OT: Don't know who else to ask

[Jane]

Hi

I've been feeling so much better lately and have been so busy I haven't had a chance to go online.

I don't really know how to explain this, so sorry if I sound muddled. Hope this doesn't upset or offend anyone.

I think my niece (my sister's daughter) is being neglected or possibly abused. My sister has always had lots of problems ever since she was a young child and has never been able to sort herself out. I try not to speak to her anymore because we don't get on and she always makes me feel bad, but I hear about her through my mum.

On Saturday night the police found her wandering around with my 5 year old niece. They picked her up and took her to her house to collect some things and then took her to a local pub where she has some friends who agreed to look after her. The police told her friends that her house was in a disgusting mess and that it wasn't fit for her to live in.

On Sunday night her friends had enough of her and took her to my mums with her daughter. I was just leaving my mums at the time and she saw me and ran off leaving her daughter crying in the street. My mum told me to go and I have just spoken to her today.

She blames my mum for all her problems and seems to want to punish her.

I've suspected that things have been bad for a while, but I don't know what to do about it. The last time I spoke to my sister was on Boxing Day at her house. At the time she had a bloke living with her and he invited us over for dinner. I noticed that my niece was very withdrawn and I followed her to her bedroom to talk to her. Her bedroom stank of urine and her mattress was soiled. She started to tell me about her nightmares but then the boyfriend came upstairs and she went very quiet.

I've heard some awful things lately. A while ago my sister and her boyfriend took some magic mushrooms and then took my niece up London to have a walk around.

I don't know what to do about this. Should I contact social services? Does anyone have any advice.

Love Jane

Ps I am so sorry if this has upset anyone. Veritee please delete this message if you think it is inappropriate for this board.

[newwie]

Hi.
it sounds to me like your sister is very depressed and needs help.
I would talk to her if you can.
If you cant call socail services but please try t help her and talk to her beofre you do as she will nt be happy but at least you will of explained why.
I have socail services involved with me now and they have given me numbers to call and giving me help maybe will be the same for her i dont know though only a thought.
If it was me i would prob try to talk to her first and try everthing possible even talk to your mum about it and see what you can both come up with.
Maybe she is that down that she sees the only way out as been in drugs, a form of self harm due to dpression is through self harm and it may be the onyl way she can cope, please dont think she is doing it on purpose as she rob doesnt even realise its happening

newwie

[Jane]

Newwie, thanks for replying

I wish it were possible to talk to her, but she thinks I am the enemy, and she always has thought this.

She stayed at my mums house last night and my mum tried to talk to her. She twists whatever you say and blames everybody else.

I think maybe I have confused you. I don't think she has PNI. I have PNI and am finding it hard to cope with day to day living without all this as well.

I think you are right and this is a form of self harm, but I don't know how to deal with it. I've told my mum that I think I should call Social Services, but she doesn't want me to. She thinks they will automatically take my niece into care, but I think maybe that would be the best thing.

My sister has admitted that she doesn't want her daughter and that she wants her to go and live with her father anyway.

What do you think Social Services would do if I contacted them?

Thanks
Love Jane

[newwie]

Im dealing with socail services now and they only take children into care i its what the parent wants or if it seriously dangerous like death threatning, They try there hardest to keep them with the parents if they can by offering help and support and thats what they are good at.
I have numbers now to call 24/7 if i need them and they will come out and help so dont be afraid if you feel that your neice is in danger just call them they will access the situation themselves and deal with it.
You can type in support with self harm on ask jeeves and it will give you advise on drugs as self harm and you may get some tips from them
newwie

[Jane]

Thanks Newwie

From what I have said about my niece's situation, do you think she's at risk?

I feel so out of my depth with this, I don't feel able to think straight.

Thanks
Love Jane

[susie]

Hi Jane,

I would have first said the same as Newwie, to try to talk to your sister first, but if you have tried that and talking to your mum perhaps you should get in touch with social services, its difficult to say if your neice is in danger or not but they will be able to make that decision and probably will put some support in for your sister as for whatever reason she doesnt seem to be coping. Obviously you are concerned about your sisters wellbeing but I think you are right to be concerned about your neices too, try not to feel like you will be getting your sister into trouble, social services will be able to help her , it sounds like she needs some help.

hope you find a solution you are comfortable with

Susie
xx

[WileyKit]

Hi Jane,

have you decided on what action to take yet?

As you are worried about the safety of your neice i think you have a duty to try and help her. She is only a child and trapped in a situation. Social services can decide what the exact situation is but the responsibility of this worry should not be on your shoulders. Are you reluctant to get them involved because it is your sister's child? what would you do if it was your neighbours child that you suspected was in danger?

Of course do what you feel is right, the above is just my opinion. I think if less people turned a blind eye then less children would suffer.

Take care, and try not to burden yourself with any guilt about what you decide to do.

Janine xx

[yorkslass]

Jane do as you feel is right regardless of if she is family or not I know this will be one of the hardest desisions you will make but you have to do what you think is best for the child.

I know you will make the right dessision.

Melxx

[WileyKit]

Hi,

I hope my last post didn't seem too preachy, it just breaks my heart to imagine little kiddies suffering. You have to do whatever you feel is right. Sorry to sound so judgemental.

Take care,

Janine xx

[Jane]

Hi

Thanks for your responses.

Janine, don't worry, your post didn't upset me.

My mum has a couple of weeks off work, so my niece is staying with her at the moment, and I have had her at my flat today and yesterday. My mum phoned Social Services this morning and spoke to them anonymously. They have advised her to give it a couple of weeks before involving them to see if things calm down.

I was upset today over something my niece said. I was explaining to her that I am her auntie because her mum is my sister. She looked puzzled and said 'But my Mummy hates you'. I had to fight back the tears. I'm so angry with my sister for telling her that.

Anyway I've told my mum that if/when my niece goes home to her mum I am going to call Social Services myself and ask them to assess whether she is at risk or not.

Thanks
Love Jane

[yorkslass]

HI

I know it must br so hard for you in the position you are in but i would like to say well done if these are the right words for coming to a dessision that must have been hard for you.

Melxx

[susie]

Hi Jane,

I know this must have been a hard decision for you to make when it involves your sister. I hope everything works out for the best for you all.

Take care

Susie
xx

[newwie]

well done
im so routing for you lets hope things turn out for te best which im sure they will
newwie