Jane

[Veritee]

Hi Jane

I am recovered and over the course of running this forum (and 2 before on different servers ) I think I have known at least 200 women recover.

It is hard to keep a track on exactly how they are doing as it seems to be the way that as soon as people are totally on the road to recovery they leave the forum

- Not needing it anymore I guess and wanting to put the whole PNI thing behind them and get on with the rest of their lives.

I can totally understand this but would like - just so I knew how everyone was doing and really for research to confirm that everyone recovers (or if they did not it would be helpful to know this or what memories they are left with) - for women to come back a couple of years later and tell us how it has been for them, how their children are etc.

So yes in answer to your question, the general understanding is that everyone recovers from PNI and I would agree with this as so many I have spoken to running online support for PNI have.

We did have a bit of a debate as to whether for some having had it leaves stuff behind or changes you and I think every life experience changes you, so of course you may never be exactly the same just as you will be different after having a baby at all - but you do get better.

I have many things that changed for me because I had PNI and I can not be dishonest and say this has not affected me, but I no longer have PNI

Recovering from PNI does not mean though that if you had emotional or mental health or self esteem issues before you had PNI or things have happened since that these will go away too as this is separate from PNI.

But anyway, what I wanted to say is


I have known for certain that over 200 women have fully recovered from PNI and I would assume that the others who have been on this or the other forums have also, but as they left when they were recovered without telling us for certain than I just have to assume they are better - which I am sure is so.

I think that for most people PNI feels like it is forever when you are going through it but it is actually a very short time in your and your children’s lives, even if like some you get it with more than one baby so it lasts several years - but this is still not long in a whole lifetime and you will have many years ahead without PNI to enjoy your children and your life.

I had it for 3 years badly and about 4 to 5 years altogether ( I only had one child so only had it once) but I am now 53 – so what is 4/5 years really in a lifetime?

All the best

Veritee

[Jane]

Thank Veritee,
I know I've come along way since originally getting PND.
I also feel that its caused so many problems, ie relationship, I don't go out socialising anymore & haven't since my 1st (sad cow I know, I haven't quit the cigs though, thats my sanity!)
I call them bouts, or wobbbly times & they are'nt as frequent but other pressures of family life, & I lost my father last year too so I think these all contribute towards the time it takes to really feel you are free from it but I don't have the horrendous physical symptoms that I did in the early stage, so I am pleased bout that.
I'll get there & promise I won't disappear should or when I am "normal again".
Oh, I had to mention I replied to your e-mail, I hope u got it, I'm having problems sending them since changed server, but I do receive them? Strange I know,like me!
Take care love Jane

[Veritee]

Hi Jane

I think really I was saying the same as you are, except perhaps I am a few more years away from PNI than you are yet and PNI itself has gone from my life.

But it did leave me with a legacy - and I always have to be so careful when saying this as I have been criticised for being too negative and giving the impression that women do not get better form PNI, because for me it has had some ongoing consequences.
It is certainly the case that the majority of women do get better with no after effects and this is a positive for us all to know.

But if I say that it is always the case that women are always left with nothing that has changed adversely since PNI I feel I am being unfair to the few women, like you - and me - who have been left with issues from having PNI.

In my case what I have been left with is a bit like you describe. In the past when thinks in my life got difficult while I would recognise their difficulty but it would not make me feel emotionally rocky.

But since PNI, I like you can then tend to have what you call 'wobbly' times.

I get through them OK but they seem to happen because I no longer have the resilience and confidence in my core self that I had before.
The innate belief that I am OK, an OK person whatever happens.

My critics have suggested that this is because I already had emotional issues before PNI and it is these that I am feeling when I wobble and I am sure this may be right.

But while I say that I am sure this may be true but these issues before PNI were long solved as I was 39 when I had my child and had in the meantime worked successfully for over 20 years as a youth worker, group worker counsellor with young people and had lots of therapy, counselling myself as if you do this work you have to have ongoing supervision and therapy to make sure you to not project your own issues onto those you work with.

I am therefore certain that without PNI I would never have had these wobbles.

Having said this - as time goes on it happens less and take much more to trigger them.

I am just getting over a major wobbly now but it was triggered by a major adverse life change, a nasty accident and being bedridden and in and out of hospital for almost a year and now being permanently disabled.

Enough to wobbly anyone I think?

So even if you are like me and not recovered with no after affects I know as time goes on this will happen less and baring accidents as I had - this for you will also eventually be in the past as it is for most others.

As for sex - this is absolutly fine.

I used to feel sexually dead when I had PNi and if anyone said I would desire it and participate in it egerly agian, I would never have beleved you, but it is fine.

However I will point out that some Meds ir some SSIRs have this side effect.

All the best

Veritee

[Jane]

Thanks Veritee,
You're quite right in what you say. The job that I do can be stressful at times & was in the beginning 11yrs ago & staff were never helped mentally with things we had to deal with physically & mentally. Although, I did go out & socialise, feel confident & was a different bubbly Jane then! PNI has definately changed me!
Anyway thankyou for your post & I'm sorry I didn't know about your accident, you really are an inspiration.
Thanks love Jane x

[Jane]

I think if I could eventually get off the meds, dropped one already carbomazepine. Still taking lofepramine but sometimes wonder if I really need it? Its the valium thats the body blower, I know it'll take time too come off it but I'm scared of falling apart. I've dropped my doses before & crumbled, just a wreck!!! Couldn't be left alone or even change nappy! Its awful & it scares me!.
Love Jane x

[rach]

hi jane

hope your ok, unfort we have to keep plodding on, i hve the same problem with sex and this is causing a major prob in our marriage, i have absoul no want for sexual contact and would like to have the cuddles and hugs and kisses but my hubby thinks this means sex.

before i fell preg my hubby said i was diff more fun, but is this due to the demands of motherhood

i don't know ?

sorry to hear that you lost your dad and thankyou for your honesty

luv rach

[Jane]

Thanks Rach,
Like you say, I just take one day at a time, thats all we can do. I've found the forum so helpful, you find that someone is or has gone through something that you are having to deal with at that particular time. The support is great.
I know what you mean when you say you just want a cuddle from your partner, we've had so many talks about the way we both feel he says he does understand that a cuddle for me doesn't mean I want sex, but for some reason in my head it stirs up the thought of sex so I am guilty of then pushing him away (silly I know)
I've had quite a few blows, like losing my dad that hasn't been easy. I felt myself slipping back when I lost him, we were so close, but I'm managing to deal with this now. I told my boys he was a star in the sky now, (difficult trying to explain to a child who doesn't really understand) I find myself talking to the brightest star sometimes at night, believing that its my dad & the boys will shout there's grandad, mummy!! Sorry for babbling on Rach, I don't want to depresss you anymore hun!
How long have you sufferedwith PNI babe?
Anyway you take care Love Jane x