Pni.. why?

[smiley]

Does anyone ever get to the bottom of why they got pni? Do you ever get an answer as to why you got it?

smiley

[Bobyn]

I wish there was an answer - it would make things easier and then you might feel that there was a way of 'fixing' things so as it wouldn't happen again! The first time round I'd not tackled lots of issues with my own family and upbringing and had just moved to a new town so had no friends in the area. Plus my OH and I had only been together 3 months when we feel pregnant with Freya - proof that it really does only take once for some of us to conceive! I thought that this time I wouldn't get it as I had addressed all of the 'reasons' for the PNI the first time. I was so wrong... but it is easier this time round as I'm only tackling the PNI, not the other issues as well.
Sorry that sounds so long winded but basically 'nope there's seems to be no rhyme or reason as to why we get this horrible illness'. Guess we're just lucky

[monica]

Hi

I think I basically ran myself into the ground. During pregnancy I had this really strong nesting instinct and our place was spotless (not like me at all). I wanted to be this super woman but with two kids I just couldn't do it and over time got unhappier and also more run down due to lack of sleep and relaxtion.

I didn't get PNi after my first but I did sleep so much more - maybe that's got a lot to do with it in my case.

What about you Smiley?

Monica

Monica

[Bobyn]

Monica - you're so right, the sleep bit definitely has an impact on how I feel day to day.

Smiley - do you think there was anything specific that contributed to you getting PNI? Hope you're having a good weekend.

[Scarlet]

Hi Smiley,

I know exactly why I got PNI. This pregnancy was particularly difficult, had to bed rest for 3 months and had always been active and independant, so it reduced me to being totally dependent and at the mercy of my hubby, who worked long hours and didn't suport me emotionally. I have no-one else as both my parents are gone and my family are very far away.

I had placenta previa and was bleeding every day for 3 months and I worried lots as I had too much time on my hands and only a portable TV for company. This coupled with the fact that I had absolutely no-one, my house was a pigsty and my 10 year old was having to make me sandwiches and bring them to my bed, and also me and hubby were constantly bickering.

I worried about the health of our baby continually, and hubby said some very mean things to me, which I still find difficult to forgive him for. After one evening where we had an argument my mind just flipped because I realised I'd become dependent on a man who didn't give a toss about my emotional wellbeing really, and this was the start of my downfall ~ I was 7 months pregnant.

Before this episode, I would have quite happily gone and lived on my own, but I was so vulnerable emotionally and insecure and I lost all my confidence, and to this day I still have not got it fully back. I guess I found a vulnerability in myself that I never realised was there

Scarlet
X

[smiley]

Hi

I am still not sure and as I suppose like with all others pni was totally unexpected and out of the blue.

I had a fantastic pregnancy and this baby was much wanted (alittle too much - I had to wait 3 years before my partner agreed). So I had this huge expectation of myself to get it right. I was relentless in setting high standards for myself by choosing the right baby stuff, having the right labour etc..

Baby came early, contractions started evening I finished work - huge shock to system, felt overwhelmed with visitors and changing family relationships. Sleep deprievation was a killer and the sheer torture of the hard work involved in looking after a newborn took its toll. I think childhood issues started to come in at a later stage.

This is all just guess work and I wish there was real answers out there. Yes I agree that all the above is alot for one person to take and can accept that a person can feel depressed because of it but the sheer emotional and mental breakdown I suffered was phenomenal and something I could not even dream of happening.

Visions, hallicinations, panic attacks, severe palpitations, headaches, paranoia, slipping in and out of reality while in conversation, repeated complusive thoughts, severe sexual anxiety and exhausation are just some of the symptoms I went through..

Is that what happens when your body and mind shut down completely?

Why does it happen to some mothers and not others who may experience the same pressures in those early months? Does that make me a weaker person or was I an easier target somehow?

Smiley

[Scarlet]

Visions, hallicinations, panic attacks, severe palpitations, headaches, paranoia, slipping in and out of reality while in conversation, repeated complusive thoughts, severe sexual anxiety and exhausation are just some of the symptoms I went through..

Is that what happens when your body and mind shut down completely?

I believe it is and it sounds very much like the mental breakdown I experienced as well.

Why does it happen to some mothers and not others who may experience the same pressures in those early months? Does that make me a weaker person or was I an easier target somehow?

I don't think this makes you a weaker person at all. I have been on both sides of the coin as I didn't have PNI with my eldest who is now 10, but this time the circumstances were different for me and my life had become much more complicated, and so I guess fitting in a baby as well as the other stress, threw me over the edge.

I found this nice article, a bit long...but interesting

www.depressiondialogues.ie/custom38/

[Bobyn]

Smiley - just wanted to say you are not a weaker person or an easier target for getting PNI! From what I've read of you you're a great person and you've just got PNI which is horrible. I remember saying something similar to my HV about PNI and she said to me that if I feel over in the street and broke my leg and needed help to look after my baby it wouldn't make me a weak person, just an unfortunate Mum who loved their baby and wanted the best for them. It helped me to realise that I didn't bring PNI on myself and that it was ok to ask for help (although somedays I've my own worst enemy and hide the worst bits from my OH and friends!).
So never think this is all your fault in some way Smiley. xx

[2karen]

Why? beats me, I have 5 kids and didnt get till the last one, I thought I was a pro at this child raising thing, I had a difficult pregnancy (bed ridden for a lot of it) and she was born prem after me getting pre eclampsia, I was ok until she came home and my husband went back to work full time, then I started having panic attacks, bad palpitations, nausea, hot flushes, thought I was dying, etc, couldn't think straight, fuzzy head and vision, wanted to adopt my daughter out to someone who could look after her, cause I didnt want to, (glad I didnt cause I love her to bits) but I think I'm coming out the other end now, she is 8 mths old, and I'm hoping I dont have a relapse which I have had before, I dont take anything for granted anymore, and am getting out and enjoying myself, cause for 6 mths I was scarred something terrible was going to happen to me and it stopped me from doing things, its a horrible illness but we will all get though it eventually, hugs to everyone, Karen

[nicolad]

Hi all

For me, there were I think two main factors in my developing PNI. First, my father-in-law is sick with cancer - he started his treatment the day I had my second daughter.

Secondly, I have had a niggling pain in my right hand side which has become a completely obsessive focus for me.

Having thought about it more - because I thought I was the sort of person who would never get something like PNI, as am usually very balanced, middle of the road sort of person! - I think I was worrying constantly throughout my pregnancy. I never had PNI with my first baby, but then had a miscarriage and since then, was terrified there was something wrong with me. Took me a bit longer to get pregnant third time round too, so that made me think something was wrong even more.

I had hyperemisis with both babies so made me feel very low at the beginning - and never felt fully well with my second baby. Every scan I was convinced they would find something wrong with the baby and I was worried the whole way through about her.

So,all those factors I think have combined for me. But, this thing is so random and complicated, I wonder if they'll ever be able to pinpoint a specific cause or chemical- how wonderful if they could just turn it off with a switch. I really want to be able to switch my brain off sometimes!

xx

[smiley]

Thanks guys this gives me some perspective on a illness that is such a mystery. Bobyn thanks for your kind words too..

Sometimes I think I am obsessed with the fact that I have pni! I just want to forget for awhile...

Smiley