Carol's Birth Story

[carol]

My first child was delivered in hospital after 6 hours labour and no pain relief. Excellent. My second child was delivered in hospital after 4 hours, however as he was my second child and the labour ward was busy I was left alone a lot. I was alone (with hubby) when my son's head crowned which scared me. 13 years later I found myself pregnant after being told I could not have any more children. This was my wonderful second husbands first child so we decided a home birth would be good. Everything was going very well and we called the midwife at 5pm. She arrived examined me an I was 10cm. I was using a tens machine and it conked out. I asked hubby to put a new battery in. He did and because the other battery was fading I had cranked the machine up so with the new batteries I had a huge wallop and from a position of all fours did a star shape in the air much to hubby and midwifes delight. At 5.45 I requested gas and air so the midwife called midwife number 2 to collect the gas and air from the local hospital and to come to the house. The pain was dreadful, nothing like my other births. I couldn't cope and bellowed like a animal. My waters broke and I had an urge to push. I asked the midwife to examine me and she said no if you want to push push so I did. 'A' was born after 2 minutes of second stage labour at 6.28pm. Midwife 2 arrived 6.35pm! I was told the labour was back to back and that was why it was so painful. 'A' cried all the time. I was breast feeding, like I had fed my older children but 'A' wanted to feed all the time. My nipples bleed and I did not get to have any sleep. I kept telling the midwives and HV something was not right. At about 5 week old my HV suggested he could be lactose intolerant and made a few suggestions. At 7 weeks old we decided to feed formula on my HV final suggestion. The other HV's made me feel like a failure and even sent me to a Le Leche clinic where I was told that by giving formula I was feeding my baby poisons!!! Once on formula 'A' changed instantly. He slept and hardly ever cried. I never had PNI with my other children and finally admitted I had a problem and sort help via the HV and Drs when 'A' was 16 months old.

[bam02]

Carol just goes to show how different things can be doesn't it? I feel its hard to accept things although I always knew something was wrong. Now five years on I am still in Mental health circles - but its better now - I feel listened too even if a bit late.

I hope you feel listened to form professionals and certainly here can help?

Its good to write things down, but don't you find it hard. i hope after writing this it has helped , but please come back if you want to talk again.

[carol]

Hi Bam,
Writing things down really does help. The biggest help is here though. Thanks to all the wonderful ladies that have the courage to write here and support each other. Carol xoxox

[Scarlet not logged]

Carol,

The other HV's made me feel like a failure and even sent me to a Le Leche clinic where I was told that by giving formula I was feeding my baby poisons!!!

I can't believe this, it is totally unnacceptable. Women shouldn't be made to feel like this just because they are having difficulty breastfeeding. Shame on La Leche Clinic!!!!!

I successfully breastfed my first till he was one (didn't have PNI), and because I was on ADs with my second, the psychiatrist advised me not to, and gave me a couple of tablets to dry up my milk. No one has said anything to me at all since, and my baby is thriving on formula, he's in the 50th percentile, whereas my eldest who was breastfed was in the 25th.

It's quite acceptable over here in Europe NOT to breastfeed, and not all mums do. My friend is a GP and she didn't breastfeed any of her 3 children, and that was her personal choice. I have met lots of other mums over here that chose not to as well...and I was quite surprised to be honest.

Another mum Wokette had a similar experience to you with the breastfeeding and her PNI has almost fully gone after about a year and 6 sessions of counselling. I read somewhere that guilt caused to mums unnecessarily by medical staff, because they can't breastfeed, can bring on depression. They should be much more careful imo armed with this knowledge.

The good news is Carol that you will recover hun.... I promise you.

Keep talking...

Love and hugs

Scarlet
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[carol]

How interesting Scarlet. I had no problem at all breast feeding my older children. I just found that even at Anti Natal the mid wives were not allowed to discuss bottle feeding as the local hospital had a special status promoting breastfeeding. Bottle feeding could only be discussed 1-1. One of the mums said she didn't realise we were living in a Nanny state. Got quite heated!!!! Maybe I was quite raw from the experience, but even when buying formula at Boots the chemist with other stuff it was always brought to my attaention that Boots points were not awarded on formula purchases. Its ridiculous. Carol xoxoxox

[Scarlet]

Hiya Carol,

I have read a few articles which state that breastfeeding difficulties may lead to PNI/D, but here's what I found on looking quickly.

Early breastfeeding difficulties can sometimes prompt strong feelings of failure and guilt, which may then contribute to the onset of PND

from this article

www.babyworld.co.uk/information/newparents/post_natal_depression1.asp

Can't believe that they never discussed bottle feeding as an option. Over here you go to see a Gyny throughout your pregnancy, and they always ask you how you are going to feed your baby, without any pressure at all. We all know breast is best, but sometimes this is not an option....

It is ridiculous isn't it and I am so sorry you have had to suffer perhaps unnecessarily hun...

Here for you..

Hugs

Scarlet
X

[carol]

Thanks Scarlet. I thought maybe the breast feeding issue contributed to the PNI. When you say 'Over here you go to see a Gyny throughout your pregnancy, and they always ask you how you are going to feed' Where is 'Over here'?

Talking to a new mum from work, she was telling me that she was breast feeding and not producing enough milk so was prescribed some meds. She started to get panic attacks and the baby was very restless. She researched the drugs on the internet and found that the drugs were for people on Chemo and a side effect was to increace lactation, however they must not be taken by breastfeeding mothers! Hence baby is now bottle fed. Might be this region but they seem to be hell bent on breast feeding regardless. My placid hubby gets so annoyed about the 'breast feeding police' that I'm sure he's going to explode one day!

[Scarlet]

Sorry Carol. I'm in Europe hun, and it seems they do things very differently over here. Just makes my blood boil when I hear that there's a possibility that some women are getting PNI from feelings of guilt, due to not being able to breastfeed, and those in the medical profession are not held accountable in some way for bad advice. It's a terrible illness that at least some women can be prevented from having, with a bit more care and reassurance and less pressure from midwives/HVs etc..

Better get off my high horse now and bath the bains .

Hugs

Scarlet
X

[winegirl]

Hi Carol

Just wanted to say that my baby was back to back too so fully with you on how much pain there is! Well done you for getting through on virtually no pain relief!

Winegirl x

[carol]

Hi Scarlet,
From the article you sent I can tick off 7 out of the 9 potential causes of PNI. No wonder!!!!!!! In- Laws are over this weekend as we have had major building work on our house (started last year) and M-I-L thinks my NPI is because the house isn't finished and they are laying a patio , bless.

[Scarlet]

Carol hun,

I can tick off 5 on that list. lol MIL

Hope you get that patio finished, then you can have a vino or two on it..*winks*

[carol]

Patio down and a few bottles were drunk over the weekend which I'm now regretting.

[Scarlet]

OOOOOO you naughty girl, bet it was fun though..*winks*