my husband needs help to

[littlelotty]

Hi ALL

I know many of you know me but I am writing this on here to start a thread for my husband as I know he looks on here and reads many others but I dont think has the courage to start it on his own, so hopefully with me starting it he will be able to carry on writing this.

I am worried about him as I have put him through so much and he is trying his best to be strong for me - especially after last week when I tried to kill myself.

He has been a pillar of strength and I dont know what I would have done without him and his family.

He says he does not understand me and struggles to think how can I get to the point that I want to kill myself and leave him and my LO. I try and explain but I dont think he gets it.

I am worried how much he is keeping to himself and not wanting to upset me by talking to me about it. He works full time and has still been doing this and he is helping me with LO when he gets home etc. He is phoning me quite a bit during the day for fear that I will do another overdose and has taken my medication off me.

Please could someone explain to him about PNI and I hope he will reply.

Thanks

LittleLotty
xx

[winegirl]

Ok this is for your hubby then...

Hi LL's Hubby

I dont know where to start with explaining PNI other than it is a horrendous illness that we all do fortunately recover from.

I found myself with PNI I was having thoughts and feelings I would NEVER have had other wise! Looking back now I can't believe that I felt the way I did. I didnt want to be here, I felt like I couldn;t go on, but I did, and now my life is great. My husband and I are closer than before and love our family and each other.

My husband was in despair in the depths of my PNI. He didn't know what to do to help and could not understand why I was behaving the way I was. I suffered terrible anxiety and couldnt leave the house, whereas previously I would have gone anywhere anytime - I just lost all my confidence!

PNI is not forever, and you guys will get through this together. I know it will be hard for you right now, and you may feel pushed out, confused and a bit useless. But you are a tower of strength for Littlelotty and she will need all your support to help her through.

You need to talk honestly to her, you have to do this together, it is know good bottling things up to yourself as this will just be detremental to your relationship. Be honest and open and you cant go wrong. Its a tough road but you will reach the end, I promise.

If you ever need to talk to us here and let your own feelings out a bit with us, then we will do our best to support you. We are here for you both in this.

Take Care

WG xxx

[winegirl]

Hi LL/LL's Hubby

Also thought if you are interested to hear another man's percpective on PNI I am sure my Hubby would be happy to post something... (while i put his head in a vice lock saying `post post!) LOL x

Will ask him if you think it might be useful xx

WG x

[Scarlet]

Hello husband of Littlelotty,

PNI is such a confusing illness, to both the sufferer and those around her. It's so hard to explain what's going on inside, as emotions can change from one moment to the next.

For me, PNI came totally unexpectedly and I never thought it would ever affect me because I have no family history and have never been anxious or depressed in my life, but it did and it's very common, they say 1 in 10 women suffer, and the numbers may be higher. From what LL said, she was diagnosed later on, and it does take a while to come to terms with it...and from then on it's a slow recovery with lots of emotional bumps along the way.

I can say from my own experience (and LL can tell me if this is not the case with her ) that her suicide episode/s was a cry for help and that she doesn't really want to die, she very much wants to live, but she doesn't want to live the way she has been living, with constant anxiety and negative feeling, and she worries that her life will always be this way. Of course this is untrue, but she probably doubts everything at the moment, and can't imagine a time when she is fully well again.

At the moment you will probably notice her moods change very rapidly, one minute she may seem happy and another she may be anxious, angry or sad. These feeling will come and go as she recovers (and she WILL recover), but it takes a bit of time, patience and family support.

As a family you can be there for LL, but you must also give her space to recover..she needs to be able to live a full independent life again, like she did before having her daughter..and you can help by being there for her, but not taking over. Her self-esteem is very much at an all time low and needs building up again, but this will not happen overnight. Going back to work would be a good thing for her imo.

The good news is that this is a self-limiting illness and great strides and progress can happen in a short time and when least expected, if the right support is given, i.e docs support, counselling, perhaps CBT and most importantly understanding and support from you and the rest of the family.

If you need to talk to us about anything to do with this illness or what you can do to help LL with her recovery, we can give you some tips , things that we know would have helped us.

Best wishes, and do talk to us.

Scarlet

xxxxx

[littlelotty]

Hi ALL

Thanks so much for your replies, my hubby keeps looking on here and he has registered so he is making small steps to finally writing on here. It is helping him a lot to hear all of your views though.

Thanks again

LittleLotty
xx

[winegirl]

Hi LL

We will be here for him anytime hun. I know how hard this wil be for him too. I think sometimes the men in our lives get forgotton in PNI, I know thats how my husband felt.

WG xx

[dave1543]

Well, i've joined here today, maybe should of done so a long time ago, instead of burying my head in the sand. Started my own thread nad read through quite a few of the threads and found it very informative.

[winegirl]

Hi Dave

Welcome to the site x We are all her to support you as much as we support LL. It really is fantastic that you have made such a procative step into getting both you and LL support by joining here, and I hope you feel like you can come and talk to us anytime.

Take Care

WG xx