|
Post by frustratedforester on Nov 12, 2008 15:37:04 GMT
My wife has been suffering from PNI for nearly a year now. Mainly in the form of pretty huge levels of Anxiety about everything and everything pretty much constantly.
My concern is that it seems that she seems really passive about it. I don't pretend to know what the answer to her issues is but I can't help feeling that just hoping it will get better seems perhaps not to be the best way.
I was the one who brought her condition to her attention, I was the one who suggested she talk to her GP, I was the one who suggested she told her friends (who knew anyway!), I was the one who suggested counseling when the GP she built up a relationship with moved away. I was the one who got her into exercise.
My worry is that, deep down, she feels that nothing can be done to beat this and that perhaps it can't even be beaten. Surely this is a self fulfilling prophesy.
At the moment the counselling is going nowhere. I'm trying to get her to accept that she will, at some point, get through this and that if she looks upon this as something to be beaten and take some positive steps (those that she thinks will help) we might get there more quickly.
I'm not saying "snap out of it" . Acknowledging this in itself gets he no further forward but would (in my eyes(!)) facilitate it.
Bottom line is that I'm being a typical bloke and trying to help her search for a solution rather than just be there for her. How long can you just be the shoulder to cry on. I've started to wonder if she rally thinks life is worth it (just the beginnings of a concern) and just need to do something.
How far wide of the mark am I?
What does she want to hear? What does she need to hear? Are they the same?
Any advice would be treasured like you wouldn't believe!
Thanks for listening.
|
|
|
Post by winegirl on Nov 12, 2008 16:06:38 GMT
Hi There
When I started to read your post, I actually thought it was my husband who had written it and was going to ring him at work and ask him!
Its hard to deal with the anxiety as a third party. If I am honest whilst taking medication, talking therapy and excercise, I still feel like I have just hoped alot of it will just go on its own...
She needs to hear that she is doing better and every step is huge, it does take time to get over this, and I know how hard it is for you to live with, but do try to be patient, it will get better...
We are here for you whenever you want to talk to...
WG x
|
|
|
Post by frustratedforester on Nov 12, 2008 16:57:31 GMT
Thank you winegirl.
My my own low standards I think I've been quite patient throughout this but for a variety of reasons I have lost it a bit. Your reminder was a bucket of cold water!
Perhaps waiting for it to go in its own is the only course of action? If so then fine. I can wait it out.
|
|
|
Post by VickyM on Nov 12, 2008 17:06:14 GMT
Hiya,
I am suffering with PNI/PND, and have been since my son was born 8 months ago.
I have been through stages, it started with massive anxieties/panic attacks etc, then moved to proper depression.
Im not sure I can offer much advice to you, but so know what she is going through! It must have been really hard that the GP she got close to moved away. I think if the GP that got through to me moved, I would panick. Maybe she really found someone she could open up to, and in turn, they could relate to her.
You sound very supportive, Which is more than I have had from my hubby! But I am still here today because of my friend.
Is she close to her friends?? Can she really open up to them?? Have u spoken to her about her counsellor?? Maybe he/she is not very good?? I say this because my GP is fab and gettin through to me! I don't even realise she's done it till I leave the room! I saw a pshychiatric nurse (which was a male) And I found him useless TBH, to a point where I never attended my sessions.
Im not sure me rambling on is helping any, but your wife is not alone in feeling this way, and I have heard many people who are now recovered, say it takes time. Im 8 months in, and although on the right tracks, nowhere near 'me'
|
|
|
Post by VickyM on Nov 12, 2008 17:07:20 GMT
Is your wife on medication??
|
|
|
Post by frustratedforester on Nov 12, 2008 17:18:20 GMT
Hi VIcky
I think part of the problem is that she doesn't really open up to anybody.
I've learnt so much about her over the last few months, she's opened to me about a lot of stuff that goes to explain why. If I was her I might not want to trust others with my thoughts and worries.
Sorry you don't feel supported by your husband, we do tend to be poor at dealing with things we can't 'fix' and can't really help that. Sounds like you have a true friend.
Your rambling does help, trust me!
|
|
|
Post by winegirl on Nov 12, 2008 18:16:17 GMT
Hiya
Are you sure you're not my husband?? LOL. Honestly, you sound so much like him!
I know that i have always been a fixer of things, so the most frustrating thing I have ever had to endure was the anxiety caused by PNI as I expected to just sort it. But even with help and meds etc.. i just didnt disappear!! I have worked hard since having PNI to get my old self back, but the old saying that time is a great healer is true too, it has taken longer than I would have hoped, but there is light.
It must be very hard for you watching it not being able to just fix it, i can imagine you feel so powerless, I know its not the best advice, but all I can say is carry on supporting her and you will both come through this fine x
Take Care
WG xx
|
|
|
Post by littlelotty on Nov 12, 2008 20:51:11 GMT
Hi
I too thought it could be my hubby! I have had PNI and anxiety and every month have had a blip but they are getting less and not as frequent as they were. Maybe it might help for you to write a diary or to note down the good and down days as it can be when we are having the down days it is harder to see there was ever any good. It might also help you to see an improvement - or certain triggers - time of the month etc.
You are being so supportive and keep up everything you are doing. I know it is easy to lose it and trust me my hubby has at times but he is learning it isnt helping at all and the more you can encourage her and build up the confidence the better she will get.
Take care
Littlelotty xx
|
|
|
Post by cheshire on Nov 13, 2008 15:36:39 GMT
Hi there,
I too suffered from high levels of anxiety with PNI and yes, with this illness, it is hard to see a way out and believe that you will recover. This is very common.
In my experience - as some of what you describe I can really identify with - she may have to feel 'ready' to take the next positive steps. When in the depths of it, even really small things/ everyday tasks which she used to do without thinking twice, can seem insurmountable. It really is about 'baby steps', and knowing that sometimes she may feel she is going backwards, but ultimately she'll get there.
My husband also found the emotional support difficult - but his practical support really helped in my recovery (although I didn't show much gratitude at the time..)
The best thing you can do is be there for her unconditionally (hard, I know), encourage her to seek any medical and psychological help (as this may speed up the process of recovery) and help out in any practical way that you can.
Hope this helps,
Hopefulx
|
|
|
Post by frustratedforester on Nov 13, 2008 17:27:37 GMT
Cheers guys!
She is 2/3 of the way through 6 counselling sessions. They don't seem to be getting very fay, indeed the guy has said he doesn't know how he can help her. I'm so chuffed she's talking to somebody. Any advice on where she can look to perhaps find somebody else? She's unlikely to be open with somebody who she knows though.
|
|
|
Post by frustratedforester on Nov 13, 2008 17:31:34 GMT
Sorry Vicky missed your earlier post. She is on meds.
|
|
|
Post by cheshire on Nov 13, 2008 18:05:36 GMT
|
|
|
Post by winegirl on Nov 13, 2008 21:20:14 GMT
And as a sufferer of Anxiety myself I would be hapy to talk to her x
|
|
|
Post by frustratedforester on Nov 14, 2008 12:52:01 GMT
Thank you very much. May be time to introduce her to this site!
|
|
|
Post by winegirl on Nov 14, 2008 14:06:11 GMT
Absolutely, we will do her best to support her x
|
|