In recovery and still waiting..

[smiley]

Hiya

Just needed to talk to someone about how been feeling lately. I am in recovery and still waiting for some up days/hours. Although I am functioning normally on a daily basis I still suffer pni symptoms ie anxiety, feeling down, headaches, exhaustion and nausea throughout the day. I also still have really bad thoughts.

I just cant take this anymore and cant feel positive about there being a light at the end of the tunnel. My normal life feels so out of reach. I have an appointment for counselling next week but feel there is no point. I sometimes wonder if I will feel myself again or always be ill.

Sorry to feel miserable but I cant take this living hell anymore. I feel alone, wierd and evil.

Smiley

xxxx

[winegirl]

Hi Smiley

I felt like this not so long ago. But I did eventually have the odd good hour, and the odd good day, now I am having the odd good days. It does get better hun, honest!

Counselling sounds like a good idea, I bet you will find it beneficial. Please go to the appt and let us know how you get on.

Always here when you need to chat x

Winegirl x

[Scarlet]

Smiley,

Like Winegirl says it really does get better with time. It can seem never ending at the moment because you are taking two steps forward and then a setback (blip) hits you just when you thought you were going forward, and you take a step back. During these down times we always forget what good progress we've made, and we feel like we haven't gone any further at all....but we have, it's just our thoughts are so muddled that we can't think positive.

You WILL get your normal life back, even though it seems out of reach at the moment, and you will learn to ride out these down-times until they disappear altogether. I know it's difficult to believe this, I was sceptical as well when others told me I would be well again. You won't be like this forever and each day no matter how hard it seems to get through, is a step closer to full recovery.

Thinking of you hun, whenevr you need to ask anything, or maybe vent your frustrations with this damn illness, or just for a friendly chat or a shoulder to share your thoughts/cry on, we are here for you Smiley

Love and hugs

Scarlet
X

[monica]

Hi smiley

Like theother girls have said I too can remember thinking I would never see the light at theend of the tunnel but things do get better and they will for you. I know though that when your'e in that dark place it's so hard to feel positive. It's also the lonliest place on the planet.

Sorry but can't remember if you've said but how long have you felt like this for? Are you getting any support or help? That canhugely aid recovery. Counselling sounds liek a good idea. I Had it severalmonths ago and it straightened out a few issues for me and the cunsellor gave me techniques to try and stop negative thinking/bad thoughts.

How has today been for you?

Monica

[smiley]

Hi girls

Thanks so much for your supportive replies. I know I really need to believe that I will get better but its hard. I love my baby so much and hate myself for these horrid obsene thoughts I have about him. I am just so worried that I will never stop having these bizzare thoughts some of them are sexual and violent. I hate them but cant stop them. Do these thoughts ever go away?

Monica I have felt like this for 5 months now and I know I am getting better but I am frustrated that itas not happening fast enough and also scared it wont happen at all.

I also scared of owning upto all this to a stranger next week. I keep thinking why has this happened to me? Your replies give me hope..

Thanks

Smiley

[Scarlet]

Hiya Smiley,

I had them as well, in fact they are one of the most disturbing parts of PNI imo...but they do go away hun, I promise you. They get less intense as time moves on, and you become more able to dismiss them. Soon they will flow in and out and you won't react in the same way, & they won't be so significant and you won't get anxious about them. You gotta believe me hun, this is the way it works. I was sceptical as well ~ but it's true.

I know you want to recover quicker, I did too but five months is a short time hun. It took me around 10 months to accept my illness fully and after 16 months I can truly say that I see the light. This'll be you soon, it will.

I hope you are reassured a little bit. Keep talking, that's what helped me enormously and also getting out an about.

Hugs

Scarlet
X

[smiley]

Thanks guys.. It is frustrating when your hopes are dashed every morning that you are not better. Its hard to keep strong but I know I have to do that. I have to keep remembering that this is not the real me and that its the illness making me react and behave like this. I just want to feel happy and normal. I know I will get there. Thanks for your reassurances that the thoughts will leave my head! Will they go away totally though or still come back from time to time?

Cheers for your advice

Smiley

[scarlet not logged]

Smiley,

Until you are fully recovered they will perhaps come back when you have a blip. But once you have fully recovered, they will be history.

Hugs

Scarlet
X

[winegirl]

Hi Smiley

Scarlet is exactly right, you will prob start to feel better then have a blip and wonder if you are going downhill again, but then the blips will become less and less then eventually disappear altogether. Just need to hang in there mate xxx

Winegirl x

[cheshire]

Hi Smiley

The blips get harder- the more well you become, but it will get better

Hopefulx

[monica]

Hi

how are you? I udnerstand your frustration as it does take a while to recover and it is normal to have blips during that recovery period. But the blips do get fewer and less intense as time goes on. I'm sure you will become a stronger person out of this experience too but when you're suffering that's the last thing on your mind.

Take care

Monica

[winegirl]

Hi Smiley,

How are you doing today? Thinking of you x

Winegirl x