trying for another but scared of my pnd

[catgoodey]

you lot have been so helpful i thought i could share something else with you and see if you have some helpful advice for me.
my little girl is now one and my husband and i had decided last month to start trying for another baby because we don't want too long a gap between children and we were ready. well, i still would like to have another baby but the nearer a reality it gets the more scared i am about pnd after the next one. i suffered from day one and although i have had up days and down days i am not really over it.
if i get pregnant again will it just get bad again and will i look back and think i made a terrible mistake?
or am i just feeling like this because i'm down at the moment and when i'm up again will i feel ok about it again (like i did a couple of months ago)? i'm very confused and more than a little scared. can anyone relate/advise?

on another note i had a horrible nightmare that my daughter was hurt or killed and me and my husband were arrested for it and no-one would help me. i woke in a total panic. does anyone else have nightmares? what can you do about something you're not in control of like dreams!?!

got to go and get some sleep. will be back tomorrow,
love cat xx

[natalie1985]

Hey Cat
Regarding having another one, i know how you feel. Im scared of having another due to the PNI...but vee has said to me before, just because you have it with one, doesn't necessarily mean you will get it again.
I think though if you're not over your PND i think it can carry through, but im not 100% sure about that!
But like some of the other girls have always said to me...PND doesnt last forever but your children do So don't let it ruin your chances of having another.
Lots of love, Nat xxx

[susanneb1984]

Hiya hunni,

I got pni after my first daughter was born, and then I got prenatal illness during my second pregnancy. But my pni was never dealt with, my GP thought I was making things up for attention.
If you feel ready, then go for it. I didn't get pni after my second child, but I can understand the fear. For the first 8 weeks or so, I daren't sit down for longer than a few mins in case pni caught up with me, but luckily it didn't.

I think it helps to be aware of it, and have support.

Good Luck
xxx

[angel]

Hi Cat

I too had PNI with my first child but was never really diagnosed or treated and i didn't find this place till after i had had my second child.

I think for me i was paranoid the whole time that i was pregnant that i would feel the same as i did after my little boy was born. To start with i felt fine but when my little girl was about three months old i started to feel very down and cried all the time. That was when i found this place and managed to get the support of all the wonderful people that are on here. I then started to realise that i was OK and i wasn't suffering full blown PNI this time but i think because i went undiagnosed with my first it was like it was feelings that were still there.

Basically what I'm saying is if you already have the support then I'm sure you will be fine i would think that the health visitor will be on the look out for more symptoms but i guess the thing would be not to hide the fact that you suffered after your first so that people know and can try to help when you have the second.

Sorry for waffling on a bit.

Take Care

Angel

[susanneb1984]

I don't know how many others have found this, but in my area, if you had pni first time around, they will refer you onto a special group of midwives, who are trained in pni and pre natal illness as well, so when the midwives come round, they spend time with you as the mother as well as checking the baby, it helped me.
xxx

[catgoodey]

well, thank you again for your help guys. it's interesting what you said susanne about the extra support from the midwifes. i will certainly ask about that when i do get pregnant. i am determined that second time around i will ask for help not sit quietly suffering waiting for someone to notice. i owe it to my kids to swallow my pride and get help. reading what you have said to me it has given me lots to think about but i have actually become a bit more determined to do what i want and seize the day, etc. i have actually had a fairly bad week but i have turned it around into something positive, i hope.
thank you again and i will talk to you all again soon,
love cat xxx

[emilyalwaysblue]

Does anyone else get the feeling where they want another baby to maybe try and make them selves prove something? I pften think that Id like another baby to show people I could have a better labour and I cud cope and I wouldnt get PNI. I get those thoughts alot.

[chocgirl]

Hi, I am totally new to this site. I have a seven year old daughter and my husband and I have had secondary subfertility of unknown cause so have not conceived another child yet. As there is nothing wrong with either of us I think its been fate - I think I had a form of PND after my daughter was born but didnt want to accept it at the time and feel I have needed to work through alot of issues before being ready to have another one. The fertility issues nearly caused my marriage to break up as I started to look forward and to other things in my life but my husband became very down and obsessed with it. However, after a bad time he had moved on somewhat and we are now really strong as a couple and I feel more ready to consider trying again. However, I am still really scared I might feel the same way as I did with my daughter. Any thoughts or advice would be welcome.

[cheshire]

Hi Chocgirl,

Welcome to the sitex

I had PNI after my second, but we have now completed our family, so have not had to consider some of the issues that you are facing now.

But there are lots of ladies here who will have been in similar situations.

Hope you feel you can use the forum for your support

Love, Hopefulx

[monica]

Hi and welcome

I got PNI after my second child and am currently pregnant with the third. I must admit I have worries about getting PNI again, however, as many women on here have said forewarned is forearmed. You now know the symptoms, so if you feell like you might be getting it again, you can try and get help, whether that be meds, counselling or simple things like making time for yourself, asking for practical help maybe quicker than previously and nip it inthe bud.

Furthermore, if you are pregnant and tellthem abut the PNI your midwife and dr should keep a closer eye on you (that's what I was told). These days, at least in theory, they should also be more clued up on it and sympathetic.

Hoep that helps. Good luck if you decide to go for it!

Monica

[helenr]

Hi,

as some of you know, I sufferred PNI with both babes, and forewarned is forearmed.

IF it happens again, you know long before you realised something was wrong last time.

Try not to let it cloud what should be a magical time,

love and hugs x

[joannem]

Hi Cat
I can totally relate to what you are saying. My little boy is 18 months now and I am coming out of what was a long living hell. I always dreamed of having 3 kids but now am totally terrified of doing it again, I know my hubby would love it but the thought of taking that risk terrifies me so it is a big step and only you know what is right for you.
Dont feel pressured by anyone, do what is best for you.

I am hoping in time PND will be a long lost memory and I will be able to make that brave step and like others have said get help much earlier IF it happens again, so that is on our side!
Good luck
Have you ever had counselling?? Maybe that may help too??
Good luck with everything this time hun
Jo xx