I feel pressured to take anti-ds

[flobob]

Hello
I saw my doctor today. So far I have resisted any medication. This is for many reasons, some because I don't agree with the fact that drs are too ready to prescribe drugs instead of treating the cause. Some because when they were first mentioned to me I was still breastfeeding and just didn't believe the drs that it didn't affect breastmilk. When I stopped breastfeeding in March this year, I thought about asking for anti-ds then, but immediately the thought came in to my head that I would overdose because I am at home on my own all the time and was scared that if there were drugs here I would do something dreadful when I got lonely in the night.

I was crying to the dr today. Again he mentioned drugs. I really feel pressured now. But I didn't before but every time I see the dr he mentions meds and I have said I don't want to take anything and yet he always mentions it. I feel like he is saying he won't help me any more unless I start taking drugs. But in actual fact he didn't say that and he did say I could go in to see him every week.

I told the dr today that I was scared of having drugs at home. He said he could just give me a small amount - maybe a week's worth so that there wasn't so much here. I said to him I would only want 1 day's worth with me at any one time. And of course I realise that isn't possible. But that is how little I trust myself.

FloBob.

[winegirl]

Hi Flobob

I dont think you need to feel so pressured hun, I think the dr is just offering it to you every time so you know it is still there as an option. Great idea if you do decide to do it to get a weeks worth at a time. But you need to do what you feel comfortable, and you sound like you have an understanding gp x

Winegirl x

[gizmoracer]

Just a thought.could you ask him about couselling instead, or what about more natural herbal remedies. Extra omega 3 and exercise are supposed to help to. Although exercise is probably the last thing on your mind, upping your omega3 intake won't do you any halm.

[flobob]

Hello Winegirl - thank you, that is probably the way he meant it.
I have had some counselling - 6 sessions - which really helped me but couldn't get any more. That was in June/July and August was an awful month. I realised in mid-Sept that the awful period had coincided with the lack of counselling and so I know it helped me. I have an appointment for an assessment to get CBT on 17 Dec. Not so long now, so I think I can hold out until then.
FloBob

[marion]

Hi Flobob

Everyone is different but drugs realy helped me. Dont take them unless you want them though but I couldnt have got to the stage where I am now without them. I take duloxetine anti d which is a new drug as I'm very sensitive to meds and got side effects off the others. It performed a miricle on me and transformed me from a constant blubbering wreck back to nearly my old self. I also see a psychologist which does help to.

Look at all your options and dont feel pressured. You will be ok again but it takes us all different lengths of time to get there.

Stay strong
Love
Marion.

[clarey not logged]

Hi Flobob,

Meds are a thorny issue at times. When my son was 3 months old my hv and gp at the time thought I had what they termed PND as I was upset that my son refused to take a bottle and I felt trapped and was tearful. I asked my hv and gp if I could have counselling and they both told me I couldn't because there was no issue underlying how I felt shocking eh? They told me my only option was the meds and here you go, go away and take them and be a good girl type of thing. I refused at the time for myriad reasons like breastfeeding and because I felt I didn't need them.

I did end up taking them when my son was 1 as I had a complete mental and physical breakdown and was so off the edge it was that or hospital. I thought my hv was going to say I told you so type thing but she didn't. It was more like sometimes you need to be ready and willing for the meds to help you. She actually agreed that all those months back I wasn't ready and they may not have helped me then as they had now.

It is a personal choice Flobob whether you want meds or not. For me second time of being offered "bingo" they helped me back to the land of the living. You have to be happy with what course of recovery you choose to take as it is you doing the recovering. The only thing I would recommend is not let yourself get too much in a downwards spiral my love and if you do feel you want to try them then do. You could ask your OH to lock them in a cupboard or administer them for you if you feel this way.

B-vits and zinc are good to take to help though but the real tonic for me though was finding this website just after going on the meds it helped me no end.

Here for you,

Love Clareyxx

[flobob]

Hello Marion and Clarey
Yep, everyone is different, I agree. And just at the moment I am not happy with taking drugs. On Saturday night I took 2 painkillers because of a weird pain around my eyes - it felt like there was a steel band around my head and it was being pushed backwards and squeezed into my eyes. Anyway I rarely take any pills so my OH realised how bad I must be to ask him for some painkillers. I have to ask him because I don't even know where they're kept because I use them so little.
But I can't ask my OH to administer any anti-ds because he works away and is only home at the weekend. Which is kind of the problem. If I had someone here who could give me a day's dosage in the morning and then take the rest of the drugs away with them to work for the day I'd feel happier about it. Is that stupid?

Clarey, I am shocked that you couldn't have counselling because of no underlying reason. How would they know what was underlying? It is hard for us to know or admit something like that anyway. I have one thing underlying this which I have only told to a counsellor, but actually she didn't really help much with that issue and kind of glossed over it and moved on to something else. In hindsight it was almost as if she couldn't deal with something so serious. I'm not seeing that counsellor now and only had 6 sessions with her. I definitely couldn't tell the dr about this issue because I wanted to tell just one person who would fix it for me rather than having to keep saying it to loads of different people until they found someone who could help.

I think you're right, though, that you have to be ready for the meds to help you and taking them when you're not ready means that they may not be any help.

Maybe if you'd have got counselling when you first asked the downward spiral wouldn't have got so far.

And I agree this place has helped me so much.
Take care, FloBob

[clarey]

Hi Flobob,

It isn't stupid to worry about what you would do with the meds. I used to worry about sharp objects for example and wouldn't use anthing like a knife at my worst. It seems to be a common theme during this illness to have these thoughts but they are just thoughts. It is hard at the time to rationalise this but I am sure you would be fine.

I have often tortured myslef with the thought that I could have prevented my breakdown in some way. I am sure that if I had had counselling when I asked things would have taken a different course. For me it was meds or nothing that I was offered. It is so wrong isnt it? That particuler gp I saw has left the proffesion now!

Ironically I did have a number of underlying issues that came out during the course of my counselling. I do believe though that my personal breakdown has had such a profound effect upon my life and my personality that I am now a much better person in so many different ways so I don't feel too bitter if you know what i mean.

Take care,
Clareyxx

[flobob]

Hello Clarey
I am glad to hear that you're not bitter about the delay. And that you can look on this in a positive way. Well done! Sounds like you've got your head sorted out.
FloBob