lonely

[Mandy]

i am a mother of two great babies who i love to bits and i have had pnd for months and months i am not sure how long i feel my biggest problem is lonliness i want to make friends in my area but just don't know how too i go to baby groups but feel everyone already has there group of friends and no one goes out of there way to chat to me i am a shy person by nature which doesn't help matters really.
any suggestions please i feel it would help me if i had some female friends.
love
mand

[Angela]

Hi Mandy

I know how it feels wanting to get out there and make new friends with young children because I too am in a similar situation. I'm 24 and my daughter has just turned one the problem I have is that although I have alot of friends none of them have children. I take care of my daughter during the week while her dad works full time and then I work at the weekends from 7am to 8pm sat and sun.
The total lack of nursery placements out there for children and especially babies is a disgrace. We have had my daughter on the waiting list since she was first born as we knew it would take a while and there is still no word as we are not priority as myself and my husband are together and we both work. The only other option was for us to put my daughter into a private nursery but they wanted £28 a day and that we just can not afford.
This means no family life or even a stable relationship with my husband as we rarely get time together as a family or as a couple. I to tried a mother and toddler group in my area and although I tried to fit in as you say they all really had friends there and I generally felt excluded and this in turn made me more depressed as I would love to get out the house and socialize with other mums during the week.
I'm now and the stage were I'm running out of ideas and confidence should I percevere or try somthing new?
I'll get there soon enough though and any time you need to chat you can contact me through the web site or e mail I'll always reply.

Kind regards Angela

[Jo]

Hi,

I totally understand how lonely you must be, because I felt like that for a very long time. I went to mother and baby groups a couple of times, but they made me so depressed as no one was willing to be freindly and they were all so competitive.

It was a real effort at first, but you can beat this I promise you. Have you tried something like swimming, where you're out there with other people, but not just sitting talking about weaning!!!! If you find it difficult to talk to people, try talking to their babies instead - it works wonders.

Also, I have done a few college courses, sugar craft etc, which have been free or a low charge. If you ring round you will probably find there is a free or cheep creche at your local college. It did me the world of good, just getting away from my daughter for a bit, and you talk to people about what your doing and not about babies.

When it gets warmer, try walking with the pram as much as possible, its amazing how many people are out walking wanting to stop and have a chat - I've met a few people like this, because I am new to this area.

It seems like I'm saying its easy, but I know its not, and you may feel like there is no end to this, as I did, but I wrote to this site 6 months ago when I felt like my world was ending, and now I am happier than I have ever been, so it can be done.

good luck
love
Jo

[Joanna]

Hi Mandy,

I know exactly how you feel. I am new to my area and live miles away from family and friends. My baby is 7 months old and I gave up work prior to her birth and the move. I now find myself in a new town, no friends, no job and stuck at home all day. Fortunately my partner is very supportive, however it is down to me to get out and about. It is very hard though when you are battling depression. I go to parent and toddler groups but feel as though I have a light flashing above my head saying 'Desperate for friends, please like me!' I often leave the groups feeling worse than when I arrived.

I am not sure how to change this. I think time is the only answer. I guess having a job would help, but then the problem is childcare and also guilt at leaving my child. I always said that I would stay at home when I had a child - I don't think I ever knew how difficult it would be. Stick with it, I'm sure we will all get there in the end.

Joanna

[lilo]

If you would like to talk to me you are more then welcome to email me on [e-mail]

I am a bit lonely as well... as I am from Sweden but living in London and dont know that many here.
Have a baby girl that is 6 months.

[Penny Campbell]

Hi everyone,

This is also one of my biggest problems, especially having no transport to get out anywhere. You can be surrounded by people and feel the lonliest person in the world.

Try www.netmums.com it's a national website, but is run on a local basis, free to register. Once registered you are put in touch with your local area. They list clubs and groups happening near you as well as playgroups, mother and toddler groups, nurserys, schools, local parks and other activities in your own area. There is a meet-a-mum section and a page for dads too.

I have made a good friend through the site and she is bringing her children to visit on Saturday.

Good luck and best wishes to all

Penny

[Anna]

I can relate to this. I don't have any close friends and wish I had someone to sit down with to have a cuppa and a laugh or cry with. I have never had a close friend like that and I do feel so lonely. I am an at home mum of 3 (6,3 &16 months) and have been on antid's for 9 months. Sometimes I feel like they make no difference to me at all. I just feel so empty inside sometimes and numb. I would love to just crawl back into bed and stay there. I'm sick of making the effort.

[Jackie]

Hi Anna, I just found this site. I am also tired of making the effort. I am almost too tired to even write this email - ha ha, not much to cheer you up, sorrry. I guess I have pnd but don't want to go to my doctor as whole family knows him. I tried to call a private doctor once, but he gave me a lecture about if I wanted illegal drugs from him, to forget it - before I even had the chance to tell him what I wanted tosee him about. He was such a pig. Funny, I think everyone thinks i am fine, except for the odd bout of crabbiness. Where are you? I am in London. Your email made me cry because I could've written it, and I understand how you feel. I also would like to go to bed and just stay there. I love my son to bits, and would never hurt him, and although I don;t judge people with pnd who hurt their children, with me it's the opposite - I feel i don't have enough energy for him and always worry that i am a rubbish mother, although everyone talks about how i am good - they really have no idea. i don't have any friends, and i didn't even celebrate my son's first birthday because i had no energy and nobody to invite. so we went away with my two stepchildren and partner and it was awful. now my son is nearly two and i still have nobody to invite. i know a few people but not well, and if i invite them, they will know i know nobody else as i dont have a core of friends to base a party on. i have also lost all my confidence, and feel nobody would come anyway. i just hope my son doesn';t remember his first two birthdays. i would just like to wake up one day and feel ok about being awake, and not wish it was night again and i could just go to sleep.

[Anna]

Hey Jackie..do you live inside my head?! I think we are on the same wavelength! I have no confidence, very low self esteem and most days feel totally useless as a mum. I am very overweight also and caught in that vicious cycle too! I am on antidepressants but am unsure about how well they are working for me..it doesn't help that I've had to change doctors and have lost that trusting relationship. I live in New Zealand. Drop me a line if you like.. [e-mail]

[jackie]

Hi there everyone. Who lives in London or can come here? You can all come to my house one day - let's meet up if you are in any way close enough to get here. I have not idea where you all are, so let me know. Write if you want to come.
jackie