flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Today
Aug 31, 2008 14:29:12 GMT
Post by flobob on Aug 31, 2008 14:29:12 GMT
Today I'm convinced that I will have PNI again when baby number 2 comes later this month.
Not much to say. OH not helpful. Very sad. Keep crying. No energy now.
I keep thinking about what I was like last time and trying to think of ways to be different this time. But my mind won't think of anything. And I feel so useless.
Some days I'm very positive and am sure I will be fine. Like I had ante-natal depression before and haven't done so this time. But yesterday and today ...
I am so tired, but don't sleep. Don't know what to do.
FloBob
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Today
Aug 31, 2008 18:30:11 GMT
Post by pirhanamummy on Aug 31, 2008 18:30:11 GMT
Hi hunny,
I dont know whether it helps much, but I had PNI with my first, and was absolutely convinced I was going to get it second time around, I had the HV, homestart lady and MW's all on standby 'just incase' and 6 weeks later I was back studying full time at college and having the best time of my life!
I think the main part of it was a) I knew what to expect second time around and b) I had a much much easier birth than my first and that really helped my self esteem!
I've been getting a lot of pregnancy jitters this time around too, but no where near as bad as last time!
hope the next few weeks go ok for you and you have a nice and easy labour. sending you massive hugs and labour vibes
Jessica x x
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Today
Aug 31, 2008 18:51:06 GMT
Post by monica on Aug 31, 2008 18:51:06 GMT
Hi
I'm sorry you're feeling this way, but this time even if you do get it (you might not do though) forewarned is forearmed. have you spoken to your dr/midwife/hv? If not, please do. My hv visited me the other week and she offered to refer me to home start now if I wanted it. it might not be your cup of tea but I was referred when I had PNI and the volunteer who visited me was lovely. Maybe someone visitingn you on a weekly basis face to face to whom you can offload and give you moral support might help? Don't forget though, You might be having a couple of bad days - and anybody about to drop has those I imagine.
I imagine you don't have long to go - are you about 37 weeks? How is the spd? How are you managing with lo?
I am 32 weeks and also worried about the PNI. Am seeing consultant in a couple of weeks so will ask him about breast feeding and antids. I am hoping I won't be as obsessed about doing housework as I was last time and will ask for help if I can't cope.
I'm sorry your oh isn't supportive. I can't imagine my bf being particulary supportive either. Have you spoken to him? I will have a chat with mine about what to do if I go down that slippery slope but dont' know if that will make much difference.
Sendingyou huge hugs
Love
monica
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Today
Sept 2, 2008 1:41:03 GMT
Post by flobob on Sept 2, 2008 1:41:03 GMT
Hello Jessica Thank you for telling me that you had PNI with your first but not with your second. I was going to post on here to ask that question. It is reassuring, I didn't know if it was possible, but you've given me hope.
I saw your post yesterday, and can empathise with what you've said, but I just wasn't up to being able to be supportive yesterday - I just couldn't even think and didn't want to be negative. Thank you for replying to me. xx
Hello Monica You've a very good memory! I am exactly 37 weeks now!
The SPD did ease when the baby's head engaged 2 weeks ago. And I was in so much less pain. But now, for some reason, the pain is back and it is horrible. I could barely walk yesterday and spent the afternoon lying on the sofa, except when I had to get up to do stuff. LO spent the afternoon watching TV. Which I kind of feel so guilty about. Except I don't suppose it did him much harm. And he was sick yesterday morning and was so hot all day, so maybe he needed a lazy afternoon too.
MEN! Good luck with talking to your bf. I have spoken to my OH about depression. He said to me ages ago, what was I going to do different this time? Of course he didn't say it in a supportive way, just in the middle of an argument and very nastily. I will definitely try to do things differently but also think he should too because his behaviour last time definitely contributed to my depression. I have explained to him how he affects me, how my mind spirals off into huge negative thoughts at the smallest upset. A few weeks ago when he upset me before work I thought he was going to leave me and wouldn't be there with LO when I got home. I was petrified whilst driving home that I would get there to find them both gone and empty wardrobes. When I was feeling calmer I told him how my thoughts got to that stage in the hope that he would see what he does to me. I know it isn't his fault that my thoughts are so negative, but I just asked him not to let me leave or for him to leave on an argument. Just to clear the air so that I don't have the negative stuff all day.
Last night we didn't really argue because I was too tired and in too much SPD pain, but he was moaning on about money (tax man problems which he had sorted out so don't know why he needs to moan on) and I told him to go away. He was going out to post a letter anyway so he slammed the bedroom door and stormed off. When he came back I had visions of him coming upstairs with a knife to cut me open, and I ran away naked down the road but had huge feelings of guilt for leaving my LO behind and wanted to come back. All of this is in my head. But that is what he does to me. I posted a few weeks ago to ask how I stop him affecting me like this. And I try really hard not to let my thoughts do this. But the thoughts happen so quickly that I can't seem to stop them. And they really upset me. Actually when he did come to bed he actually said SORRY. So maybe he has remembered what I asked him to do.
I have told my MW, GP and HV about having PNI last time. And they're all aware just in case. But I don't have any more appointments with my MW now. Where I live now they have community midwives which I think is a great idea - to have 1 MW throughout your pregnancy and same one during birth and post-natal visits. But because I am seeing the consultant, I will see him next week, then my next MW appt is on my due date and my MW is actually on holidays then. So it is a great system, but it isn't working so well for me right now. I was thinking I would phone for a MW appointment this week but always feel so pathetically needy doing that. Last time I asked for an extra appointment with her I felt like I was being a nuisance.
Reasons why I think I'll get PNI again ... I am getting so angry with LO in the evenings, I can't cope now, LO exhausts me, I feel guilty that I'll be away from LO to give birth and think he won't ever forgive me for leaving him, I don't know how long OH will take off work once the baby is born (I can't even bring myself to ask him for fear of the answer).
When I had my little boy 2 years ago, I tried very hard to do all the things you're supposed to do to get out of depression - sleep when baby sleeps, not to isolate myself but to get out and go to mum+baby groups - well actually they were the only 2 things. But I know this time I won't be able to sleep when baby sleeps because I'll have LO. And the mum+baby groups did not help me at all last time. I'd just sit in a room of people I didn't know and not be able to have a conversation and always felt like they would never like me. When LO was 1 & 1/4 I stopped going to any groups. This time I am more actively involved with my local NCT group and have just received a list of their coffee mornings, so think I'll go to those, but what if I'm just crap again?
The anger thing was getting very bad. But I googled anger management on Sunday and came up with a strategy to avoid getting so angry. Started it today. LO always makes a fuss about going to the bathroom before bedtime. It then takes ages to get him to clean his teeth and have a wash. He often lashes out at me and hits quite hard or kicks. I don't normally use the naughty mat at this time because it is downstairs and I think it is what he wants - if he's on the naughty mat he's not having to clean his teeth! But yesterday I put him on the naughty mat for hitting me. Then when we go to his room he generally goes a bit beserk and does lots of running about. So I've decided to leave him to it and last night I told him he could play for a while and then I'd come back to read him a story. Meant I was out of the room and not getting stressed by his madness. It worked quite well. Fingers crossed I can keep it up. I was hating my anger - it was out of control and although I wasn't trying to hurt LO I was just being nasty.
I'm on here again in the middle of the night. Woke up around 1.30am and just couldn't get back to sleep. Very annoyed because I was so tired yesterday. But my mind was working overtime and I just wanted to come on here to offload. Sorry for going on again.
FloBob x
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Today
Sept 2, 2008 10:51:27 GMT
Post by winegirl on Sept 2, 2008 10:51:27 GMT
Hi Flobob
I was exactly the same as you are now at the end of my pregnancy. I think I had just had enough. I too had SPD and really sympathise with you. It stopped me sleeping too and became unbearable.
The feeling in pain, tiredness and irritability are all going to make you feel angry/down etc.. it doesnt mean you will get PNI again, just that you need a break now!!
I hope your labour comes soon babes so this SPD can magically vanish and you can start your life with your new family. You should try some relaxation cd's etc and relaxing baths when you can to be calm in preperation for labour hun.
I have some relaxation CD's I could send to you if you like?
Chin up hun, here and listening to you babes xx
WG x
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Today
Sept 13, 2008 10:59:43 GMT
Post by monica on Sept 13, 2008 10:59:43 GMT
Hi
how ar eyou doing?
Monica
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Today
Sept 13, 2008 19:08:10 GMT
Post by flobob on Sept 13, 2008 19:08:10 GMT
Cheers, Monica. Not too bad. How are you? Came on tonight as I have some horrible feelings and wanted to see if anyone else had felt like this. I'm going to post somewhere else about it. Cheers for asking FloBob x
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Today
Sept 14, 2008 7:45:15 GMT
Post by monica on Sept 14, 2008 7:45:15 GMT
Hi
Hope you feel more reassured. Meant to add that hormones probably are contributing to how you feel. I'm fine. Am 34 weeks. Had scan on Fri and all appears well. Consultant has discharged me, which is nice although I will miss the continuity I've had from him as I see a different midwife each time.
How is the SPD? I think you're anger management strategy is super. I find my tolerance levels have plummeted. My eldest seems to kick off quite a bit., which makes my blood boil. Must think of a strategy, too.
Will be thinking of you.
Love
Monica
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Today
Sept 20, 2008 6:29:17 GMT
Post by monica on Sept 20, 2008 6:29:17 GMT
How are you doing? Nearly d-day!
Monica
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Today
Sept 20, 2008 9:24:45 GMT
Post by winegirl on Sept 20, 2008 9:24:45 GMT
Oooh yes it must be next week then??? hope all goes well hunny and will be thinking of you!!
Lots of love
WG xx
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Today
Sept 22, 2008 8:33:34 GMT
Post by cheshire on Sept 22, 2008 8:33:34 GMT
Thinking of you!
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Today
Sept 22, 2008 9:48:08 GMT
Post by gizmoracer on Sept 22, 2008 9:48:08 GMT
Any news? Hope all is well.
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Today
Sept 22, 2008 20:01:14 GMT
Post by winegirl on Sept 22, 2008 20:01:14 GMT
I am taking the fact that you havent been around for a bit a good sign that all has move along??
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Today
Sept 23, 2008 1:03:04 GMT
Post by flobob on Sept 23, 2008 1:03:04 GMT
Hello Yes, we have a little baby girl. She was born on 18 Sept. Thanks for thinking of me. Love FloBob x
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Today
Sept 23, 2008 6:36:02 GMT
Post by cheshire on Sept 23, 2008 6:36:02 GMT
Congratulations - lovely news!
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