Pregnancy hormones or am I wrong?

[stevensmummy]

Hi girls
Just when i think I am beginning to be free, I see the ugly head being reared again!

I'm 37 weeks preg and struggling with the idea of the forthcoming birth, but not the actual birth more the idea of visitors. One in particular. My partners sis, lynn. This is the lady that at xmas and about 3 months preg she punched me in the stomach intentionally, after an argument, where she proceeded to chase myself and my little boy in a car, where she almost caused an accident. For either of these activities I cant get past the idea of allowing her near my son or I. I havent seen or spoken with her since that nite but there have been incidents ie easter birthdays where I have had her told via MIL that there r to be no presents etc, and the come anyway and I have been angry and upset. It makes the realationship with MIL and I diff but its amicable enough and she is one I feel I think I can trust.
However, the prob lies with the forthcomin birth and lynn seeing the baby. I'm not sure I can bear her to be near my son or the new baby. I dont think i could allow her to touch either of them. I cringe at the thought of my son being left at my mums when i'm in hosp as I know the MIL will be lookin after him for a few of the days days when mum is at work and i know they will see it as their way of leting lynn see steven. The thought of her coming into hosp to see us is unbearable, but thats the sort of person she is, she would do that.
Am I wrong? Preg hormone overdrive? Or can anyone see my point and my situation? I have thought cant I just let it be and try to be friends but I just cant bear the thought of her touching them. She nearly killed us all, and proceeded to punch me in the stomach when i said dont be stupid i'm preg, her response was, not if i can help it. I cant forgive for that, and does that make me the one who is wrong? I need some advice xx

[caterina]

Hiya
It's not my place to tell anyone else what to do but if that was me I wouldn't let her near my family ever again..how messed up do you have to be to punch a preg woman in the stomach for goodness sake?
I know she's your kids auntie but that's unforgivable. Just my opinion hun xx

[caterina]

Also, you are in control of who sees you and your baby when you're in hospital. If you decide not to see her then tell the midwives she's not welcome, they will stop her and if she gets past them then hospital security will deal with her. You don't have to see anyone you don't want to in hospital xx

[joannem]

Hiya Stevens mummy
I totally agree with Cat, you dont have to have her near you at all and I think you are fully entitled to feel that way after the way she has behaved.
Tell the hospital staff not to let her in and they will stop her.
Is there anyone else who could look after S while your mum is at work??
Jo xx

[stevensmummy]

Hi girls,
Thanks for the reply. i just needed the reasurance that it isnt me being stupid and overreacting. I touched the subject with my OH last nite and it was rather dodgy but I think in the light of the morning he sees my point and understands how I feel. This is his family so I guess its a bit hasty of me to expect him to be happy about it. He also said he didnt realise I still felt this way or quite so strongly about her.

As for the hosp situation well i didnt realise/think about the fact that I could actually prevent her coming in. I will do that, thankyou.

Yes Jo thanks I think I may get my grandmother to watch Steven, my mum suggested this.

One last thing, am I being unrealistic to expect my OH to confront the MIL about his sis? He said its difficult for him and I guess it would be. Do you think it would be better to explain the sit and how I feel mysel, at the risk of causing an arguement? Is it better coming from me?

Thanks Sarah xx

[caterina]

Hi Sarah
I don't think it's unreasonable to expect your OH to explain the situation to MIL, it's his sister and mum that are involved and quite frankly if my SIL behaved like that then I would fully expect my OH to support me. If it does cause an argument then maybe her daughter shouldn't have punched you when you were pregnant? Sorry if this sounds harsh but you are completely in the right here about this. xx

[gizmoracer]

OMG how did you not kill her when this happened? There is no way you are overreacting about this one, you are a mother trying to protect her children. I totally agree with you not to want here near you or your little ones. If she is capable of doing something like that to you, then what is she capable of doing to a defenceless child? I understand that hubby is in the middle here, but I think it would be better if he where to speak to his family about this, I hope he is the supportive type and understands how you feel and to be fair if it starts up an argument then I think you need to point out that you were being the amicable one by not having her prosicuted for assult and you only chose not to because she is family.

[stevensmummy]

Hi,
Thanks for replying everyone. I am beginning to see that maybe i'm not being totally outrageous and going off my head about this for nothing. I really do worry about what she could do. Deep down I thin I know she would never hurt steven or the new baby (when it comes) but really I never expected her to do as she did. So really who knows.

The point about my OH confronting them well I think hes come round to it. Since the full scale argument about in the other nite its not been mentioned as he has the intention of saying something when his dad is at work, hes very old fashioned and would just go off his head if he were to confront his mum with him there. I think he now sees my point of alienating them all if I do it myself. I think although he reacted badly when I confronted him about it, I think he was more upset than angry and it came out much worse. Me being pregnant made it all blow out of proportion as I was irrational and hormonal, crying my eyes out. As for the point about being lucky I didnt charge her, well good point thankyou!

Thanks for the help girls x

[monica]

Hi

No way are you goign over the top. The women sounds like a psycho! I can totally understand where you're coming from and at the end of teh day if you feel uncomfortable about her seeing your kids, which I'd say is 100% normal reaction, you have every right to stop her from doing so.

I'm sure your husbadn must feel caught in the middle, but then again she did punch you and esp when pregnant! If you don't mind me asking, how did he react to that? And your mil, too? Can't they understand you're not being unreasonable? If my daughter did that to my dil I'd go ballistic and go to the police myself!

Monica

[stevensmummy not logged in]

Hi
Sorry for the delay, I have had a hectic few weeks babay due 2moro with things not going greatly. But organised now so time to reply.

When it actually all happened I totally overeacted and caused a huge arguement with mike and I, but afterwards when i stopped screaming and crying and actually let him talk to me he saw my point and I discovered that he was angry too, although I thought otherwise at the time. He knows its wrong but he doesnt want to cause more problems. Initially I wonder if he believed me, but I think by the way I responded when he suggested I was overreacting and did she actually do that, he got my point and realised I was being honest. His mum however I have since discovered she doesnt believe me. I have since confronted her and suggested she tell lynn I want nothing to do with them and it was a joint decision not just me. As you can imagine it didnt go down well i ended in tears and just plainly said I cant have a woman who punched me in the stomach while pregnant coming anywhere near me or my children and as it was her daughter she should be saying something. She took the cowards approach and demanded the she was having nothin to do with it. Threw a whole sob story about their ruby wedding anniv at end of year and not being able to have a party as we cant agree (not to mention the fact that mike n I plan to get married, cant c that without a hitch!) . She turned and said that lynn swears she never did it so what am i suposed to believe, you or my own daughter. I replied by saying well doesnt a damaged placenta prove it and she kind of backed down. But otherwise I dont thin she thinks much of it. Just a hassle for nothin really. However when I deliver a baby whos had a damaged placenta and suffered damage as a result (we have been warned there is a small risk of it) I cant imagine i'm going to be able to be civil about it then. I am scared aboput the result but I guess its just a case of waiting to see what comes of it. I'll keep you posted

Thanks girls xx

[monica]

Hi

All the best with the birth and I hope you and your babe will be well (I'm sure it will be).

I'm so pleased that oh understands where you're coming from adn supports you. I think you've done the right thing and told you mil where things stand adn you dont' want sil near you or kids,. That must have taken a lot of courage so well done.

Please let us know how you get on and again, wishing you all the best

Love

Monica