My Parents

[stevensmummy]

I'm not sure if this is the right section for this but I wasnt sure of anywhere else.

My problem - My parents.
They had taken it upon themselves to basically take over. They know my problems. I was at that stage afraid to go to doc etc and didnt admit. They were there pretty much there 24-7. Then they didnt want to and I was left to it. I suddenly paniced and needed them after never being alone for such a long time. (I have a 2yr old and a baby who was ill with an op at 5wks and in which time I also developed epilepsy) They then took it as a chore to have to be here for me and complained all the time and made me feel guilty about it.

Since then I have had a row with them which was quite severe and I basically closed the door. It was very very had I am now on antid's and they have helped emensly. For about a week we nvr spoke. I was adamant that i wasnt calling them. I wanted to see how long it took them to come to me. I had the support of my inlaws and they said I was doing the right thing. They then called my OH and asked was all ok. It started from there and since then its gradually been coming round. Mum has now been over 3 times in the last 2 weeks and this will be dads first time for 3 weeks.

Here lies my prob. They now seem taken aback by my independance and the fact that I have made friends and started playgroups with the kids and walk to everything (no car due to epilepsy) rather than get lifts from them. Its like I have offended them by being independant. I do things without constantly consulting them and I have always involved them in the kids lives and my own. Now they seem annoyed that i dont. Yet they were annoyed I had them over all the time. They ask other ppl inlaws esp about us and what we are doing so not to ask me.

Am I wrong to exclude them?
Should I start telling them things?
Do I now let them back in freely?
I feel ofended by their actions but am I just being arrogant now by being too far the other way?

Plz help
(sorry for the long post I had alot to explan, lol)

Sarah xx

[caterina]

Hi Sarah
Obviously I don't know the ins and outs of the fight etc but in my humble opinion you are a grown up with children and although yes you did need their help, now you're branching out and being more independent which they should be applauding. Going to playgroups and walking places with the kids are positive things, it shows you are improving and surely they would be happy about that?
You can make decisions regarding your life and your kids lives without consulting your parents constantly, by all means include them but the final decision is yours. It sounds like they are having trouble adjusting to the 'new you'! Could you sit them down and maybe talk about it? you're grateful for the help but now you don't need so much and surely they will find your improvement to be positive?
If you're still raw about the fight then you maybe need to clear the air, that might be something to try. Good luck! xx

[winegirl]

Hi Sarah

I think the only thing you can do is sit down and talk to them about this. Explain that they are your parents and you love them and want to spend time with them, but that now you are feeling better you want to try do somethings on your own and get your independence back.

I know sitting down with your folks is hard, i always feel 12 again when i do it, but I think it is the only way this issue can be resolved for you x

WG x

[Scarlet]

Hiya Sarah,

As I said in your diary hun, I think they are perhaps a bit jealous that their daughter who once needed them is now branching our on her own and becoming independent. It's hard for them to see you doing things for yourself and making friends because perhaps they feel deep down that you won't need them anymore, and they don't find it easy to let go, and let you fly the nest so to speak.

I think it would be wise to speak to your mum and tell her that just because you are doing things for yourself it's not that you need them any less, just that you want to build up some self-esteem and not have to rely on them as much, and this is for their benefit as well.

Love and hugs

Scarlet
xxxx

[stevensmummy]

Hi Girls,

Sorry been busy the last few days.

Thanks for the replies. I think the idea of sitting down with them like you say WG is like being 12 again. My dad is so very intimadating. He likes to be feared and its pretty much a case of his oppinion is his and no-one will change it. However better I feel i'm not sure i'm in a stable enough frame of mind to approach this. I'm not sure I ever will be!!

There ar so many things that they do, more so my dad that annoys me. He does silly things like when steven steps out of line, he jumps in and reprimands him. The voice goes deep and he says things like 'you dont do that in this house'. Just yesterday we wne to the in laws and my dad was dropping off hay for the horses. I said what a aplace to park the bloody van. Not thinking anything about it or the fact that he was there. Steven went in and said to dad silly place for bloody van. Dad immediately said hoy, no, dont say that. Thats them teaching you bad mannors havent they got any sense. I mean I know he said it and he shouldnt have, it was my falut but what right has be to go on lecture mode its my children and not his. Its our place to correct not his.
Is that silly? Am I being over sensitive?

He also has an attitude when I asked him to tell mum just to call me about 2morow, I wont be in bed early so just when shes back. He was like what for, what do you mean 2morow. I said oh i'd asked if she minded taking us to Splash as cathy has the doc with tash so wouldnt manage. Oh ok, so you need her then do you and gave me a look. I just said, well mum will know, just tell her for me plz.
Silly things like that annoy me. Yet again am I being over sensitve or was he having a dig at me?

I just dont know how to apporach it without causing another arguement.

Sorry to be a pain but I keep thinking this whole ridiculous issue is 'holding me back' from moving forward. I feel I cant rely on them.

xxx

[winegirl]

Hey Sarah

Was wondering how things were going with your folks these days? Any improvement??

WG x