being pregnant is sending me totally loopy

[erinjane]

anyone who has read my recent posts will see that I recently found out that I am pregnant now nearly 6 weeks. I have suffered from p.n.i since my son who is nearly 3, I have had none or very little symptoms for about 9 months, but have always been on meds, i lowered my meds last week, although i had a little anxiety before that, It really was a bad idea!!
I have gone down that p.n.i road again ,With the obsessive thoughts returning again although there are in waves
I have put my meds back up and have improved a little but not much I am frightened its all going to come back. Why o away and return. Its so unfair I was wondering if anyone who was in this section had any advice on what i can do. I am hoping it is just early pregnancy hormones!! thanks xx

[Scarlet]

Erin hun,

Seems like you were nicely in recovery from PNI with your first child, and are now having a setback (blip) perhaps due to fluctuating hormones or because you lowered your meds. It sounds to me as if your GP is less than symathetic, I have to say, at a time when she should be monitoring you closely. Is there anyone else at the practice who you feel you can talk to? Do they have a nurse at the practice or perhaps you can talk to a HV or midwife when you go for your ante-natal check-ups.

I know you are afraid Erin and I'm sorry that I can't be of any more help to you hun, cept to say that there's been many mums who haven't fully recovered from the first bout of PNI that have gone on to have a second baby, and they have now recovered... I hope some of them will be able to respond to your post sweetheart and give you some advice.

But know that we are here for you, whenenver you need to talk..

Hugs

Scarlet
X

[michelle212]

Hiya erin,
Im so sorry to hear that your going through a hard time at the minute, i really do hope it passes for you. As you know im pregnant too just 4 weeks to go and am not having the best time myself i also suffer with the obsessive thoughts to about abuse and me being the abuser its the hardest thing ever to cope with. But i do know that hormones are playing a big part as i have just in this last week or 2 started getting really bad, my midwife did say that the first few weeks and last month of pregnancy is when the hormones go abit loopy' but as far as i remember at the start of my pregnancy i was'nt as bad' i could cope with them, and then from maybe 3 months to 8 months i felt myself for that time, but sadly for me there at there strongest right now, i believe stress does'nt help matters. So all i can say is take it easy on yourself you'll get through it, the less stress the better' and talk about how your feeling as much as you can, as i find that really helps.

Take care.......

[erin not logged]

hi Michelle, thankyou!
I am having a terrible day its been coming in waves all day It is different like i said before the thoughts are not as strong but it is the fact they are back again I think that is lowering my mood I am back on the 40mg to and they dont seem to be working. Maybe when i see the doctor today I will feel better. I have another two children who are 4 and 2 and not at school. They have fought all day......maybe that isn't helping me! My husband is at work and I keep trying to clean up but sit down every 30 Min's . I feel really guilty when i sit and dont clean i feel like i should have done something useful every day I f i haven't I get myself down. I know just how you are feeling to our thought are both in the same catogary Did you see a NP if so what did he say Do you think all doctors know about the abuse thoughts? I am scared that they wont understand where i am coming from
hope you are having a good day xx

[michelle212]

Hiya erin,
Yes mines is the same, comes in waves like 1 hour im feeling ok the next theres a thought and it brings me right down to the point were i just want to die, its so frustrating that i cant just get on with life as normal.

But you should'nt feel guilty about not doing the house work at the start of pregnancy i remember feeling really tired and could'nt do much myself but that will pass you'll start getting your energy back soon enough and hopefully your thoughts will subside, just take it easy as much as you can. Like i said i really do think stress can trigger this illness and to top that of your hormones is'nt steady either. If you can i would try and get someone to take the kids for an hour or so each day just until you get your energy back but if not just try and take it easy as much as you can, and remember dont feel bad for not doing the house work as the state of your mind at this minute is more important than house work.....Take it easy!!!!!

Yes i did see my doctor about my thoughts he said its really common in women with pni, i was shocked when he told me that as i thought i was this dirty perv, but he said why im having them is because its one of my worst fears of someone touching my child even though in my mind im the one doing it' how strange is that!!! so i'd say your doctors heard these storys before so i would'nt worry about it

[erinjane]

I seen my doctor. She has kept me on my 40mg of citalophram, she says theres not enough reserch been done on anti ds to prove weather or not they are a problem but somtimes they can cause slight withdrawl symtoms for the baby, but many women take them.. I tld her about the thoughts but i could not admit that is that i think it is me doing it! I just say I think somone is doing it I am so scared to say it is me! You know the worst of it is I have had this for over a year and I know I would never ever ever do my children any harm I dote on them, just like you! So why on earth are we believin we could do this Its like we are trying to scare the hell out of ourselves.. These thoughts are so scarry!!
My thoughts are comin just like that....I can feel fine then all of a sudden i think it and i cant stand being around my kids and it will last and hour or so then go away again coming and going throughout the day!
I talked to somone once who told me that usually the thought can be from your childhood..... where somthing has happened to you as a child and you cannot remember, but i find this hard to believe Just wish so bad it would o away I keep thinking I am goin to be like this forever xxx

[winegirl]

Hi Erin

This is not forever hun, but it is really tough while you are going through it. We are here for you whenevr you need us hun, we will help you get to the other side xxx


Winegirl x

[scarlet not logged]

Erin,

Hope you are feeling well today hun.

I talked to somone once who told me that usually the thought can be from your childhood..... where somthing has happened to you as a child and you cannot remember, but i find this hard to believe Just wish so bad it would o away I keep thinking I am goin to be like this forever xxx

To be honest I think this is incorrect. I'd say the thoughts we have are our worst fears for the most part. At the beginning of my illness, I had fears of harming my baby, and I was never harmed as a child and have forgotten, I can cateorically say this.. I'm sure there are occasions where the mum suffering might have been abused in some way in her past, but I think this is the minority, considering 1-8 women are suffering.

Anyway just my two penneth hun... ;D

Hugs

Scarlet
X

[scarlet again]

oops I meant to say 1 in 8, sorry for rambling above.. ;D