My sister

[Kerri]

Hi, my sister had a little boy 4 years ago. She suffered from PNI but went for 1 year without being treated. I knew she wasn't ok, but my mum and my sisters husband did not think anything was seriously wrong.

However, I saw what my sister was like. She would smack the baby if he wriggled while she changed his nappy and for other unreasonable things. She never really seriously hurt him, but she often lost her temper. She also Told me a few times she wished she wasn't here, and that everybody would be better off if she was dead. One day she even put a knife to her wrists while I was with her.

Now, my nephew is 4. though my sister was treated, she took herself off the medication and only went for one counselling session. She is still very depressed, however does not hurt her son.
I'm traumatised by what's happened the past four years, and currently in counselling myself because I'm guilt ridden. Why did I not do enough to get help for her sooner? Why couldn't I get people closest to me and my sister to listen when I said something was wrong?

My counsellor does know of my sisters depression, however she does not know she used to harm her son. I'm scared to tell her, because of fear of what will happen...I know this is the root cause of my problems at the moment, so what would happen if I told her about it? Would she contact social services?

Any advice would be great! thanks,

xx

[marion]

Hi Kerri

You certainly sound as if you hvae been in a very difficult position for years which is really taking it's toll on you.

I do not think if you told your counsillor about what had happened she would report it as what is spoken about is confidentail, however, why not ask her if everything you discuss is confidentail or if not under what circumstances would the confidentiality agreement have to be breached? At least then you would know if you could talk to her about this. Remember that it is not you who has hurt her son so I do not think that she could do anything.

PNI or any type of depression is such a difficult thing to deal with. Is your sister still getting help? Is she on anti d's? It sounds like if she is receiving treatment then something is not working for her and you may suggest she goes back to her dr's to review things. It's hard though to admit things arent going well as she may think she is coping and probably in her own way she is but as an outsider you can see there are still problems. Do you hvae a good relationship with her? Could you talk to her and voice your concerns tactfully about her health?

Let us know how you get on. It is hard for you seeing someone you are close to suffering and not be able to do anything to help. Would she look at this site? It may help her to know she's not alone in how she's feeling.

Love
Marion.

[kerri]

Hi,
thanks for your reply.
I am aware of confidentiality with my counsellor - she went through it at the beginning. basically if there is risk of harm to myself or others etc.

Otherwise, she wouldn't disclose info without my consent.

My sister is not receiving treatment as like you said she doesn't think she has a problem. We have spoken about it - and I have told her my concerns in a considerate manner, with no luck.

I have taken advice from many over the years, tried many different things, and had no luck.
I don't really know how much more I can take - this is big in itself, however i have my own issues going on and a lot to deal with (I'm struggling quite badly and feeling quite desperate)

Thanks again for your reply!

[marion]

Families can be so hard to talk to sometimes cant they! I know you are worried about her and her son but maybe you need to take a step back and focus on yourself (easier said than done!) and maybe once you hvae your self feeling better you could then turn your attention to your sister.
I dont know. It's hard isnt it?!? Do you hvae children?

[cheshire]

Hi Kerri,

It's a tricky one...

You obviously care very much about her and it's taking it's toll on you - as Marion suggests.

You need to look after yourselfxx

For what it's worth, I think ultimately your sister maybe needs to/ will recognise what has been happening and that she needs help. But it can take longer for some of us to recognise that we have an illness..or knowing we're ill, understand that it's PNI.

If it were me - I would probably speak to my sister directly about it rather than the counsellor, in the hope that she would seek the help she needed herself (with support if needed from me).

Women with PNI can be very paranoid - even after many of the physical/ other emotional symptoms have faded. Involving a counsellor without her knowledge may feed this paranoia and possibly make her feel worse. Then again, I don't know your sister and she may be glad of the intervention.

It's hard to say. Maybe you could direct your sister to web sites such as this one - where she can hopefully see that she is not alone in how she is feeling?

Good luck
Hopefulx